Monday, October 01, 2007

NIGERIA DEAREST (even though I missed the submissions deadline)

NIGERIA: Catwalq, why the long face? You should be up on the dance floor...It's my birthday. c'mon, get off your arse

CATWALQ: I am sorry I don't feel like dancing. Happy birthday by the way.

NIGERIA: Why are you acting this way? First you deserted me and when you return, you cannot even join me in simple celebration? Look at all the important people here....

CATWALQ: I am sorry if you thought I deserted you. That was never my plan.

NIGERIA: So where did you go?

CATWALQ: I went to train with your friend, U.S

NIGERIA: That stupid bitch. She takes everything I own.

CATWALQ: You let her.

NIGERIA: Excuse you? Who are you talking to like that? Have you forgotten all your home training? Or when did you start disrespecting your elders?

CATWALQ: *sigh* I am sorry that you are offended. But I am not lying.

NIGERIA: Who are you raising your voice at?

CATWALQ: *exasperated* You know what, I don't know why I am even keeping silent. What is all this? This parade of hypocrisy.

NIGERIA: Catwalq, if you are not here to have fun, then I suggest you return to US. She can give you what she always has to keep you brainwashed against me. I was celebrating the return of another one of my daughters only to find out that she spites me.

CATWALQ: I do not spite you. I am just irritated with you. You are 47 for goodness sakes. When are you going to stop pretending you are in your twenties and still young. Look at you. Your skin is terrible; your weave needed to have been left in the seventies where it belongs, come to think of it, so also do your clothes....

NIGERIA: *spluttering*

CATWALQ: Look at the useless people celebrating on your birthday. Where are those who love you? They are not here. They are working hard to make the money to foot the bills and expenses of this party. Where are your sons and daughters? The ones whom you birthed on the night that creativity came to visit. Where are they? if they have not had the creativity stripped from them, they have been exiled to foreign and distant lands where they exist as second class citizens.

NIGERIA: I DID NOT SEND THEM AWAY. WHEN I NEEDED THEM WHERE WERE THEY? THEY LEFT ME! THEY LEFT ME!

(Ministers, senators and lawmakers approach.The music dies down)
Ministers : What is going on here? Young Lady, what is the problem?

CATWALQ: I am speaking to my mother. It is non of your business. Go back to what you know how to do....eating and drinking...draining my mother dry.

NIGERIA: No daughter of mine talks like that

CATWALQ: When she has had it up to here, she does. Why can't you see how ridiculous you are right now?

Senators: Look here young woman, we are going to ask you to leave. You are not her only child here. If you cannot be respectful, you will have to leave

CATWALQ: *laughs without mirth* Don't worry, I am already gone. But not for long. I will return and if it is only one of her houses that I can clean out, I will get rid of every last one of your thieving selves

NIGERIA: Catwalq, you are making a scene. How can you talk to them like that? Do you know that they are working day-in-day-out to help preserve mother's worth?

CATWALQ: I must have missed the memo because the only thing I see them do is haul tables and chairs at each other in the name of lobbying. the only time they come to a consensus is when money has to be distributed...illicitly.

NIGERIA: *gasps* CATWALQ!!!

CATWALQ: Kini? Ma a mi, e fi mi sile o.

NIGERIA: *very sad* You were one of my great prides. What happened to you?

CATWALQ: The same thing that happened to all your other children. When you whored for the white man, we bore it in silent shame. Until we could bear it no more and we had to get them out. But did we really?

Your finances are in a shit hole. Your kids come out of schools; schools that are by the way under equipped to provide them with resources for them to harness their talents to the best of their abilities, and they cannot find jobs. You daughters till today have no laws protecting their rights and identities and neither do their children. Some are using religion to oppress others. The traditions you relied on are now considered foul and absolute. Look at this, I try to talk to you and you immediately go on the defensive. You need to see your face on international news: if you are not stealing and defrauding, you are prostituting and killing. Do you even know how many of you children have died in the Niger Delta or are you content to have these bloody barawos simply leech of you, your precious resources and use none of it for your offspring?

NIGERIA: I hear you doing alot of talking. What have you done for me? What fight have you ever fought? All I have done, I have had to do for you...for all of you. I am doing my best. I need you to come and help me.

CATWALQ: I will return to you but I cannot live with you as you are.

NIGERIA: Oh, so now you have lived with US and now I am no longer good enough for you?

CATWALQ: You have always been the best for me...but right now, I cannot allow your grandchildren to see you as you are. It will be too damaging for them.

Lawmakers: so after you have messed up this party, what are you going to do? We are not responsible for the actions of all her children. We don't tell them to rob and steal from each other. We don't tell them to be dirty and bring diseases on each other. Even when one of you comes to help, they will destroy it after a while. We do the best we can but you children are not helping yourself. You will rather plot to destroy your fellow human being out of spite and envy than for you to see how you too can achieve what can be yours.

CATWALQ: what do you mean, you are not responsible? you are entrusted with the care and management of our mother. You exploit her and you think her children don't look at that and assume that it is okay to do the same. I mean, when have you ever rewarded any of her children for doing the right thing? Yet you pat yourselves on the back for a job well done looting the family wealth? You are disgusting!

Senators: You are messing up the party. Sisi Naija, don't mind her. Come and dance jare. Look at her, she has not a dime to her name. What can she do for you?

NIGERIA: But...

Ministers: The senators are right. She is all talk. We are the movers and shakers. Just come with us and we will take good care of you.

CATWALQ: Mama, no. Stay a while with me. Let us talk. Tell me where it is hurting you. I will push with some of your other children and we will get you the medicines and care you need. We can heal you. Together we can try and once you start getting better, you will see, all your children will be better able to figure out how to get you where you need to go and keep you there. Then when US and Europe want to see you, they will be the ones having to jump through hoops. You are young. 47 is by no means old. Don't you know that 50 is the new 30?

NIGERIA: I don't know. The senators are calling me. They said they will give me new aso-oke to wear.

CATWALQ: Here, take my clothes.

NIGERIA: *gasps* put your clothes back on now! Are you crazy? What is wrong with you? How can you walk around naked.

Senators & Ministers: Wow, what did you say your name was again? Why didn't you say you had all these skills? You want to heal your mother? Come with me. Goodness child. so ripe.

CATWALQ: Mother, you say I have never fought any wars. I am trying to fight one now. I am standing before you in the flesh you gave me upon my birth. Take my hand. Let us return to your throne and help u heal. Come with me. Some of your children are waiting at the other house. We are trying to clean it bit by bit. Please come with me. Come and fight alongside your children. Together, we can cleanse your kingdom of all these parasites and ne'er-do-wells. Take my hand.

Lawmakers: Sisi Naija, come and have your picture taken with the Junior officer from the US Senate.

CATWALQ: That's not even the president. Mother come with me. You deserve better.

NIGERIA: Just one picture and I will be back. I have to be courteous to my guests.

CATWALQ: What about your children. We need you.

NIGERIA: I am coming

Senators: You can leave or you can stay. Your mother is busy. Here is my card. call me if you need anything.

30 comments:

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

CATWALQ
APPLAUSE!

Upon review, it appears that some of the instructions were fuzzy. If you would like to enter your message, simply let Nigerian Lighthouse know.

Anyway, my sista, Nigeria needs her children to help her realize that she is being pillage by those who have no care for her, her children or he grandchildren. I am quite sure that the more people read this, the more will agree with the sentiment.

ibilola said...

HEAR! HEAR!!

Rayo said...

Amen!

Atutupoyoyo said...

Quite brilliant. Another triumph of a fresh imagination.

It reminds me a bit of that Miriam Makeba song "One more Dance" when people are begging an errant wife to attend to her sick husband. The wife would rather dance and pretend that nothing is wrong.

We must not abandon our mother. She is getting on a bit but she needs us more than ever.

A.D. said...

I love your blog. Mine is scandalousad.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Catwalq.... i love you!!!
Candy
(... and i'm not even a lesbian!!)

Anonymous said...

brilliant where do u get ur inspiration from......absolutely love it

Anonymous said...

brilliant where do u get ur inspiration from......absolutely love it

Lighty said...

kitty-catwalq. yet again brilliant. lagbara olorun.

princesa said...

Impressive Catty!
Lets all join hands and make Nigeria better!

Dundee lawmakers & Senators!

Nwanyi Ocha said...

my sentiments exactly ... thank you

laspapi said...

your mind ranges, cat'lq. This is a beautiful concept.

boorish male said...

Guess who is back...

akin aworan said...

This is an outstanding piece you've written here, Catwalq. Nicely done!

Onome said...

nicely said madam nicely said....i just wish nigeria would for once listen to her childrens' voices...

Mr.Fineboy said...

Good stuff! Come see me my friend, I don come again.

N.I.M.M.O said...

Catwalq, this is beautiful. Very thotful.

But when will we ever learn that those who say No! to our deceitful revelry also mean well.

I am in Ibadan, Oyo State right now and it is depressing. All the stories I hear about a Governor who will kill everybody to please a few.

There's hope sha.

Nimmo

PS: Check your mail; sent you one.

catwalq said...

Solomonsydelle: I wonder what it will take to make the first step and to have it last as progressive

Ibilola: hear, hear!!!

Rayo: said the Moslem

Atutupoyoyo: Kisses

a.d: will check it out. thanks

Anonymous (candy): thanks. not a lesbian either. i understand. everyone loves me. i know how u feel. lol

Anonymous2: I get my inspiration from life...simple

Lighty: lagbara olorun jare. ose my dear

Princessa: u got that right. dundee politicians.

Nwanyiocha: thanks jare

Laspapi: means alot that u appreciate...

Boorish: YOU!!!

Akin Aworan: thanks

Onome: She can't hear, she is too busy listening to her politicians

Fineboy: been to your page. God saved u that u updated on time

Nimmo: checked...no mail.

douby said...

I'm so touched right now, almost moved to tears. this is so deep, so so deep. i wish our so called leaders can read this

douby said...

once again, wow!!!

UnNaked Soul said...

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

Andy said...

CQ, meeeeeen that is one of the best posts I have read in a long long time.
I doff my hat, lovely!

Sherri said...

excellent!!
just burifu...

Unbiased said...

Damn!!
APPLAUSE CATWALQ APPLAUSE!!!!!
That was really amazing. I couldnt stop reading, agreeing and laughing at the same time.
You have got serious talent

Adunni said...

My dear, I just discovered your blog! Your characterization of Naija and all its woes is on point and absolutely ingenious. God bless her and let us not forget her in our prayers!

YankeeNaija said...

I just stumbled upon your blog. Only tweny-three? Don't lose your spirit. Make your voice heard.

logosian said...

First timer. Bravo. You write with such originality and depth. Growing up in Nigeria must have been painful for you? For me, spending most of my life abroad nearly killed my spirit. A very hard choice...

Truth Betold said...

interesting. well thought out. hmm...

RomanticVoice said...

Hellooooooo I am new!!!I love ya blog,sistah....sup with you you a rare gem oooo Kilon sele eyan mi?