Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Catwalq Academie III

8.00 am
Unnaked: (knocks)
Omodudu: come in
Unnaked: Excuse me senior, please I am looking for Senior Fineboy.
Omodudu: Fine Boy!!!
Fine Boy: Mmn-hmn?
Omodudu: Person dey fyne u
Fine Boy: Yes?
Unnaked: Excuse me senior...
FineBoy: Yes?
Unnaked: Senior Baba Alaye said I should call you.
Fine Boy: Say what?
Unnaked:I said Seni...
FineBoy: I heard you. What does he want?
Unnaked: I did not ask him senior.
FineBoy: Where is he?
Unnaked: At the back of Senior Rec
FineBoy: okay, go and tell him you did not see me in class but that you left a message.
Unnaked: But...but
FineBoy: Are you deaf?
Unnaked: No senior
FineBoy: now get out.
Unnaked: yes senior. thank you senior.
(Unnaked exits hurriedly)
Omodudu: what was that all about?
FineBoy: I am finished!
Omodudu: Why, what happened?
FineBoy: The fada wants me
Omodudu: uh, u mean Baba Alaye?
FineBoy: (looks at him in an are-u-serious? way) who else?
Omodudu: dang, what are u going to do?
FineBoy: Omo, I have been posting the guy since yesterday. he has been looking for me.
Omodudu: Please don't tell me, it's what I think it is...
FineBoy: Please don't lecture me
Omodudu: Did we not warn you about Taurean Minx. By the way, it is Senior Taurean Minx. Why don't you ever know your levels?
FineBoy: abeg, make I hear word.
Omodudu:so what are you going to do now
FineBoy: well, as long as I can help it, he won't be seeing me.
Omodudu: I think say u be bad guy? Why u no go show am say you get liver? after all, no be u talk say e no fit do u anything for this campus
FineBoy: u know what? watch me walk away
Omodudu: And go where? U think he does not know u are here? This is going to be interesting.

12.00 noon
Yosh: My Guy, why are u sitting on the floor
Waffarian: no mind am. what is that u are eating. he is hiding from Baba Alaye
FineBoy: Waffy, I am not in the mood. Don't annoy me
9ja Opeke: how u no go get mouth for woman? u no fit follow the person wey dey disturb you hala, u con dey here, dey make noise
Toyintomato: Hy steel ave spyzee steek meat? FineBoy, why hare u hon d floor?
Yosh: Apparently Baba Alaye is looking for him
Toyintomato: O ti o
Atutupoyoyo: Iyawo, where is my stick meat now?
Toyintomato: Hah!!! the owner hof the money hon my head. Hy ham comeeng o
Atutupoyo: oya o. Haba, my guy, are you still here? What are you going to tell Mrs Somebody when she comes into class and sees you sitting there? How long are you going to be on the floor.
9ja Opeke: Abeg, leave him o. me I want to see how this one will end. Baba Alaye has been sending juniors here every thirty minutes to call him.
Waffarian: And it is no coincidence that so many seniors have been passing round here. The gist has spread that Baba Alaye is out for this guy
Omodudu: (Arriving) I guess Fine Boy is about to be unfine.
Yosh: wetin dey do u sef?
9ja Opeke: dis one na original thriller. I wan die. Yosh, wetin dey your hand
Yosh: guguru, u want some?
Jaja:(arriving) make u no break your neck as you dey eye im food
9ja Opeke: Solomonsydelle!!! Come carry your husband before I wound am o
Solomonsydelle: (from the other side of class) Go0d forbid o. Opeke mind yasef o
Teediva: (knocks)
Omodudu: wait let me are looking for someone.
Teediva: Yes senior...Senior Fine...
Omodudu: Fine Boy is indisposed.
Teediva: ????
Omodudu: Go and tell senior Baba Alaye that he is not around
Teediva: No, I was sent by Senior Taurean Minx. She asked him to come
FineBoy: really?
Yosh: heeeeyy, see your life. Na woman go kill you.
Teediva: Senior FineBoy?
Waffarian: look, junior girl did u not hear him say Fine Boy is not here?
Teediva: But he...?
9ja Opeke: u wan make I slap you, make your brain recharge?
Teediva: shakes head)
Waffarian: Oya marchalout, one time before I open my eye
(Teediva flees)
Jaja: u girls are so cruel to one another. You could have delayed her here a bit
9ja Opeke: so u can be panting here like alsatian? abeg dress comot. Solomonsydelle...!!!
Solomonsydelle: If u say it, Opeke, we will fight today
9ja Opeke: yeye girl, why are u fronting. we all know...
Jaja: me, I am not there. u know she will brush you
Omodudu: heesh! we have a situation here. as u can see they are resorting to using Taurean Minx's name to catch him
Waffarian: and as he cannot live without woman, they will. See how he nearly followed that girl out of here. Oh boy, u dey craze?
FineBoy: (cradling his head) I don't even know how it is doing me now. I think I am running a temperature
9ja Opeke: mumu.

7.30 pm
9ja Opeke: we are finished is over. men
Waffarian: yeeee, my mother is going to kill me. expulsion. chei my life. Kpakpando, why? why?
Kpakpando: (looking on in stony silence)
Yosh: As I am looking at you now, u need to be glad I was raised not to hit a woman cos u deserve serious brushing
Overwhelmed: Please somebody, tell me what is going on? Men, how did I miss all the gist
Jaja: Kpakpando, I fear u o
Overwhelmed: Kpakpando, what did u do?
Solomonsydelle: this is simply unacceptable
Overwhelmed: who do I have to screw to find out what is going on here?
Yosh: Trust me overwhelmed, u don't want to know
Overwhelmed: but I do... father, lord. please somebody tell me.
(Omodudu and Ugo Daniel walk in)
Waffarian: how far?
Omodudu: (shakes his head)
Ugo D: we might have to go report to Mr. Laspapi. but guys, what were you thinking?
(Exschoolnerd walks in)
ExScNd: Kpakpando, u better hide cos if I set my eyes on you today, it will not be funny
Ugo D: calm down calm down
Kpakpando: (says not a word)
Jaja: this girl, u are on another level of spooky.
ExScNd: did u even think about all the things that could happen? did u think about anyone but yourself? U are special o
9ja Opeke: see how she is even looking like mumu
Kpakpando: watch it! don't think because I am silent...
Yosh: u better leave her alone before she has u shipped off to Ivory Coast
Omodudu: As it is, hasn't she already?
Overwhelmed: Okay, this is too much. Please! Please !! PLEASE!!!! Someone tell me what is going on
9ja Opeke: stop shouting. it is prep time
Ugo D: They tried to smuggle Fine Boy home in a ghana-must-go
Overwhelmed: Say what?!
Yosh: I thought we scrapped that idea in favour of the sick exeat that ExScNerd, ehm...procured.
Waffarian: We had to find a way to get him out of class and to the gate.
9ja Opeke: so we asked Baba Willy to carry the bag
Overwhelmed: Baba Willy, the gateman?
Solomonsydelle: we told him to keep the bag and we will come back and tell him which car to take the bag to.
Overwhelmed: please tell me this is a story. Fineboy was in the bag the whole time?
Yosh: Desperate times call for desperate measures
Overwhelmed: and what happened? how does Kpakpando factor into all this?
Waffarian: she went and told Baba Willy which car to put the ghana-must-go in
Overwhelmed: and?
9ja Opeke: she was never in on the was she to know
Jaja: u know, I always fear quiet women. See how she is not speaking. She will just be watching and waiting. She had been waiting and waiting while FineBoy was using her to play ball and chasing after this female and that female
Waffarian: Kpakpando, love is not by force o
9ja Opeke: I guess even Fineboy crossed the line sef. How could he ask Kpankpando to go deliver the gifts to TaureanMinx.
Overwhelmed: Jisoz!!! Where have I been?
Jaja: me , I don't know
Solomonsydelle: u know Senior Nwanyi Ocha is her school mother and she is in the same class as Taurean Minx
Overwhelmed: so where is Fineboy
Ugo D: on the bread truck...
Yosh: possibly on his way to Ibadan or something
Overwhelmed: YEEEEE!!!!
Omodudu: exactly
Waffarian: the worst part is that, no matter what, he will be discovered and brought back and of course that will create questions
Yosh: Cos there was no way the he could have carried himself in a ghana must go onto the truck
Omodudu: And Baba Willy said, the truck driver saw him load the truck but as usual assumed it was part of the returns
Overwhelmed: girl, how did u get Baba Willy to do it?
Kpakpando (with a wide smile) I gave him Willy Juice
(the entire group is silent)
ExScNd: U know what, I think I just wet myself. That was the scariest sight.
Jaja: is she smiling?
Yosh: I believe so. I think we might have a "case" on our hands.
Kpakpando: why are you all acting so silly? Nothing will happen to him
Ugo D: (voice struggling to be civil) U think so. U get a drunk security guard to put your classmate who is in a ghana-must-go on a bread truck...
ExScNd: How are we even sure it was the bread truck
Solomonsydelle: please don't scare me
Kpakpando: (chuckling) he will be fine. Someone has gone to get him
Waffarian: Girl, I am never speaking to you again. You did what?
Kpakpando: I got someone to go after him
9ja Opeke: and I love this school so much. so na like dis expulsion dey happen? I dey return go Abakaliki grammar school
Yosh: Kpakpando....
Jaja: this nightmare will never end
Kpakpando: (rising to her feet abruptly and startling the group. They move back slightly) SHUT UP! EVERYONE SHUT UP! I have done nothing wrong. Just thought to have a little fun like he has been having with me all semester
Waffarian: is this all because he did not jah u face?
Kpakpando: I am over that. He thought he had a mugu abi, and all of u were always there to give him hype like toying with someone's emotions is fun...
Yosh: but what you have done is putting his life in danger and ours as well.
Ugo D: what will u say if something happens to him?
Kpakpando: like I said, nothing will
ExScNd: (in a whisper) please explain
Kpakpando: who can get out of the gates and back in and has access to a car?
Omodudu: Forgive me, if I cannot do riddles right now
Solomonsydelle: or I for that matter
Yosh: same here
Kpakpando: let's just say his ride back to school should be interesting

Somewhere in a car....
Olawunmi: Are you okay? Are you comfortable?
FineBoy: y...y....yes senior
Olawunmi: I am sure you are wondering why the head boy will come after you Olawunmi
Olawunmi: You know, since we are out, why don't we make this an experience you won't forget. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. How many of your friends can say that they bailed out with two seniors, one of whom was the head boy. ehn?
Olawunmi: Breathe...I am amazed you stayed in that bag so quietly. You are probably hungry. We will stop at a joint and you can enjoy some correct peppersoup. Tomorrow, we will discuss your punishment but tonight, u can relax. U are already in trouble so just ride the wave. Abi, my guy, what do we say we show our little man here a good time?
Baba Alaye: Sounds like a spectacular idea!!!/



Ol girl: I couldn't read past Toyintomato's crazy english. lol! God helep me oh. I am doubled over inlaughter. I can't believe Omodudu is instigating. Okay, let me stop laughing and go finish reading.

You this babe!





catwalq said...

five catwalq points for u solomonsydelle


LOL! just finished reading. Baba Alaye got him. But, Kpakpando is a harder babe. Abeg, she wicked!

This continues to be good! Keep it up as I can't wait to see my reaction to FineBoy's excursion.


Anonymous said...

Gurl u tres' much jo! i don't know where u found d imagination, but i'm luving it.

"make your brain recharge" -- tooooo funny ?
"Oya marchalout, one time before I open my eye" -- LMAO

u good, u good ,u good!!!

Manda said...

hahahahaaaaa! Dont make my boss give me query dis early morning o! Fineboy don enter, imagine a whole Baba Alaye n Headboy coming to rescue u. Kpankpando mean o! Plz can u break toyintomato's english down? too too funny! Babe u try, good work.

diary of a G said...


Nyemoni said...

LOL, LOL, LOL at Toyintomatoes engrissh! lol!

Mona said...

LOLLLLLL @ olawunmis bit

waat this is hilarious catwalq lol

cool blog.......check out

lol the milklady always delivers ;o)

UnNaked Soul said...

One gbensh of your dream to you Kpakpando... you is too muching jooo!
LOL.... dial my 911 when u r ready to receive... *wink*

Another brilliant piece darling *clapping*

Idemili said...

Hahhahah! Kpakpando finally speaks!!!

Great post.

You told me that you would let me know whenever you updated. You lied to me. Boohooo!

princesa said...

Another great series Catty!!

Where i dey na? Abi i no come school dat day?? Okay...must be the day i was down with malaria.

Fine boy don enter am! I hope say them no go pour the peppersoup inside im nyash o!

Fatoumatta said...

oh sh******************.......damn!!!lol nevertheless....cant wait to read wht happens next!!!

Teediva said...

ah, fineboy is in for it this time. cant wait to see the end. after fattening the ram, the slicing begins abi?? lol...

pamelastitch said...


Atutupoyoyo said...

I have a new found respect for Kpakpando after reading that. Hardened babe. Loving it babe. Dunno how u do it o but keep doing it sha

30+ said...

Kpakpando the mother of all sinisterious brainze, 7 surly gbosa's for her o.

It has finally happin, sure it will be a real night to remember for mr Fineboy.

Miss Opeke said...

Catwalq...U are juz somethin' else...U are juz crackin' me all up...
E bi like say na Alaluwe era dem born u...abi na Jagau...which one?

Miss Opeke said...

dis one na our own BlogVille Ikebe Supa!!!

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

lol! Good job catwalq..hei! kpakpa is a sore loser o! she how she put fb in yawa..great entertainment material! i'm lawling!!!!!!!!!!!

Kpakpando said...

bawhahahaha, this girl brought tears to my eyes o, kai! Fine Boy, NTOOO GI. OMG so that's why I was so silent, very good for him, so he had the audacity to be sending me to her too, e no go better for him mehn. I'm sure he'll never forget the lesson he's about to learn.

catwalq more grease to your elbows jare

Anonymous said...

brilliant keep it up

100%Lighty said...

lol! catwalq, u're just amazing.
see every1 frettin 4 fineboy when he is there about to have some good hot peppersoup. ahhh lol. lol.

~Mimi~ said...


Ugo Daniels said...


Arewa said...

Lol.....nice one

Waffarian said...

Na wa oh! but I no gree with that punishment at all, e too light. haba!

Good job, catwalq.

BiMbyLaDs** said...

Fantastic writeup...lolling like mad

Aijay said...

Poor Fine Boy. Hope he has some brilliant escape plan. If not, Senior Baba Alaye & Senior Olawunmi go make am see shege.
Nice one babes. Keep it coming.

Anu Boy said...

omo this shit is just mad funny mehn

Anonymous said...

this is the best one yet...
poor fineboy... hehe!

UndaCovaSista said...

So what do they want with fineboy? Nice cliffhanger...

יש (Yosh) said...

Wow, why FB, eh!? He sure had it bad in this one...and he's no where around to even say anything in his defense, maybe that's why?

I love the ending!

Nwanyi Ocha said...




exschoolnerd said...

hahahahahaha!! this was very nice..although i wish i was the one who made willy with my willy juice put the ghana must go on the truck...the kinda thing i'd do.

catwalq said...

anonymous1: thank u o...

Manda: God forbid!!! Your oga no fit. toyintomato was just reminding everyone that as the class entrepreneur, she still had some merchandise to sell; this time stick meat.

D.O.G: ok hehehehehe

Nyemoni: The chick na waya

Mona: thanks...I am on it

Unnaked: who is receiving? Kpakpando or I?

Idemmili: abeg no vex. as i no fit access your blog, to hala at you na one vex

princessa: no vex my sister, u no dey their side. nu still dey school

Fatoumatta: am working on it....

Teediva: abi o

Pamelastitch: how bodi jare?

Atutupoyoyo: my baby? what's up?

Miss Okpeke: i no even sure which era dem born me. I think say na baba sala.

The experiences of an achiever: I am glad u enjoyed it

Kpakpando: it was ur response I was fearing the most. I was so sure, I was going to have a bounty placed on my glad u saw the humour. And I am kind os glad, I got some of ur

Anonymous2: thanks

100%lightly: se u know

mimi: carry on jare

Ugo Daniels: :)

Arewa: Thanks

Waffarian: really, what should I do?

Bimbylads: Thanks

Aijay: Thanks jare. I am trying to decide what to happen next...any ideas?

anu boy: am glad

Geisha: Thanks...u feel sorry for FineBoy? What on earth for?

Undacovasista: They said that they would give him some peppersoup...that remains to be seen

Yosh: cos he is the class pretty boy. Always toasting this one and macking the other

Nwanyo Ocha: Thank you o jare. U should have seen the one she said before.

Exschoolnerd: U will get ur own. But u "procured" the exeat now? Haba!

O.šeyï said...

HAHAHAHAHA... YOU ARE CRAZY. LOLOL.. That was hilarious. Havent laughed that hard reading a blog in a while.

Kafo said...

I'm trying to follow it and the more i read the more i cry

seriously people

laugheter is good

thanks ooo

Mr.Fineboy said...

lol...another funny one. Una wicked o...kai!

Anonymous said...

Catwalq u wont killee me
Anoda lovely piece .. and wat a spectacular ending!! cant wait for d update....
meanwhile Fineboy so u can comment on peoples blog but u refuse to update.. ???!!! wait make i catch u first!!!!

TaureanMinx said...

LAWL LAWL LAWL. Girl you are MAD lol! Thanks for a fun read

Sparkle said...

me I vex o...when u wan feature me now? kai

another good one Catwalq...u got talent

Jaja said...

see story..
Fine boy in a bag..!

Isi said...

you could write a script someday you know... seriously!

Baroque said...

is FineBoy from Ghana? see as them pack am like say him be okrika baffs...action dey here oh...make TynTmtoe try enter English class naa

badderchic said...

Omo, this has got to be the best thing that has happened to me today. bone! this is like the blogger redcarpet. the creme de la creme of blogsville.


Omodudu said...

how you take no say i like to find trouble sef..I am suspicious.

Black Wasp said...

ROFLMAOWPIMPP...laffing my a** off while peeing in my pimp pant...

Catwalq huh, your inmagicountry..oops, imagiNATION is quite amazing!

There's only one problem tho, with a blog like yours, how do I keep up my productivity at work!

Onome said...

nna! dis one na major f-up for d fine boy wey dey run!! but meanwhile, wetin fineboy do baba alaye na? meeeeeeen!!!!!!

Shaywun said...

yekpa! Fineboy ti ro go o!!! I think Baba Alaye should at least give him some credit for over-stepping his boundaries now.