Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Blog Mongers II

I have just been on your blog. What the hell is going on?

My dear, na so I see am o. Leave them, when their joblessness comes to an end, they will move on to something else

This is serious o. You have almost a hundred and fifty comments and most of them are just insulting each other left, right and center

hehehehehehehhehehee

You are laughing...

I should not laugh? This shit is funny o.

Men, this blogging thing sef. Some people have turned it to a do-or-die affair.

Omo[1], for some of them, it is.

What even happened sef?

Nothing o. Remember when I went home last month for xmas...

ehen

ehn, that was when it all happened.

U mean the reunion issue?

Yes o. That is what they have now turned to ammunition and used to make noise over my head. The mumus[2]

Ehn-ehn. This is serious o.

You cannot even imagine. I have been bombarded by emails from all over. Even bloggers that I thought were my friends are misyarning in my direction. The shit is exhausting.

What are you going to do?

Nothing. I don't have time for uselessness. Though, I am enjoying it sha. I am riding those blog hits all the way to the bank. You know I have ads on my blog.

Wait o, you really need to break down what is going on because I am lost. Which one concerns Skinny Dude with the matter?

Oh that one? he is the one that started it. Him and his gbeborun[3] mouth. That man talks like a bitch men.

Where have I been all this while?

U dey ask me? I dey with you?

I am serious joo. Explain, what happened

Men, I am tired. It is a long story.

Haba. You cannot do this to me o.

You don't know how mentally exhausting this thing is o.

Please now

Okay. Remember how when I went home, I planned that fundraiser and invited all my friends?

Ehn now, you invited me sef, just that I ended up not coming home again.

Ehennnnn. Anyways sha, the week before my beach fundraiser, you know Roses And Diamonds planned that her annual bloggers' reunion party that every one and their mama goes to. Lepa Shandi and Skinny dude were there and somehow, one of them said that I was in town and that they had just spoken to me on the phone. Can you imagine that Roses And Diamonds made them call me, put me on speaker phone and talk to everyone there? I was so upset. I had to say hi to like twenty people, some of whom I did not even know....

I remember that she blogged about it.

Men that one is small. She was sha like "why did I not come?" me, i cannot now be telling her that i have no interest in meeting her and her band of "bloggers extraordinaire"; so I said I was sorry and that I had not been aware because I had been planning to my trip home and that I could not make the get together even for a drop-by because I was not in Lagos at the moment.

Where were you?

In Lagos.

Olosi[4]

men, what is going to carry my leg to such a place? If I am not talking to you outside of blogville by now, you should know that I don't want to see your face anywhere.

You are a blog snob

And proudly so. If I wanted to know everyone, i would have used my real name.

So what now happened?

Ehen, that is how she huffed and puffed she was asking me to come and I was like, I couldn't. Long story short, she said that she was planning another one two weeks from then for those bloggers who had missed that day and she would not take no for an answer. I told her I would try and hung up. I was leaving the week of her second shing-ding so I knew that even if she called anyways, I would be out of the country...

you sef...

anyways, my event holds and of course you know all those that were there: Aristocrat, East of The Niger, Her Majesty's Spy, Prince of my Castle, Still Waters and co.

You did not mention all those celebs now.

You are telling me. Anyways, stupid me invited Skinny Dude because somehow, we had been chatting offline and we yarn small small sha and I thought it would be a good networking opportunity for him, cos that guy has so many ideas, too bad he just yarns like a woman. That's how when he now saw Roses And Diamonds, she was like "Where is La Femme Executive?" That one was like "oh, she has gone back to the UK o. After her party last week. In fact, this blogger was there...

Haaaaaa

That blogger was there. bla bla bla bla....it was like another bloggers reunion, just with the creme de la creme.

O pari[5]

I am guessing that alot of people were there because that was how it all began. the mugu now sent me an email saying that if I knew I did not want to meet her, I should have just said so instead of pretending and lying. And you know me now, I was like "I am glad you understand"

No you didn't!!!! Kike, your mouth sef...

Me ke? what did I do? I mean she hit the nail right on the head. I would have given her a prize but I did not have spare change...

Bitch

hehehehehehehehehe. Wharreva joo. That was how it all began o. She told one person and another. the next thing, someone is putting up a post on their blog on how some naija bloggers feel too big with themselves and the olorigbeske[6] decides to mention that for example La Femme Executive is one of them.

That was what I saw and was like , ah-ah what is going on? Went to your blog and saw that the party had already started without me.

Men, you missed. You should have read the post when Roses and Diamonds said that she is such a humble girl and proceeded to give us a brief run down of her life and all the nonsense she has accomplished. I laughed so hard, I almost deleted an important file. The razz mbeke

This is all so surreal. My own is just that, what concerns all the people who feel that they have to say something?

You know most of them cannot seperate the blog from its blogger. I remember the post that I put up about seducing my boss and the emails I got then with people, mostly female asking me to repent and desist because I would be ruining someone's marriage--I had said that he was married--some even emailed me just to insult me and to call me all sorts of names. I......

which boss? you own your own business or when was this?

They don't know that now. I remember when I met Aristocrat and he was like "you are shorter than I expected."

He thought you were tall?

Well, at least taller than I am. I was like, "You are poorer than I expected."

You did not!!

I sure did. That was way before we started dating.

Your mouth is going to put you in trouble one day

It already has mennnn. What possessed me to say "I do"?

Wharrever it was, your wedding is about to be off the hook. I wonder what those bloggers would say if they knew that the two of you are getting married. On blogville, you are always fighting...

hehehehehee. That is why this drama is funny to me. Some people want to kill themselves over shit that is not that serious. Woooo, me I am hungry, I am going to make something to eat.

My dear, we go yarn later. Nighty night

Night sister-in-law. Go and update your blog joo. That place is disgraceful...

Naughty girl.

[1] Omo: child
[2]Mumu: Imbecile
[3]Gbeborun: gossip
[4]Olosi: fool
[5] O pari: It's finished!
[6] Olorigbeske: Big headed

26 comments:

Naapali said...

Blog mongers III;
Why chinese bloggers prefer wordpress.

bumight said...

lmao! A lot of people do take this bloggin thing too serious!

Unbiased said...

Catwalq mi!!
Whatagwan giri? Nice post.
I have so been totally missing for a while.
Back to catch up.

Sting said...

Interesting stuff.

Allied said...

Please and please.. invite me to the wedding.. i promise not to blog about it...

If you don't.. i cant promise anything.. i might have to blog about when you seduced your houseboy Akpan..

archiwiz said...

LOL...Wahala...abi na Blogahala...:)

InCogNaija said...

lmfbao @ you are poorer than i expected.
Nice

ababoypart2 said...

Nice post, not been here for a while.

Toluwa Lase said...

LMAO @ u r poorer than i expected...

omidanbellafricaine said...

Hey just read your Academie series and i've got to say its the stuff of genius...was thinking about what it would actually be like on screen and concluded that you'd need the best of actors because delivery is key there seems to be joke after joke embedded within other jokes., bad timing may make it fall flat ... anyway hats off to you missy

eFJay said...

That was hilarious!!! LMAO! Loved it!

ef babe

Afrobabe said...

hmmm...reading down hoping to get the gist, still lost...whats happening...this is scarey...

Baroque said...

Catty you, i love your convos, i wonder if you're doing it straight off the top of your head, because i was smiling like i won the lottery as i read on...your sarcasm pokes my ribs...anyway, no try am on me sha LOL...make i run now, talk later

geisha said...

i have said this before:
i LOVE your blog.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Naapali: lol. i did not know that they did. But alot of indian bloggers use wordpress. Must be an asian thing

Bumight: men, it is ridculous.

Unbiased: where have u been sef?

Sting: it is...

Allied: of course you are invited to the wedding...whose wedding are we talking about here?
Ehn-ehn, a whole blackmail from a whole you...u r about to be unadopted.

archiwiz: Blogahala? Thatis new men

incognaija: so many people are

ababoypartdeaux: thanks

Toluwalase: like i said previously, alot of people are

omidanbelle:I agree completely. that was my inspiration. thinking in scenes as opposed to in prose...

efjay: thanks

afrobabe: stop looking at the posts like I am coding some secret. Just read

baroque: lol. thanks. I do do it off the top of my head. that is the easiest way for me.

geisha: thanks, i loove yours too.

Afrobabe said...

lol...I do feel its a secret...if I had concentrated this hard in school I would have made a first class...lol

StuffAPIU said...

lol...Pretty hilarious post.

www.stuffafricanpeoplehate.com

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL @ Prince of my Castle

maithumbi said...

u 3 much! i fit sell my soul to the devil to yawn like you... actually, i offer am but he no wan buy...

Sha said...

na wa oh..
interesting read.. seems like ive been missin a lot then

Ms.O said...

wow love it...seems soo believable!!..or is it?!?!?!?!

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Anonymous said...

Разговаривать не могу. Какой-то ступор. Пыталась учить наизусть диалоги. При диалоге фразы из них не вспоминаются! Это стало ещё одной задачей. Читала различные советы. Скайп не люблю. Вообще я интроверт. Мне надо очень хорошо хнать человека,чтобы с ним разговаривать. Но язык надо развязать, для работы. Написала сюда,может кто что-то подскажет. Спасибо!|Просто интересно :) Чего вы боялись в детстве? Может боялись какой-нибудь фильм,мультфильм, или же вам в шкафу или же под кроватью какое-то существо мерещилось?

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Alita Duplanty said...

lmao! A lot of people do take this bloggin thing too seriouslmao! A lot of people do take this bloggin thing too seriousamazing