Wednesday, October 31, 2007

So cos I temporary have my profs camera...

So I was tired of eating.... (yeah, am an ungrateful heiffer at times)

So i went and got out...

the yam

chopped peppers and onions

corned beef


and came up with
Washed down with

Then instead of repeating that the next day, I decided I wanted some fake pounded yam and ewedu

So I burst out the frozen package of ewedu and shoved it in the blender

Put water on fire (and some blended crayfish and seasoning in the ewedu)

and warmed some of the old fish stew

So my okele making skills still have a long way to go...this is at the beginning o before some of you start making noise

But if you put the saucer (or whatever you use to scoop the meal) in hot water and pat the whole thing down after it's all done, u end up with...

So all in all
Rice+ stew+ fish+dodo= A-
Yam + Corned Beef Stew = A+
Fake Pounded Yam= C+
Ewedu= A+
Fake Pounded Yam + Ewedu= B-
Catwalq after eating all this food = quite useless

And thru it all my sink was....

Please feel free to make yourself a plate....

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Cleanliness is next to Catwalq

When I was a little girl, my mother would shake her head in despair at the state of my room. The room I shared with my younger brother always seemed to have an invisible wall with his side spotting the made bed and my side a postcard image for a cyclone disaster.

I also promised myself never to become my mother who had sponges for everything (sponge for tumblers was not to be mixed with the one for plates and those, God forbid, must never be mixed with the one intended for the gas cooker...) and napkins for every occasion. She is clean to a fault.

Flash forward to today and I am my mother. I have to make my bed before I leave. My closet must be arranged and be able to shut. My drawers are neat and arranged. My kitchen must be spotless and so must my bathroom be. My books and reading materials, not so much so but everything does have some sort of order.
The problem: I have a suitemate.

Maybe it is just me but I don't care what kind of weave you have but if it is shedding like a mongrel, it really should not be on your head.

You have to learn to clean your toilet at least once a week. For boys, that might not be a serious issue but if you are spotting a vagina or intend to stick something of yours in one, the toilet must be paid attention to

Once you are older than eleven, I don't see why anyone should have to remind you to do your dishes. It makes the kitchen smell, breeds roaches and is a burden on your roommates

No matter how pretty you are, if you cannot keep a home clean and you intend to validate your existence through marriage, you might be unpleasantly surprised to find that even though your husband has armed you with an army of paid staff, they do not respect you and neither does he. Also, chances are that you will breed another species of dirty people just like you.

Everyone should have . Lysol with bleach. It is man's gift to those who cannot scrub the tub after a shower (which you should do to avoid stains and discolorations). All you have to do is spray the tub down, go put on your body lotion, come back and rinse it down and go off to your day.

As you cook, clean up. That way, when you are done the kitchen does not look like something horrible happened and we need to send for CSI

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. If your body is a temple for God, should the place within which you place this said temple not be worthy of it?

I am trying not to get fatigued by the experience of a girl who is using her body like a woman but refusing to keep her home (or suite which we share) like one. It makes me feel like I am thirty and more to be obsessing over the fact that there is hair in the sink, foundation stains on the counter top and spilled food in the fridge....I don tire o my people.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Brave Ones and Lost Ladies.

So I was avoiding my homework and gallivanting about blogville when I found this.

I was immediately flashed back to when I was in secondary school and one of my classmates told me about a family she knew that was being torn apart.

Apparently the family was of one of the elders in her church. The son of this family whom I will call Brave One had fallen in love and decided to marry this girl whom we shall call Lost Lady. What was the fuss about? Well you see, Lost Lady, whilst in her youth had experimented and been about town quite a number of times. And she had been a student at the government college where my classmate's father had been the principal (that's how she even knew Lost Lady who had been suspended and reprimanded so many times, it was unbelievable)

So in any case, Lost Lady had lost her way, painted the town red, been expelled and left the place for Lagos. There, she also shook the third mainland bridge and rotated the island. Then one day, she met Brave One and calmed down. He knew her past because they had been classmates or something of the sort. He did not care. Together, they built a relationship that everyone was against from the very beginning.

The whole thing exploded when Brave One returned home to this same town that they all came from (and where she had schooled) to announce that he had asked Lost Lady to be his wife and she had said yes. Brave One was promptly disowned by his father with the option of a return only when the relationship was terminated. The poor guy asked them to kiss his derriere, went on to marry the chick and have a beautiful baby boy.

So now, Little Brave One is about two years old (at the time I am hearing the story), the family is split because siblings are taking sides, community is talking, my classmate's father who is most respected has been called to intervene ( Methinks Brave One is the only son...or something) etc.

This whole time my friend is talking, the group is all ears and chipping in "Ehn-ehn", "for real?" and "can you imagine?" where necessary. I am more intrigued by the fact that she (my friend) is not in support of the union and the fact that the parents of the boy are leaders in their church.
It just so happened that I heard the story after a marathon of religious discussion where the general consensus was that my choice of faith was going to lead me to a fiery pit and only a conversion to theirs was going to change my sorry fate.

I asked ' So, she cannot get a second chance?"
The conversation stalled. Then immediately sprang up with responses that were along the lines of "But look at all she has done...." Apparently, she used to date older men, smoke, sleep around, bail out of school, steal...anything you can think a misguided chick can do in her teens.

After reading Seun's post as well as a few others that I have perused in the past 48 hours, I was once again wearied by the knowledge of the standards that society places on my sex. A misguided woman can never find redemption. A misguided man defines redemption. A sexually aware/ liberated woman has a permanent apartment in the devil's condominium complex. Well, wasn't a man built to be depositing his gifts all around?...I mean, walk down any Lagos street and they are there spraying the walls of public property with their ammonia laden gifts and a woman who does the same has to hide behind bushes that might give her a horrible itch.

The most judgemental are also the most religious. It doesn't matter the faith. I have met some Eckists too that have caused me to blanch at their ignorance...but every soul is entitled to their level of consciousness.

This girl needed a second chance. She had made mistakes with the decisions she had taken. She was lucky, she found a man who was willing to help her rebuild her life. Whether he later fell to the pressure of his family of emotionally blackballed her into subservience by lauding her past over her head remained to be seen but at the time of the story, he was the Brave One.
His family did not see his decision to stand by this woman as strength but as a sign of his weakness to his lust or her use of some charms over him.

The church had banned the couple because they were seen as immoral. And so did most people who heard the story. She and so many women have never been given a chance to rise back to their glory because the society is hypocritical whereas Alamiesiegha or what ever his name was given a return party after he returned from his brief incarceration. His errs most likely has cost many a family their livelihood and happiness, many a youth their dream and our nation her dignity but hey, he is man and Lost Lady a demonic incarnate.

Men, one day you will meet a lost lady. Be brave enough to love her and give her a chance. I am sure that is all she needs to find her way. Women like that are usually always reliant on men for direction and validation so your support will be the nudge that she lost her way to find.

Ladies, let's give our sisters a break. Any one of us could be her.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Is it just me....

Or has blogville suddenly become lethargic?
There are very few attention grabbing posts out there and all those blogs that kept us riveted through the summer lie dormant, neglected or ravaged by the scourge of malicious anonymous commentaries.
I guess, all we have to do is wait and see what will come of this. Like life, there is never a vacuum but there are always periods of inactivity.
For my brethren who are still fighting the good fight and blessing us with the benefit of the eloquence of their blogs or those who have found a way to seduce our minds, bodies and hearts with their piercing words and sensual oration, I say keep it up. Like all things Naija, we still full ground.

So, Catwalq is back from her trip and trying to get her life and studies back on track.
She is also trying not to pine too much for that certain someone who has laid siege to Catwalq's senses and cell phone minutes.
She feels invigorated and ready to spring back to action...if she will just sit her pretty derriere down and do the work.
She is trying to manage her new job.
She is working on a master plan for the new Botswana International University of Science and Technology...which though might not get built, could very well help secure her an internship
She is trying to coax herself to work out...cos he plays soccer every Friday and there is no way she is going to be upstaged when he unleashes himself on her.
She is happy and grateful for that as that has seemed to elude her for a while.
She feels very optimistic about all the great things about to happen.
She is trying to manage curling her weave every morning...she is getting better at avoiding her ear lobes and forehead (hot metal is a biatch).
She is going to do her homework now cos it is past 12.00 midnight and she has done not a thing.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

From Minneapolis with love...

Just got back
Lightheaded and cleansed
Made the connection
Heard the message
Asked for a sign
And u delivered
So I have returned
With a message of change
In this Year of Blessing
Give love to all life
Check out some pics from my trip.
And my latest with Tammy

Tuesday, October 16, 2007



30+: I don't know what I did to offend God but he really needs to forgive me immediately.

Princessa: My sister, my sister, my sister

Waffarian: Chei, how am i supposed to start going back to Warri this night?

Ugo D: Why are we always in trouble every day? Me I am tired o

Boorish: *laughing hysterically*

30+: What is this one problem now?

Waffarian: His own has not yet worn off

Ugo D: I am so fucking upset.

Jeremy Naija Blog: You can say that again...why are we out here and the others aren't?

Geisha: They are all in the sick bay. And senior Bimbylads said she is not releasing us unless we confess

Waffarian: If I had known, I for bin join them ehn. At least I would have enjoyed some part of this.

Jeremy: Look here, these knees were not built for this type of punishment. This is unjust! This is inhumane! This is....!

Boorish: Oyinbo, abeg quiet before I brush you. Don't explode my brain joo. *bursts into laughter*

Geisha: Hey God oooooo, what is all this?

30+: my mother is going to kill me

Princess: my mummy that told me that if I got into any more trouble she will shave my head

Ugo D: I think gorimapa is going to be quite in vogue for most of us

Geisha: se if it was only shaving of our heads that will be okay, we might get suspended.

Waffarian: If catch that useless Anonymous, I am going to rearrange her front teeth.

Ugo D: I think her fall down the stairs already beat you to it.

30+: Me, I am going to use grass to braid her hair

Boorish: *almost rolling on the floor* Please wait...I can't breathe. *pauses* wait, what are talking about?

Ugo D: Yo Boor, u might want to go drink some water or something...or be quiet.

Boor: (leaning over and putting his arm around Ugo's shoulder) I love you man.

Geisha: We are finished.


Nurse Lighty: Eees you!!! Get down from that buglary proof now!!!

D.O.G: monkeeeeeeeee! Monkeeeeee!

Yosh: (singing) it's a beautiful daaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy

Toyintomato: bo rocky. yeah men, yeah men. dat yeye woman. come and went and went and went

Atutupoyoyo: and went where?

Toyintomato: Hehn? wharrautalginhabout?

Atutupoyoyo: I didn't know you had a twin, what is she doing here?

Toyintomato: hehn?

AtutuP: There's two of you

Nurse Sparkle: Jisoz!!! Get up! Stop That! see this useless girl pissing on the floor

Overwhelmed: oops

Idemmili: Dude, look I have four boobs

Ubong Da: yeah

Idemmili: That's my arse silly

Ubong Da: Looks like boobs to me

Idemmili: Everything looks like boobs to me

Yosh: I like boobs. can I have yours?

Idemmili: No

Yosh: Why?

Idemmili: cos...cos...(pauses and thinks) cos I lost them

Ubong Da: yeah.... I miss them, they were nice

Toyintomato: Atutu, se you like me

Atutu: of course... I like all three of you

Toyintomato: Yes....ehn?

FineBoy: Kpakpa is a fine girl, eeyah eeyah oooooo

Kpakpando: (giggling)

Omodudu (lying very still)


Jaja: I don't know whether to laugh or cry

Solomonsydelle: We are in serious trouble. We can't go back to class or we will have to serve punishment. We can't go in, cos they will carry us with them

36 Inches...: What happened sef?

Jaja: I don't even know.

Solomonsydelle: It's that useless Anonymous o. She brought this drink to class and gave it to everyone to drink.

36 Inches...: and then? so is it now alcohol that is doing them like this?

Jaja: I have a feeling there was something else in that keg

36 Inches...: Haba!!! Keg ke? Where did she find it

Solomonsydelle: me, i know? That trouble maker. That's how she was spreading rumours that time and made people to be fighting

(Nwanyi Ocha, Taurean Minx Olawunmi appear)

Nwanyi: You!!!

Jaja/Solomonsydelle/36: Senior me?

Nwanyi: No, my twin sister....Msstssststhw!!! What happened?

Jaja: I...I...erm...

Olawunmi: Young man, choose your words wisely

Solomonsydelle: I think some of the class might have, probably, supposedly, kind of , in a way were sort of ...

Taurean Minx: Is the end of your sentence and the point the same thing?

Nwanyi Ocha: maybe if i slap all your three heads together, you will wake up and start talking

Olawunmi: Are you not in the same class as the Ghana-must-go dudes?

Taurean Minx: His name is Fine Boy....(Olawunmi raises his eyebrows)

Nwanyi Ocha: One more time, what happened? Kpakpando was involved?

36: I am not in the class...I was not there

Nwanyi: Then be silent!

Jaja: They got hold of some funny liquid and most of the class drank it

Olawunmi: How "funny" is funny?

Taurean Minx: I mean, someone bit Mrs. Somebody...

Olawunmi: Who was it?

Jaja: I believe it was Toyintomato.

36: Why? (realising) very sorry.

Jaja: Apparently, she felt that Mrs. Somebody was shouting at her husband too much so she jumped from her chair and bit the teacher.

Taurean Minx: (trying not to laugh) And who is this her husband?

Solomonsydelle: Atutupoyoyo.

Olawunmi: I am tired of this class. Everytime I am summoned by the proprietor, I have to come sort something you have done out. I think all the miscreants are in this class

Nwanyi Ocha: I am going to beat that stupid Kpakpa until she can't see straight. Now her mother is going to be shouting that I am not taking care of her daughter. How am I supposed to help it that her daughter is prone to mango tree climbing, Ghana-must-go shipments and alcohol consumption? You know she had to be chased down by two teachers? they caught her when she tried to climb the fence. She was so high she was just jumping in the air,she could not find the wall

Olawunmi: I have a bloody headache


Nurse Lighty: Overwhelmed, sit still

Overwhelmed: There are seven continents in the world

Nurse Lighty: (sarcastically) No shit

Overwhelmed: Yes...and you have sweaty armpits

Nurse Lighty: (Thinking) I don't think anyone will suspect if I just give this girl pain killers

Fine Boy: Kpakpando, you are very pretty. I am just lawling, anytime i see you. Just lawling

Kpankpando: lawl, lawl, lawl

Omodudu: (lying very still) I think the fan is trying to run away

Yosh: I like fans. Can I have that one?

Idemmili: Do my boobs look like fans?

Ubong Da: yes...all three of them

So I will be out till Sunday. enjoy and please feel free to leave your comments

Sunday, October 14, 2007


I ask you my dear friends, what can we do to help our environment?
I think I can help by not adding to its destruction.

I pledge to do what I can to be a positive contributor to this earth. It has been a gift to me by my maker and my care if it will be my gift to him.

Let's be kind to each other and be kind to this land.

Let's take a stand. If we loose the land, what do we have left?

Friday, October 12, 2007


I have survived the week. By Tuesday, I was not sure I would. I had the Introductory Talk on Eckankar on Wednesday (the post it inspired I guess was not well received, cos I am thinking most people think I am weird. Nothing new.)

Was able to get some sleep. Somehow managed to feed even though I am running on an account red. Even managed somehow to be happy about the whole situation.

I am in class. About five minutes to go and it (the class) has disintegrated with each passing minute culminating in a near exchange of words between the professor and a fellow classmate. I am all for speaking your mind and holding on to your principles but it is going to take some undue harassment for me to raise my voice at my professor, especially if the project was not executed as requested. This is not the first time I have witnessed a student talk back.
I have had my work torn apart so terribly, I am still wondering how come I am in my fourth year because if the review I got had been an indication, I would have repeated the class.
Design is subjective. The professors are always biased but at the end of the day, the points they make out weigh their prejudices.

I am not going out this weekend. I have too much work. I am going to Minneapolis for the Eck Worldwide Seminar on Wednesday and so all projects due before then, I have to complete. This is one of those times I am grateful that I am more or less a loner. Imagine if I had to cater to the needs of that significant someone, my needy friends etc.

I wish everyone a great weekend. I am exhausted but I still raise my arms to hug you.

Academie IV on the way....

Monday, October 08, 2007

Dreams: A key to your spiritual destiny

This post was inspired by comments made and shared with Unbiased.

An interviewer once asked me why I had put "sleeping" down as one of my interests. I told him it was because when I slept, I dreamt and when I dreamt, I went places. I did things. Saw things. Lived a bit more. I was stronger, braver, happier and more free; qualities that I felt I needed to develop to survive in my creative career path of architecture. I don't know if he agreed with me because at the end of the day, I did not get the job but then again, I had not seen it in my dream that I would so I let it go until the one that was for me came along.

Most times, when I tell people of my faith, I either get an immediate flurry of questions aimed at discrediting my choice or they make the assumption that I am in it simply because I was born into the faith. No. I had been given many chances while growing up to change my faith. In fact, Islam is the registered faith on my birth certificate. However, I have chosen to remain an Eckist because I have tested its principles against my life and they have been to my liking. One of such principles is the study of my dreams.

I really like those ads that come up on television where some person tells you that they can help you find solutions to your life by helping you to interprete your dreams. That intrigues me greatly because I know for a fact that my dreams can only be read by me because over the years of documenting my dreams - I keep what is called a dream journal; a book into which I write whatever it is I remember about the dreams I have- I have been able to pick up enough signs and symbols that apply just to me.

Mostly my dreams tell me what is to happen in advance.

I graduated from secondary school in 2001. It took me three years to get into the university. I did not want to school in the country. From an early age, I sensed I was different and that if I was not careful, the environment I was in would crush that and make me just a generic individual- not that that is bad, but if that is not what you want, that can be horrible- so I did all I could to try and get out of the country. When I started my plans, I wanted to go to the United States. My family possessed neither the money nor the connections to make that happen. I tried for a scholarship. I failed Jamb twice; once because I couldn't be bothered and the second time because I refused to pay the invigilator. My mother sold her only land to pay for A levels, which I failed as well (yeah I know I am one of those kids). It was still good enough to apply to university in South Africa and I began the process.

It was taking forever so I figured I was going nowhere. My father was not even for the idea. His dreams had been shattered long ago and he had developed the survivor's habit of dreaming just within your reach. I put in my application for OAU to study architecture. With my A level grades, I was accepted into advance placement - Year 2. I began to make arrangements to settle down nicely in my fatherland. Maybe, my first sojourn to the white man's land would be as a tourist...much better sef than stressing over school.

Then I had a dream. I was walking on the roof of a building. I was carrying a little girl and holding the hand of a little boy. Ahead of me was a man, lugging a suitcase and a huge bag. I looked down from where I was and there were many people in coloured shirts milling around. I could not make out their faces or where I was. When I woke up, I was so freaked out because I thought I was seeing myself with my children. The man, whom I did not recognise, was much older and I knew definitely that I was not older in the dream than I was in real life. I thought it meant that if I continued on the same path as I was with one of my guy friends, I was bound to get pregnant -hence the kids. I started to avoid the boy like a plague. Because God knew that my agro-ed adolescent body was just a ticking time bomb.

Flash forward almost eight months. I have arrived in the United States after a whirlwind of activities- got my 1-20 when one yeye man who does not know his own name told me I wouldn't get one, got my visa in one try and got the last economy seat on the plane. My cousin whom I had never met, picked me up from the airport and took me to school. I was left to check in and he went to get his kids. When he came back, he had with him my suitcase, my brand new bedding set purchased from Target (which I thought was the bomb and still do), his three year old daughter and six year old step son. Because we got into the east wing of the dorm and not the west, where my room was, we were shown a linking bridge between the two buildings via the roof. I carried the little girl and took the boy's hand cos he looked like he was about to try some spider man tactics and fly off the roof. My cousin walked ahead with my things. As we crossed the roof, I suddenly had the urge to look down. The student organisations in their coloured shirts were singing and dancing and passing out water, trying to get the freshman hyped. I nearly passed out when I realised that I was looking at my dream. Then it became clear why the school was familiar and why out of three colleges applied to, it was the only one to give me admission.

Over a year later, this same cousin hit me repeatedly in a fit of anger and threw my things out of his house in the middle of the night - a story for another day. As he hit me, the only name I could shout was that of my spiritual guide. Luckily, the bruises were emotional and mental. I was not shocked by what he had done. I had seen it in a dream weeks before that he had hit. I had "cancelled" it with my spiritual exercises but still it happened. For many reasons. One, I had become complacent since my arrival in the states. I wasn't doing my spiritual exercises as dedicatedly and unknowingly had become a financial burden on him; a burden that neither he nor I had foreseen nor one that he felt capable to accomodate. He was stressed. He lost his temper. I swore that the next time a man raises his hand against me, I am prepared to die defending myself because like all things controversial, his family brushed it aside and asked me why I had angered him.

The next time I would see him, I was prepared in the dream state. I was to go to my aunt's house on xmas eve and take her out to go see "Memoirs of a Geisha". I saw him in the dream and for the first time in months of seeing him or his family members, I refused to run away but stood and faced him. He could not say anything to me in the dream. My aunt called to warn me the next day that he had just called her to tell her that he was coming to her house. I told her I already knew. She was shocked. I did not elaborate. She told me that there was to be a dinner at his house and if I wanted to come. I said no. I had been warned in my dream not to go. She went. There was an arguement. He hit her, broke her leg when she slid in the ice, knocked her older sister who had jumped in to break the scuffle and frightened her little boy.

This and many other things unrelated to him have been shown to me in the dream state. I don't have to go to any priest or spiritual leader to see what is to happen to me, what I need to do or what I need to stop doing because I will always know. Dreams are for me, my most direct link with Holy Spirit. I have learned that from being an Eckist.

You in your individual faiths can learn that too. Your dreams are an indicator of your inner and outer life. Chances are that if you remember and acknowledge your dreams, you are a spiritually aware soul and can easily pick up on signs that come your way from Holy Spirit both when you are awake and asleep.

Yoruba's say " Ala go" which means "Dreams are useless". I disagree. Study yours and you too might do the same.

Saturday, October 06, 2007




TIME: 7.00- 8.30 PM






Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I am 23 today....Oct 4th

So, like 23 years ago on this day; a thursday I think and at 5.00 am in the morning, I arrived on earth, disoriented and exhausted.

Since deciphering that the worn out woman inspecting my limbs was my mother, the man who was scared to carry me was responsible for my arrival and that he intended to follow up on his performance with a male child whom I would try unsuccessfully to send back, I can comfortably say that at 23 I have been blessed with the best of experiences.

My tears have been the best.

My laughter has been the best.

My journeys have been the best.

My friends ( the real ones) have been the best.

My dreams have been the best...for me.

I am 23. Officially. Today. Oct 4th.It sounds odd.

Have homework to do.

Monday, October 01, 2007

NIGERIA DEAREST (even though I missed the submissions deadline)

NIGERIA: Catwalq, why the long face? You should be up on the dance floor...It's my birthday. c'mon, get off your arse

CATWALQ: I am sorry I don't feel like dancing. Happy birthday by the way.

NIGERIA: Why are you acting this way? First you deserted me and when you return, you cannot even join me in simple celebration? Look at all the important people here....

CATWALQ: I am sorry if you thought I deserted you. That was never my plan.

NIGERIA: So where did you go?

CATWALQ: I went to train with your friend, U.S

NIGERIA: That stupid bitch. She takes everything I own.

CATWALQ: You let her.

NIGERIA: Excuse you? Who are you talking to like that? Have you forgotten all your home training? Or when did you start disrespecting your elders?

CATWALQ: *sigh* I am sorry that you are offended. But I am not lying.

NIGERIA: Who are you raising your voice at?

CATWALQ: *exasperated* You know what, I don't know why I am even keeping silent. What is all this? This parade of hypocrisy.

NIGERIA: Catwalq, if you are not here to have fun, then I suggest you return to US. She can give you what she always has to keep you brainwashed against me. I was celebrating the return of another one of my daughters only to find out that she spites me.

CATWALQ: I do not spite you. I am just irritated with you. You are 47 for goodness sakes. When are you going to stop pretending you are in your twenties and still young. Look at you. Your skin is terrible; your weave needed to have been left in the seventies where it belongs, come to think of it, so also do your clothes....

NIGERIA: *spluttering*

CATWALQ: Look at the useless people celebrating on your birthday. Where are those who love you? They are not here. They are working hard to make the money to foot the bills and expenses of this party. Where are your sons and daughters? The ones whom you birthed on the night that creativity came to visit. Where are they? if they have not had the creativity stripped from them, they have been exiled to foreign and distant lands where they exist as second class citizens.


(Ministers, senators and lawmakers approach.The music dies down)
Ministers : What is going on here? Young Lady, what is the problem?

CATWALQ: I am speaking to my mother. It is non of your business. Go back to what you know how to do....eating and drinking...draining my mother dry.

NIGERIA: No daughter of mine talks like that

CATWALQ: When she has had it up to here, she does. Why can't you see how ridiculous you are right now?

Senators: Look here young woman, we are going to ask you to leave. You are not her only child here. If you cannot be respectful, you will have to leave

CATWALQ: *laughs without mirth* Don't worry, I am already gone. But not for long. I will return and if it is only one of her houses that I can clean out, I will get rid of every last one of your thieving selves

NIGERIA: Catwalq, you are making a scene. How can you talk to them like that? Do you know that they are working day-in-day-out to help preserve mother's worth?

CATWALQ: I must have missed the memo because the only thing I see them do is haul tables and chairs at each other in the name of lobbying. the only time they come to a consensus is when money has to be distributed...illicitly.


CATWALQ: Kini? Ma a mi, e fi mi sile o.

NIGERIA: *very sad* You were one of my great prides. What happened to you?

CATWALQ: The same thing that happened to all your other children. When you whored for the white man, we bore it in silent shame. Until we could bear it no more and we had to get them out. But did we really?

Your finances are in a shit hole. Your kids come out of schools; schools that are by the way under equipped to provide them with resources for them to harness their talents to the best of their abilities, and they cannot find jobs. You daughters till today have no laws protecting their rights and identities and neither do their children. Some are using religion to oppress others. The traditions you relied on are now considered foul and absolute. Look at this, I try to talk to you and you immediately go on the defensive. You need to see your face on international news: if you are not stealing and defrauding, you are prostituting and killing. Do you even know how many of you children have died in the Niger Delta or are you content to have these bloody barawos simply leech of you, your precious resources and use none of it for your offspring?

NIGERIA: I hear you doing alot of talking. What have you done for me? What fight have you ever fought? All I have done, I have had to do for you...for all of you. I am doing my best. I need you to come and help me.

CATWALQ: I will return to you but I cannot live with you as you are.

NIGERIA: Oh, so now you have lived with US and now I am no longer good enough for you?

CATWALQ: You have always been the best for me...but right now, I cannot allow your grandchildren to see you as you are. It will be too damaging for them.

Lawmakers: so after you have messed up this party, what are you going to do? We are not responsible for the actions of all her children. We don't tell them to rob and steal from each other. We don't tell them to be dirty and bring diseases on each other. Even when one of you comes to help, they will destroy it after a while. We do the best we can but you children are not helping yourself. You will rather plot to destroy your fellow human being out of spite and envy than for you to see how you too can achieve what can be yours.

CATWALQ: what do you mean, you are not responsible? you are entrusted with the care and management of our mother. You exploit her and you think her children don't look at that and assume that it is okay to do the same. I mean, when have you ever rewarded any of her children for doing the right thing? Yet you pat yourselves on the back for a job well done looting the family wealth? You are disgusting!

Senators: You are messing up the party. Sisi Naija, don't mind her. Come and dance jare. Look at her, she has not a dime to her name. What can she do for you?


Ministers: The senators are right. She is all talk. We are the movers and shakers. Just come with us and we will take good care of you.

CATWALQ: Mama, no. Stay a while with me. Let us talk. Tell me where it is hurting you. I will push with some of your other children and we will get you the medicines and care you need. We can heal you. Together we can try and once you start getting better, you will see, all your children will be better able to figure out how to get you where you need to go and keep you there. Then when US and Europe want to see you, they will be the ones having to jump through hoops. You are young. 47 is by no means old. Don't you know that 50 is the new 30?

NIGERIA: I don't know. The senators are calling me. They said they will give me new aso-oke to wear.

CATWALQ: Here, take my clothes.

NIGERIA: *gasps* put your clothes back on now! Are you crazy? What is wrong with you? How can you walk around naked.

Senators & Ministers: Wow, what did you say your name was again? Why didn't you say you had all these skills? You want to heal your mother? Come with me. Goodness child. so ripe.

CATWALQ: Mother, you say I have never fought any wars. I am trying to fight one now. I am standing before you in the flesh you gave me upon my birth. Take my hand. Let us return to your throne and help u heal. Come with me. Some of your children are waiting at the other house. We are trying to clean it bit by bit. Please come with me. Come and fight alongside your children. Together, we can cleanse your kingdom of all these parasites and ne'er-do-wells. Take my hand.

Lawmakers: Sisi Naija, come and have your picture taken with the Junior officer from the US Senate.

CATWALQ: That's not even the president. Mother come with me. You deserve better.

NIGERIA: Just one picture and I will be back. I have to be courteous to my guests.

CATWALQ: What about your children. We need you.

NIGERIA: I am coming

Senators: You can leave or you can stay. Your mother is busy. Here is my card. call me if you need anything.