Friday, March 21, 2008


I see it in their eyes when they look at me. The silent judgement. The mockery behind their greetings. The snickers barely masked in their laughter. I don't care. It is the hypocrisy of their world. It is the hyporcrisy of our world that allows them to come to me when they need me or my connections and yet turn around and speak out of the side of their mouths down at me and who I am.

Who am I? I am not sure anymore. I have not been too sure for quite a while. I mean, I have not changed that much. I am still short. I am still dark. My hair still cannot be tied in a bun and my tummy is not quite as flat as I desire it to be. I still like the same foods and to most extents, dream the same dreams. Then what has changed? How can my answer be "all and nothing"? Odd, I say. Most odd.

Like this one chattering away at my side. He has been at my side for twenty minutes, bending my air in his borrowed foreign accent to- I can only imagine- impress upon me his breeding so that I can impress upon him that I will do as he desires. I don't even know what he is talking about. And I would so love to leave. What he has had to drink oozes out and assaults my senses. It is definitely not wine. Probably beer. Upperclass indeed. I feign a sighting, make a wave at the "person" and move briskly away. Would the night ever end?

"How was the party?" he would ask me later as I pour him his brandy, his voice as warm and as thick as the liquid he is about to indulge in. I would hand him his drink without an answer and he would take it, both of us careful in the way we lightly allow our finger tips to touch. In everything we do we are careful. Careful. Careful. Careful.

It's not that no one must know. They already do. It's just that for the two of us, the parts we play are new to us and it is as if we are discovering the roles as we go along. He and I. He and I. How did we become "he and I"? I am not even sure. If I ask him too, I doubt he can say. But that we have become and the moment we crossed that threshold, there was no going back.

Not that I want to. I like it as it is. No, I love it. I love it. I love this new house on the Lagos waterfront, raised on a raft foundation and fortified against the water's reclaim of the land. I love my new car. I love the trips I take and the places I go. I love the fact that I no longer have to rise in haste in the morning rushing to make my living amongst the surviving horde that is the populace of our metropolis. Now, if I don't want to, I don't awake before ten am. Spoiled, I have become. And then above all, I love him and he loves me.

I mean, what else am I to do? I have really no where to go. No one to talk to. Nothing major to do. My father has decreed that none of his name shall have anything to do with me. And sadly, they have all agreed. Even mother. Bah! That woman.
I wonder what I have done that is so bad. Why is he such a hypocrite. I am the same age as her, the one that he keeps in a house in Abeokuta. Is it not funny how it is acceptable for him to do to another person's daughter what he cannot allow for his.

And he should not be upset. Unlike him and her, he and I are married. Yes, they were once best friends. Not anymore. The birth of "he and I" destroyed all that. I wonder what will happen in six months when there is another birth.

*sigh* here comes beer breath. Will this night ever end?


eFJay said...

Ewwwww!!! I absolutely hate alcohol breath! particularly beer!
Okay, i knw the girl ran off with a man against her father wish. and she is having his baby? is the man her dad's best friend? LOL

As i always, i loved it!

'ef babe'

Sting said...

I got it at the end. She married her dad's best friend. Interesting, reminds me of Bianca and Ojukwu.

InCogNaija said... always!

Jaycee said...

Catwalq style, captivating from the beginning to the end. i kept reading, could not take my eyes away from the screen.

...The evil of silence that cannot be broken...

I'm thinking she got married to a man, much older than she was, infact her father's age AND her father's former best friend. Her father disowns her, yet he has a mistress in Abeokuta his daughter's age...hypocrisy!

And then, she doesn't have to work because he is stinking rich..but as time goes on she gets bored and sad, and she remains silent in self-pity because she has no courage to step out on her own...she becomes a statistic.

Hope I understood the story...nice!

This was similar to somn Allied would write...beautiful!

Oracle said...

whassup Catwalq.
Whatz good with you?

Naapali said...

Pray, do continue

Ms. Catwalq said...

efjay: she chose a man against her father's wishes. Thanks

sting: i ojukwu was her father's friend? interesting. never paid much attention to those two


jaycee:thanks...I did not know that Allied had written something like this before...

Oracle: I am good. and u?

Naapali: what are u doing here? pretending like I did not ask for Beloved? tsk tsk tsk. What infatuation has put together, let Naapali not dare to put asunder.

If u want more, Naap, scratch my back...

Waffarian said...

Abeg, continue ohhhhhhhhhhhh.
What a great story.

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely beautiful.. the descriptions... perfect... storyline... fantastic... this babe i will buy 10 copies of your first book and give it to the people I love(. so you'd be getting one as )

Naapali said...

Your back is scratched! I have been busy looking for land in western Utah, so we can move and form our commune, Big Love style.
As pe Beloved and I are a package, u can't get one without the other.