Saturday, October 29, 2005

It has been quite a while.
What have I been going through? Quite alot. We have lost our first lady, (and rumours have it that she died under the knife of a cosmetic surgeon).I do not want to join the hordes of hypocrites who are heaping upon her the accolades. When she was alive, she was definitely not one of the women I held in high esteem and if indeed these rumours are true, that she died trying to undergo cosmetic surgery, then indeed she lived a life unworthy of mention. I am yet to find out one great thing she did in the scheme of contributing to the plight of Nigerian women. Till date, there have been no laws protecting women from physical abuse or sexual abuse. No laws to prevent and protect them from sexual harassment and discrimination. We have thousands fleeing the country in search of a better life in Europe, only to become sex workers who will either die from STDs like AIDS or will be deportrd in shame. All I ever knew her for was over dressing, excessive make up and her attendnace at parties. I did not even know that she had children, let alone a son at the age that he was.She was not too well liked or respected but I guess with death, alot fades from the minds of the living about the life of the deceased. I am alive and I know she will be missed by those who loved her but I was never impressed or intrigued by her. So, rest in peace, Stella, wherever you as soul have earned.
There has been a plane crash that killed over a hundred people including some very prominent memebers of our government. We had a bunch of exams and I did not do too well on some of them.
When Chinedu got up from my bed, he was very angry but as usual, he said not a word. He got dressed and did it as slowly as he possibly could. I did not try to hurry him. I think he was trying to buy time, hoping that Ibinabo will be at my door when he got there. If I had asked him to speed up his dressing, he might have flown off the handle. I know he does not like to share me with someone. I don't like to share him either but the web of deceit we have woven round each other cannot allow us to do otherwise. Our friends would not understand and we would be pressured into trying to make sure that our relationship works. Most likely it wouldn't, but you never know.
Neither one of our families would accept the other. My parents think that Chinedu is a ne'er-do-well with too indulgent parents and Chinedu's family would never accept a Yoruba daughter-in-law.
Oh my God! Did I just say 'daughter-in-law'? I can't imagine that I am actually contemplating being married to him. To Chinedu. But let's think about it for a minute. What will it belike being Mrs Ozodia. It probably would be nice. He is from a wealthy family and he is very ambitious. I know he has a thriving transport business. He runs two taxi's on the Unilag campus and has two danfo buses running on the island. Though all this fuel hike and police settling is not that favourable to him, he does quite well. He also throws parties and his club or fraternity or whatever you want to call them, is always giving one soiree or the other that he is usually in charge of organising. Thus, more dough to his pocket. He is quite generous and I think that besides the girls and in some cases, women, he is quite honest. He never really comes out to tell you that you are dating and so when one hears of another woman, his excuse is that 'we were never official.' I think I will hav ewhat every woman aspires to have in a husband: comfort,protection,companionship, some luxuries, hopefully healthy and definitely beautiful children and mind blowing sex.
WOW! That man has perfected the art of lovemaking. Last time, I thought, I was going to burst my vocal cords. you cannot help but scream. And he does not just take, he shows you how to give. The first time I thought to try oral sex, he declined. He told me that he knew I would not be comfortable with it and he would not want that. I went and borrowed a whole bunch of porn for reference.I can still see the baffled and sneering faces of the video store clerks as I checked them out. Practiced with a banana till I felt I had got the hang of it, then the next time we met, I went to work. His reaction introduced me to a new power that I had. I could blow real good. Many women, especially African women find oral sex to be dirty or appalling or something only hookers do. I do not think so. I believe that If you have never had it done to you, you would feel the same. Chinedu had introduced it to me from the very beginning and I was able to discover the wonders of multiple orgasms. i thought to reciprocate the feeling and I can tell you that I succeeded. He is the only man I do that to.
Ibinabo is not boring in bed. I do not find his touch distasteful but I 'have been there, done that'. He is gentle and very careful. His movements are methodical. He knows the places to touch to bring me to my quickest arousal and we have never gone past thirty minutes. The first time we hit a two hour mark and an alarming number of condoms, Chinedu and i went seperately to find the morning after pill. We had done it all and we had had fun. It's not even all the time we have sex. Sometimes, we talk. He is upset, he talks to me. Before last summer, we talked all the time. That was why we got along so well. I was privy to a side of him that no one in our clique of friends had access to. I knew what it had been like living in london, how his mother's death had affected him, his relationship with his father and step mother, his relationship with his siblings, what he wanted to do with his life, why he loved mathematics and why he did not like reading. I knew all the scars on his body and which ones were from deeper wounds than the others. I knew how much of a baby he was whenever he was ill. I knew he did not like fish and was allergic to shrimp. I found out the last one by mistake but in time. I prepared a dish and gave him some. His face swole up like a balloon. I cried all the way to the hospital and then, I could not drive so he still had to drive himself to Ikeja general hospital, speeding like a maniac, trying to out run the shutting off of his eyes. We did not tell anyone because then we would have had to explain, why we had been hanging out by ourselves. And that was months before we started sleeping together. Those were the days. Watching movies, going to see plays.
When I had just graduated from Queen's College, he would take me during the period I was at home for a year, to plays at his school. Usually, we went as a group from the estate but I would be seated next to him and we would unsuccessfully try to whisper our comments during the show.
The one time, I went to see a play with Ibinabo, he fell asleep. How can anyone sleep with all the noise and drumming coming from the stage as well as the loud reactions from the crowd.
Ibinabo loves to read...boring books. He is safe to be with. Do I love him? No. I will not leave him though. He is my security blanket.
So when he bumped into Chinedu and I as he was leaving my room, we immediately launched into a conversation about a project and whether or not Chinedu was going to give me 'the thing'. Ibinabo could not follow or understand what was going on and assumed Chinedu's 'reluctance' to give me 'the thing' stemmed from lack of money. He gave me N15,ooo before he left. I did not feel guilty taking his money. I know about the girl from church that his parents want him to marry and how much he actually likes her.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

My goodness!
What a week and a half i have had.
We sorted through the Mr.Lecturer shit. 'She' still went. i am beginning to think she did not actually mind in the beginning because come to think of it, she really was not as bothered as we her friends were. she told me that 'it'wasn't that bad. EUGH!!!!!!!
Back to me....
My weekend was the stuff of least if you have a 'boyfriend' who drops in suddenly on you whilst you are tied up with your summer ex- fling.
There was a party and some lag boys came. In fact, alot of them came. one of the club chapters in Ife was throwing its own party and thus alot students from lagos came down in droves for the party. three artists performed. Was nice... Chinedu came with one of his current flings.
When I saw him, we greeted like old buddies but i could feel something in the slight squeeze of his hug. the party which was actually a coalition of about three different parties was off the hook. too many people and waaaayyyy too much alcohol. And every girl there was trying to show as much of their 'assets' without being slutty. Let's just say some were successful whilst others...well....did not quite get the drift of why clothes were invented. i will not name names but eh-ehm...Idia room 306 and moremi's D211, C298, F372, G211,A122,A231,A167.... the list is too long and besides, i do not know everyone's room number.
I went outside to catch some air as some of the guys we were rolling with had become one with their drinks. Eugh! I saw Chinedu hanging with some of his guys while his 'girlfriend' was HANGING off his arm, pretending not to notice that he was openly checking other girls out and even talking to them Some girls amaze me with their inability or reluctance to see that they mean only as much to these guys as their next lay. Touche. Anyways, i saw him and he saw and we made eye contact. we used to have our little codes that we used when we were with our group of friends to signal that we should both get waya and meet up somewhere. He would touch his left brow and I would rub my lips together as if i had just applied gloss or lipstick. i did that because it also indicated to him what kind of meeting I was in the mood for. This time, I didn't do anything when he touched his brow, I simply nodded and began to walk towards where the cars where parked. i did not see him follow me as i walked but i kept moving away from where the lights from the building could discern my figure or face. I was momentarily startled when I heard a sound from a car, it was the muffled sounds of a couple. i laughed softly to myself as i walked away because i knew fully well what they were up to. i nearly jumped out of my skin when a hand closed over my mouth. It was the silly Chinedu, he had been walking parallel to me the whole time and because i had been expecting him to be behind me, i hadn't seen him.
I pushed him away and swatted his hand.
"what is wrong with you? scaring me like that?"
He looked almost contrite,
"I am sorry."
My heart was still racing but as i looked at him in his oh-so-good shirt and dark jeans over dress shoes, my heart was taking on another rhythm. i remember asking myself why i reacted t him like this and why i was content with this hide and seek game we played.
"you look smashing tonight...knew I was coming?" he said brushing a knuckle over my upper arms. I huffed at his nerve and cocked an eyebrow,
"Say what? You? i barely remembered your name." i replied, trying to be cocky. i actually hadn't known he would be coming but i was glad i had tried extra hard on my look...I even wore white, he had said he liked me in white.
He stepped forward,
"well, I knew i was coming and that i was going to see you so i made sure i had my good shoes..." he said against my hair. he is at least two feet taller that i am and with heels, I still get up to just below his chin. I looked at his feet to try and take my mind off the scent of him and how it completely filled my senses. I remember once telling him how much i curse whoever designed tims after one guy nearly crushed my toes with his at a club. Chinedu's were shiny black..Italian I think.
He reached out and pulled me into his arms and I went quietly.
"i missed you, you know. I wanted to talk to you when that your SU aunty was around that day, but you know..."
I did indeed know. Once, when chinedu's mom had been around and she had come to visit, she had unwittingly confided some things about his behaviour to my mum and aunty SU had been there and she had embarked on a deliverance session on the then seventeen year old Chinedu. I knew it had taken all of his upbringing and will power not to walk out on her unending prayer for his soul. I did not want to think about that. he was here and i was in his arms.
I reached behind him and playfully grabbed his butt. I love his butt, especially without clothes on them. he chuckled, a sound that rumbled against my ears, and rocked me. I pulled away and led him to the boot of a car indicating i wanted to seat. as much as i loved being in his arms, i had been in heels for over four hours and i am not such a magician that i do not feel pain in my heel. He lifted me on to the car and moved between my legs. We did not speak. He rested his head against my bosom and I just loved the feel of him. i held him.
Somewhere in the mix of talking, we began to make out. It was slow at first like me were trying to remember and recollect what we used to taste like. Then, we sort of lost control. Kissing Chinedu is like drinking wine. you have to savour each one and drink deeply. then as you get heady, you try as much as possible to gulp it down. I also love his hands, he does not paw or grope....but gently feels you and guides you into him.
We had to pull apart because if we hadn't we would have gone too far right there and then.
"Where are you staying tonight?" i asked
"with you?" he said
"What about all those girls you came with, especially the one that has attached herself to your hand."
"My guys will organize her."
I chuckled imagining what would be going on in the girl's mind when the party was over and she searched high and low for him with no sign of his whereabouts. i wondered if one day, he would do the same to me. i mean, here I am allowing a secret exual relationship to continue.
"friends with benefits." we called ourselves but I knew that deep inside, what we did menat much more to me. i pulled away.
"What is it?"
I looked into his eyes, they seemed troubled. i couldn't be sure. i had seen him put on that same look just before he discarded of some female to sneak upstairs to his room with me or who ever was there.
"One day," I said slowly, "I might be in her shoes." i nudged my head in the direction of the party, indicating the girl.
"Or one day, i will be in Ibinabo's shoes." He said simply, then shook his head, "Heck, I am already in his shoes. He moved to the side, "you were the one that said we should keep it secret.'
I remembered. it was indeed me. And I know why I said that. i looked at Chinedu, he was looking at his feet, his hands had been balled into fists and shoved into his pockets. He was angry and I did not know why. I didn't want that. I stepped behind him and embraced him. I felt his angry stiffness disipate into a sigh. It sounded weary, like he was tired and had no choice but to give what? He turned to look at me,
"You do not understand...You don't know..."
I was confused. He always spoke to me in short sentences, like there was a great thought and calculation into his choice of words.
"What?" i asked him.
He kissed me.
i don't remeber much after that. Like how we got to my room in the boys quarters or what we must have said to each other on the way. Maybe we walked in silence, holding hands but then again, maybe not. Maybe we talked about school, family, the business deals he was always chasing after but again, maybe we did not.
We spent the night together. It was beautiful.
Then at nine the next morning, Amara, my neighbour came to knock on my door, rousing me from sleep to tell me that Ibinabo was around and trying to find parking space that was as close as possible to the house.
I spoke to her through a crack in the door and turned to look at Chinedu. He was still asleep. i don't ever like to wake him. He looks peaceful in his sleep. We are both stark naked. Infront of him, I am not concerned about my stretchmarks or that i might not have an ironing board for a belly. He tells me I am beautiful. I like to hear that.
I wake him up. He smiles and reaches a hand for me to pull me to him. his eyes are sleepy but happy. I chuckle an smack his hands away.
"get up" I tell him, "Ibinabo is here."
chinedu's smile disappears and his eyes awake to a hardening.