Saturday, November 17, 2007

Memoirs of the V spot

Before you start, I will like to invite you to check this out. To the women, feel free to share your stories about that part of your anatomy that brings us joy, pain, confusion and comfort. And to the men, feel free to analyse that which your pursuit of defines your life's decisions.

Dear Sir and Ma,
By the time this letter reaches you, my wife and I will be on our way out of the country. To a place that I shall not tell anyone because we both need to get away for a while. She needs to get away and I am going to take her somewhere I know she will feel safe and try to be happy.
The intervention worked. After I spoke with Ma, I called the one other woman whose opinions I value and took her advice. I went home, took my wife into a room and locked us both in there; refusing to let neither her nor me out until we had figured out our problem. Or at least until I had found out if the problem was my fault or hers. It's not hers and it is not mine.
The past seven hours have been the most excruciatingly painful of my life. I had to ignore my wife's tears and pleading as I too wept and pleaded with her. What was the problem? It is not natural, what is going on; I told her. Something is wrong and I just have to know. How, I asked of her, do I tell the world that my wife of eight months will not allow me to touch her, freezes when I do to the point where the last time we tried being intimate, she blacked out. Something was wrong. I did not know what it was and I was angry that I had never seen it.
Maybe I should have been more suspect about how distant she was the first time I saw her. I took her silence and refusal to meet my gaze or shake my hand to mean that she was shy and reserved. I took her refusal to let me hold her in public to mean that she did not trust herself with me and decided to wait till our marriage to show her the physical side of our connection. I imagined that her near extreme lack of experience was because your upbringing of her had been strict. Her silences meant she was thoughtful. The trembling in her form when I held her equated for me, her suppressed desires.
`You don't know my confusion the first time we were together. I tried to ask her but I did not know how to because she looked so afraid that I too became afraid. I came to you Ma, because I felt as her confidante, you might be able to shed light on your own child...help me understand my wife. I realised I had married a child. Yes, she can cook any woman out of her home and shame disinfectant with her cleanliness.
That's another thing. The cleanliness. Anytime I came close to her, she would rise in the middle of the night to scrub herself so hard that there were red splotches on her neck and arms. I thought she was being clean but I later realised she was trying to get me off her. Why? Was I filthy? I too started bathing before coming to bed. There was no change to her reaction. I did not know what to do. She was not happy because I was not happy and I was not happy because she was not happy.
It was after our conversation that I realised that something terrible had gone wrong. In fact, I was almost sure what exactly it was. What I was horrified to find out was whom and for how long.
So, I am taking my woman away from here. Somewhere where together we can try to help her find her way from the nine year old she was before you Sir, came and destroyed her innocence. I did not come to you because if I had, I would not be on my way to a distant land but on my way to prison for having skewered you.
And as for you Ma, sitting back while the animal you call a husband defiles your daughter continuously. I was told that she had been a bubbly and lively child and that suddenly she stopped talking and when she resumed, it was in sporadic and short sentences. I guess she felt that no one would hear her screams or believe them.
She has begged me not to tell anyone. It's not something that I want to keep quiet because if you could hurt the flower of your own garden, what is to stop you from trampling on another man's. I have eyes watching you. I have ears listening to you. Every move you make, I will be there and when the time is right, I will come back and thank you for all you have done.
I don't know how long it will take. I, as her man, have to pay for your sins. I am just happy that I found this out. Imagine me in my stupidity, coming to both of you to please help me talk to your daughter. I can't imagine how much damage I have done. The good thing is that we have the rest of our lives to make it right for her and for us as well.
Don't bother to contact my family. My father knows. Remember he does not much like you. He must have sensed your pedigree when you met.
Thank you for at least giving birth to this incredible woman. This woman whose strength or beauty you cannot take and whose joys you will never know.
What ever is left of your days, spend it together. You deserve to.

Your Son-in law

30 comments:

Queen of My Castle said...

Wow Catwalq, I am speechless and my emotions are all over the place. I really have no words, very touching to say the least. Strangely, my parents dealt with this same issue because my maternal grandfather, whom I never met, he died before I was born, molested my mother as a child for many many years.

bumight said...

2nd!!!
This is very deep. good job!

jummy said...

Im honestly truly speechless angry and helpless

There are many girls out there that have been molested that appear to have moved on with life but they are facing deep psychological and physical issues here is one of the very many "worst case scenarios"

I dont know why but theres now a lot of openness about molestation and i believe God is allowing all these to come out so young people like us can be wary of the no good fathers husbands cousins brothers neighbours houseboys and all around us

Am not even going to pretend thati dunno that housegirls molest boys too

About 8 of 10 boys ive asked told me they were disvirgined by housegirls and auntys

We women have to try and shield our kids neices nephews and kids around us from these kind of people.encourage them to talk to us about anything at all so no one can put their lives to ransom

Hoping this will help reduce cases like this

we also realy need to pray 4 healing for ppl currently going through all these pain

I mean its ridiculous esp in nigeria that there are no strict laws for molesters

I mean any molester esp kid molesters are monsters and in my opinion should be treated like a murderer and locked up for the rest of their lives

Lighty said...

strong things happen in this life. haaa i dont know wot to say.

@Queen, wow! i thank God ur mum was able to pull through it all.

bhookey said...

wow ...deeeep!

Waffarian said...

I read this yesterday, did not leave a comment cos it really got to me. Now I am back, did not read it again cos I want to be able to leave a comment and still I am too upset to know what to say.

I think you should send this to a newspaper like a real letter. If it touched me so deeply, I am sure it would do the same to millions of people in Nigeria. Please send this in.

Well done catwalq, you don't surprise me anymore with your thoughtful words and feelings, just with the fact that you still manage to get me all shook up, even though I know you will.

Afrobabe said...

wow...I don't know how or why this things happen..How can a father feel desire for his own wife?

he deserves to be killed...

zerkhezi said...

Very sad but common story, we humans can be really sick sometimes. Death penalty for all rapists and child molesters.

bimbylads said...

how painful. just made me remember confused naija girl and what she went thru. its so sad:(..

this was, as always, well written,

Jinta said...

Deep, saddening, unfortunately, apparently a common occurence.

Anonymous said...

deep as usual,good work .keep it up.

UnNaked Soul said...

*sigh*

fantasy queen said...

so deep, so touching, so hearthbreaking!!!

N.I.M.M.O said...

Is it not interesting that the same organ that can bring so much pleasure can also give so much pain?

How do you spell pain?

A-B-U-S-E.

Nimmo

Zephi said...

as I read every sentence my heart was breaking..i felt pain..no no no..why why why would anyone still the innnocence of a child...well written catwalq..very touching

Rayo said...

hmm...and to think that there are millions of people in the world that can relate to this.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Queen of my castle: Would your mother be open to sharing her story as an inclusion to the V monologues. She could give us an insight into the strength it takes to transcend such a horrific betrayal and the ardous path to healing that she, your father and your family had to go through.

Bumight: thanks

Jummy: We have to become more vocal about our issues because as we strive for economic growth, we also have to make advancements in our socio-cultural and socio-moral practices

Lighty: all you have to say is that you will speak up against this type of disgusting and barbaric act

Bhookey: for the victims, horrible

Waffarian: Thank you for your description of my work. I am hoping that in some way that my writing on my blog can do some help here as well. i will indeed try and send this out there

Afrobabe: i think you mean, how can a father feel desire for his own DAUGHTER? the sickness of sexual pervasion is inexplicable

Zerkhezi: I agree

BimbyLads: i was thinking about her too and wondering if she would share her stories for the cause...and for those who imagine that they are alone in their pain

Jinta: yes, disgustingly true

anonymous: thank you

unnaked: *sigh* a deep and pained one

fantasy queen: indeed, heart breaking

Nimmo: sex has never been bad. it the abuse of it that is bad. the use of it as a tool of terror, defilement, enslavement and oppression that is disgusting and animalistic

Zephi: one would steal the innocence of a child because they in themselves are very selfish and only concerned by the compulsive self gratification

rayo: my sister, that is the alarming and terrifying fact...

Zena said...

this is horrible, and to think things like this happen every day, every day

Afrobabe said...

yes I meant his own daughter...see how horrible it sounds..even my fingers refused to type it...

Naapali said...

Catwalq: throwing my support behind your efforts. There are many things that hold us enslaved because we are too afraid to even mention or speak them. The first step towards freedom is naming the beast.

Atutupoyoyo said...

My luv a very sad if all too common story. I admire this initiative....off to do some catching up

Isi said...

sick world we live in. is this script going into V monologues?

Isi said...

hmm,that is why i don't like reading things like this. i've been totally depressed all day, and i dont know what to do to get out of it!

Allied said...

I shouldnt have read this.. OMG... This is going to be on my mind all day. God, How can people be like this and Live?

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Zena: horrifyingly, they do

Afrobabe: I know what you mean

Naapali: yes we have to name the beast and in some cases, kill it

Atutupoyoyo: welcome back. invite others to share

Isi: no it isn't because it is not my true story. if someone with a similar story were to share hers or his, then it would. that's why at the beginning, I asked that you visit the blog linked to the post because there are instructions for you to share your stories

Allied: but you should so you know that some people do. what do you think you can do about it?

gishungwa said...

Knowing that this still happens makes me both sad and angry. Bless God for good men such as the one is this story who doesn't condemn his woman but supports and is willing to help her heal. You are blessed with a great talent-a way with words.

Anonymous said...

Great writing Catwalq.

Ide

simplynuttie said...

@ Zerkhezi: Death penalty for all rapists and child molesters.
I agree with you.

Reminds me of a young girl who really hates her 7yr old daughter who happens to be the result of a rape by her friend's older brother.

~Sirius~ said...

People are just SICK!.....

Tisha said...

speechless

not because i don't know it happens
but because i thought i was the only one when i was growing up.

what can be done?
for others i mean?
so many others and many refuse to find God.
Men i can't stress myself...