Before you start, I will like to invite you to check this out. To the women, feel free to share your stories about that part of your anatomy that brings us joy, pain, confusion and comfort. And to the men, feel free to analyse that which your pursuit of defines your life's decisions.
Dear Sir and Ma,
By the time this letter reaches you, my wife and I will be on our way out of the country. To a place that I shall not tell anyone because we both need to get away for a while. She needs to get away and I am going to take her somewhere I know she will feel safe and try to be happy.
The intervention worked. After I spoke with Ma, I called the one other woman whose opinions I value and took her advice. I went home, took my wife into a room and locked us both in there; refusing to let neither her nor me out until we had figured out our problem. Or at least until I had found out if the problem was my fault or hers. It's not hers and it is not mine.
The past seven hours have been the most excruciatingly painful of my life. I had to ignore my wife's tears and pleading as I too wept and pleaded with her. What was the problem? It is not natural, what is going on; I told her. Something is wrong and I just have to know. How, I asked of her, do I tell the world that my wife of eight months will not allow me to touch her, freezes when I do to the point where the last time we tried being intimate, she blacked out. Something was wrong. I did not know what it was and I was angry that I had never seen it.
Maybe I should have been more suspect about how distant she was the first time I saw her. I took her silence and refusal to meet my gaze or shake my hand to mean that she was shy and reserved. I took her refusal to let me hold her in public to mean that she did not trust herself with me and decided to wait till our marriage to show her the physical side of our connection. I imagined that her near extreme lack of experience was because your upbringing of her had been strict. Her silences meant she was thoughtful. The trembling in her form when I held her equated for me, her suppressed desires.
`You don't know my confusion the first time we were together. I tried to ask her but I did not know how to because she looked so afraid that I too became afraid. I came to you Ma, because I felt as her confidante, you might be able to shed light on your own child...help me understand my wife. I realised I had married a child. Yes, she can cook any woman out of her home and shame disinfectant with her cleanliness.
That's another thing. The cleanliness. Anytime I came close to her, she would rise in the middle of the night to scrub herself so hard that there were red splotches on her neck and arms. I thought she was being clean but I later realised she was trying to get me off her. Why? Was I filthy? I too started bathing before coming to bed. There was no change to her reaction. I did not know what to do. She was not happy because I was not happy and I was not happy because she was not happy.
It was after our conversation that I realised that something terrible had gone wrong. In fact, I was almost sure what exactly it was. What I was horrified to find out was whom and for how long.
So, I am taking my woman away from here. Somewhere where together we can try to help her find her way from the nine year old she was before you Sir, came and destroyed her innocence. I did not come to you because if I had, I would not be on my way to a distant land but on my way to prison for having skewered you.
And as for you Ma, sitting back while the animal you call a husband defiles your daughter continuously. I was told that she had been a bubbly and lively child and that suddenly she stopped talking and when she resumed, it was in sporadic and short sentences. I guess she felt that no one would hear her screams or believe them.
She has begged me not to tell anyone. It's not something that I want to keep quiet because if you could hurt the flower of your own garden, what is to stop you from trampling on another man's. I have eyes watching you. I have ears listening to you. Every move you make, I will be there and when the time is right, I will come back and thank you for all you have done.
I don't know how long it will take. I, as her man, have to pay for your sins. I am just happy that I found this out. Imagine me in my stupidity, coming to both of you to please help me talk to your daughter. I can't imagine how much damage I have done. The good thing is that we have the rest of our lives to make it right for her and for us as well.
Don't bother to contact my family. My father knows. Remember he does not much like you. He must have sensed your pedigree when you met.
Thank you for at least giving birth to this incredible woman. This woman whose strength or beauty you cannot take and whose joys you will never know.
What ever is left of your days, spend it together. You deserve to.
Your Son-in law