An ode to Jenny...from Bimbylads book

Thanks to Bimbylads for the inspiration...

I am not angry.
I am numb.
I am not feeling anything.
I don't think I can or will ever more.
Why are you asking me to look at you?
What do you think I will see?
Other than the one who has taken my trust and brought me to my knees.
What is her name?
Why her?
What does she have that I don't?
Does her mind produce the words that you claimed seduced you so?
Or is it a lack of her ability to do that that you sought in the first place?
Does her skin rise at the sound of your voice like mine does?
Do her hips match the oscillation of yours in a fierce dance of desire?
Do her lips part to paint the night with sounds of pain that only pleasure can provide?
Does she make your whole being slam to a screaming halt?
Do her nails make the scratches that you so like to admire like badges of a night well spent?
What does she have?
What does she smell like?
Jasmine? Citrus? Silken sheets?
What does she taste like?
What does she have?
Does she drop all she is doing to rush home to bring you the report that you were reminded time and time again to take with you but inadvertently you forgot?
Does she spend time pouring through recipes to create dishes from places you have never been but you imagine that upon eating them you will go?
Does she hold you when the attacks come? When your own body works against you to deprive you the freedom of air?
Doe she hold you in the night when nightmares terrorize your dreams? And say not a word even though she knows you will never admit to the fears that plague your night?
Has she met your mother? That witch that was sent by the devils and trained by his demons to make my life a living hell?
Has she met that woman from whom I have hidden all your failures and up to whom you will never speak in my favour?
Has she met the woman who begrudges me her lack of a grandson when three beautiful princesses glorify our home?
Has she met your drunken brother whose filthy paws constantly grab at my breasts like they belong to him and whose alcoholism you defend and expose our children to?
Has she met your family members to whom you will not confess the true state of our finances but are quick to give them all their heart's desires while I have to sell off one inheritance after the other?
Has she met that good for nothing human waste, Kalu, you call a best friend? I am sure she has. He probably introduced the two of you.
What does she look like?
Who is she?
Is she as stupid as I for staying with you all this time? Praying each day that maybe the man I fell in love in will be the one to return to me from his hard day's work?
So, what do you plan to do with her?
Is she to replace me?
Why?
What have I done wrong?
What have I not given you?
My heart? I gave it to you. I don't think you remember what you did with it
My life? I don't know what it is without being miserable with you.
My body? It bears the scars of carrying your seed three times. Of receiving your seed a million times. Irrespective of if I was in the mood or not.
Why are you asking me to look at you when you are not answering my questions?
Why are you telling me this?
You did not tell me before you went to her. Before you thrust into her body that part of you, you used to say was mine.
Was it ever?
Why are you getting angry at my questions?
Do I look angry to you?
*laughs and shakes head*
Why are you looking like that?
Why are you holding your stomach?
What is wrong with you?
Oh, you better answer my questions.
Cos I am not getting up from here until you do.
And there is no way you will get to the hospital on time.
Why are you looking at me like that?
You thought I did not know what you were planning to tell me tonight?
Do I look stupid to you?
I guess I must cos I am amazed you did not know that I knew
Well dear, I always did.
Stop gasping like that...you will wake the kids.
Yeah, those chemicals will do that to you.
It's so funny how selfish you have become.
You don't even realise that we have not eaten together in years.
You don't even notice that I do not eat when you eat because you creep up in here at the most God-awful hours of the day.
Well, sweetie...you better start talking.
I am not sure how much longer you have.
You see, I am stupid.
I did not read the warnings on the label