Tuesday, October 16, 2007

CATWALQ ACADEMIE IV

(JSS3X STUDENTS UNDER PUNISHMENT ON THE ASSEMBLY GROUND)

30+: I don't know what I did to offend God but he really needs to forgive me immediately.

Princessa: My sister, my sister, my sister

Waffarian: Chei, how am i supposed to start going back to Warri this night?

Ugo D: Why are we always in trouble every day? Me I am tired o

Boorish: *laughing hysterically*

30+: What is this one problem now?

Waffarian: His own has not yet worn off

Ugo D: I am so fucking upset.

Jeremy Naija Blog: You can say that again...why are we out here and the others aren't?

Geisha: They are all in the sick bay. And senior Bimbylads said she is not releasing us unless we confess

Waffarian: If I had known, I for bin join them ehn. At least I would have enjoyed some part of this.

Jeremy: Look here, these knees were not built for this type of punishment. This is unjust! This is inhumane! This is....!

Boorish: Oyinbo, abeg quiet before I brush you. Don't explode my brain joo. *bursts into laughter*

Geisha: Hey God oooooo, what is all this?

30+: my mother is going to kill me

Princess: my mummy that told me that if I got into any more trouble she will shave my head

Ugo D: I think gorimapa is going to be quite in vogue for most of us

Geisha: se if it was only shaving of our heads that will be okay, we might get suspended.

Waffarian: If catch that useless Anonymous, I am going to rearrange her front teeth.

Ugo D: I think her fall down the stairs already beat you to it.

30+: Me, I am going to use grass to braid her hair

Boorish: *almost rolling on the floor* Please wait...I can't breathe. *pauses* wait, what are talking about?

Ugo D: Yo Boor, u might want to go drink some water or something...or be quiet.

Boor: (leaning over and putting his arm around Ugo's shoulder) I love you man.

Geisha: We are finished.


IN THE SICK BAY

Nurse Lighty: Eees you!!! Get down from that buglary proof now!!!

D.O.G: monkeeeeeeeee! Monkeeeeee!


Yosh: (singing) it's a beautiful daaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy

Toyintomato: Orobokibo....ki bo rocky. yeah men, yeah men. dat yeye woman. come and went and went and went

Atutupoyoyo: and went where?

Toyintomato: Hehn? wharrautalginhabout?

Atutupoyoyo: I didn't know you had a twin, what is she doing here?

Toyintomato: hehn?

AtutuP: There's two of you

Nurse Sparkle: Jisoz!!! Get up! Stop That! see this useless girl pissing on the floor

Overwhelmed: oops

Idemmili: Dude, look I have four boobs

Ubong Da: yeah

Idemmili: That's my arse silly

Ubong Da: Looks like boobs to me

Idemmili: Everything looks like boobs to me

Yosh: I like boobs. can I have yours?

Idemmili: No

Yosh: Why?

Idemmili: cos...cos...(pauses and thinks) cos I lost them

Ubong Da: yeah.... I miss them, they were nice

Toyintomato: Atutu, se you like me

Atutu: of course... I like all three of you

Toyintomato: Yes....ehn?

FineBoy: Kpakpa is a fine girl, eeyah eeyah oooooo

Kpakpando: (giggling)

Omodudu (lying very still)

LOOKING IN THROUGH THE WINDOW

Jaja: I don't know whether to laugh or cry

Solomonsydelle: We are in serious trouble. We can't go back to class or we will have to serve punishment. We can't go in, cos they will carry us with them

36 Inches...: What happened sef?

Jaja: I don't even know.

Solomonsydelle: It's that useless Anonymous o. She brought this drink to class and gave it to everyone to drink.

36 Inches...: and then? so is it now alcohol that is doing them like this?

Jaja: I have a feeling there was something else in that keg

36 Inches...: Haba!!! Keg ke? Where did she find it

Solomonsydelle: me, i know? That trouble maker. That's how she was spreading rumours that time and made people to be fighting

(Nwanyi Ocha, Taurean Minx Olawunmi appear)

Nwanyi: You!!!

Jaja/Solomonsydelle/36: Senior me?

Nwanyi: No, my twin sister....Msstssststhw!!! What happened?

Jaja: I...I...erm...

Olawunmi: Young man, choose your words wisely

Solomonsydelle: I think some of the class might have, probably, supposedly, kind of , in a way were sort of ...

Taurean Minx: Is the end of your sentence and the point the same thing?

Nwanyi Ocha: maybe if i slap all your three heads together, you will wake up and start talking

Olawunmi: Are you not in the same class as the Ghana-must-go dudes?

Taurean Minx: His name is Fine Boy....(Olawunmi raises his eyebrows)

Nwanyi Ocha: One more time, what happened? Kpakpando was involved?

36: I am not in the class...I was not there

Nwanyi: Then be silent!

Jaja: They got hold of some funny liquid and most of the class drank it

Olawunmi: How "funny" is funny?

Taurean Minx: I mean, someone bit Mrs. Somebody...

Olawunmi: Who was it?

Jaja: I believe it was Toyintomato.

36: Why? (realising)...am very sorry.

Jaja: Apparently, she felt that Mrs. Somebody was shouting at her husband too much so she jumped from her chair and bit the teacher.

Taurean Minx: (trying not to laugh) And who is this her husband?

Solomonsydelle: Atutupoyoyo.

Olawunmi: I am tired of this class. Everytime I am summoned by the proprietor, I have to come sort something you have done out. I think all the miscreants are in this class

Nwanyi Ocha: I am going to beat that stupid Kpakpa until she can't see straight. Now her mother is going to be shouting that I am not taking care of her daughter. How am I supposed to help it that her daughter is prone to mango tree climbing, Ghana-must-go shipments and alcohol consumption? You know she had to be chased down by two teachers? they caught her when she tried to climb the fence. She was so high she was just jumping in the air,she could not find the wall

Olawunmi: I have a bloody headache

IN THE SICKBAY

Nurse Lighty: Overwhelmed, sit still

Overwhelmed: There are seven continents in the world

Nurse Lighty: (sarcastically) No shit

Overwhelmed: Yes...and you have sweaty armpits

Nurse Lighty: (Thinking) I don't think anyone will suspect if I just give this girl pain killers

Fine Boy: Kpakpando, you are very pretty. I am just lawling, anytime i see you. Just lawling

Kpankpando: lawl, lawl, lawl

Omodudu: (lying very still) I think the fan is trying to run away

Yosh: I like fans. Can I have that one?

Idemmili: Do my boobs look like fans?

Ubong Da: yes...all three of them


So I will be out till Sunday. enjoy and please feel free to leave your comments

35 comments:

Truth Betold said...

lmao@four boobs
buhahahahaaaa 7 continents in the world.

Teediva said...

*sulking and pouting* i'm not there.

ibilola said...

u 2 funny! Don't know where u come up wit dis stuff. lol

30+ said...

LMAO, Oh my dayz

Catwalq are you sure you did not drink some of the liquid in the Keg before writing this one.

"Toyintomato bit Mrs Somebody"
"The fan is trying to run away"

LAWLING HERE BIG TIME

Iwo girl yi, o ti ya ti ara e, abeg don't kill me with laughter o

Mrs Somebody said...

Hmmm....Catwalq,I have two questions for you.
1)What kind of brain did you inherit?
2) Who did you inherit it from?
You my girl,are just a genius.
This......'Toyintomato: Hehn? wharrautalginhabout?
.................. was just too funny.

BiMbyLaDs** said...

lol great stuff.. had to read it twice to fully grab it.. really cool stuff.. i wonder what senior bimbylads will be up to soon.. loll...

Sparkle said...

LOL>..I always like d part u give to 30+ and Toyintomato....very funny...na so d Jeremy guy go dey blow grammar...na so so boobs full Ubong brain too...lol


good one

Lighty said...

oh my dayz!!! woman, u're hilarious. lawl lawl lawl! 3boobs and all? like 30+ said, u're sure u didnt drink from the keg b4
writing this?
lawl!

Nwanyi Ocha said...

OH MY LAWD!LOLOLOLOL

CATWALQ, WHAT WILL WE DO WITH YOU EHHH

FINEBOY: I AM JUST LAWLING....LOLOLOL GENIUS!

Baroque said...

hey, Ide oh...4 boobs?...& why didnt Lighy just start injecting them with something...& Yosh must really be a breast man...nice one Catwalq

princesa said...

Hmmm....interesting!
Now you even introduced anonymous. Talk about causing wahala...na their forte!

Oya do come complete am. We still dey for assembly ground!

bhookey said...

brilliant, ur imagination is wild mehn, great!

cally-waffybabe said...

lol. toyin tomato should have bitten that mrs somebody even harder! and like teediva, i'm also sulking and pouting for not being there. *still sulking*

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

APPLAUSE!!!!

Another good one! Thank you for keeping out of punishment! hahaha

As for the 3 boobs, na wa oh! That drink Anonymous served up must be some seriously strong stuff. All Omodudu could say was that the fan was trying to run away....

loL!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Big fight going on at unshined congo's blog.

Shaywun said...

hehehehe

badderchic said...

True true what kind of brain did you inherit? lovin it, lovin it...LOVE IT!

Supergirl said...

Youre a creative girl o. I did Q.C too, the ultimate "W" arm.

יש (Yosh) said...

lmfao! I do love boobies. Did I let that slip somewhere or you just guessed?

*kai, this profiling na wa o!

Interesting... and lmao @ d punishment group!

bumight said...

hey! didn't know you blog!!! You just became so kul, u don't know how much!!!

Arewa said...

Another entertaining and funny piece.. u've got talent!!

Atutupoyoyo said...

Well done again boo. You have dashed me Toyin Tomato as wife in this one sef. As long as you return to my bed when we finish school , no shakings. I always did have a thing for Principal Catwalq.

Mwah XX

Aijay said...

LMAO!! Catwalq, you're tew much.
Toyin tomato is my fave character. Luv her. Lol.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahhaahhaha! I do seem to always be going on about my boobs. And Ysh, hands off. Why do you want me to give them to you?

Great one Catwalq!

Ide.

Orientatednaijababe said...

where am i?? i am still searching for my name oh....*sulking*

diary of a G said...

ahh man Am missing all this

tiwalade said...

lol! that was so funny! very ingenious

cinnamonqueen said...

This is brilliant! Still laughing my head off...

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

truth be told: lol

Teediva: u r a junior. This is a senior class. No worries, u guys are about to feature soon

Ibilola: Thanks jare

30+: I might have sampled a bit of it...sssssh don't talk

Mrs Somebody: 1)A Catwalq-esque brain
II) I just lined up in heaven and got it. they only make one in a million years

BimbyLads: We shall see... the seniors are about up next

Sparkle: Of course. u know Ubong is the typical boobs

Nwanyi Ocha: lol

Lighty: lol

Isi said...

nice. :-)

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Baroque: That is what he told me...


Princessa: no vex o but e be like say una go dey there small small

Bhookey: Thanks jare

Cally-waffy babe: No fear now, time still dey. And as u don comot, wetin u want make I do?

Solomonsydelle: U r welcome. Men d drink was potent. i know. i was there.

Anonymous: Amebo...but I went and checked, what happened?

Shaywun: hahahahaha

Baddechic: My dear, i don't know

Supergirl: Boo to "W". "X" was the best

Yosh: My sweet. I know u like boobies

Bumight: u still have not told me who u r

Arewa: Thanks o

Atutu: I will always return but for now u have to make Toyin happy

Aijay: thank you. I too love her

Ide: Na u biko

Oriented: u're in senior class. ur own is coming

D.O.G: how can u say u're missing when u're hanging on the burglary proof

Tiwa: Thanks

Cinnamonqueen: Thanks . lol too

Isi: Thanks

Teediva said...

ok o madame. i dey wait sha. btw, nice post.

Afrobabe said...

hilarious....

TaureanMinx said...

You this gal, where do you come up with these stories lol!!!!

2ndCorin5:17 said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dis babe mehn!!! LMAO!!! WOW!!!
"The fan is running away"

lmao
lmao
LMAO
LMAO
LMAO
LMAO

WOW!! Do u smoke??? if u do, what do u smoke? LMAO!!!!!!

Mehn i have work due in a couple of hrs.... LMAO!!!