Friday, June 13, 2008

Blog Mongers I

Hano lives at 2, Fortworth Avenue. He lives in a three bedroom, two and a half bath, walk-out basement townhouse. He drives a Volkswagen Jetta. He leaves for work every morning at 7.00 am so that he can beat the beltway rush and make it to work for 8.30, after which he would spend the next thirty minutes setting up his desk, making scalding hot tea to jarr him awake and check on his internet affairs. This is one of his favourite times of the day. The time between 8.30 and 9.15 when the office is quiet and empty of his other colleagues.

This is the time he runs through his check list of blogs, reading and leaving comments. He has his favourites because almost every other day, they have a new post up with content as intriguing and as entertaining as the commentary that follow.

There's Shady Lady, a young Nigerian woman who blogs out of her base in New York and posts the most outrageous tales about her exploits with people she knows are dubious and shady. There is Tantalizers, a young Nigerian man who loves to cook and works in a bookstore. There is East Of Here, a Rwandan journalist who fled to France when the genocide began. There's Seffi Appiah, a Ghanian woman who always finds something amusing about her daily commute to the senior citizens' home where she works as a nurse. There's Lace And Ankara, a young Nigerian woman who imagines herself to be the next vogue in the making for her blog is filled with borrowed reports and commentary on the latest fashions from all over the world. There's Michael Butts, whose blog Hano does not understand but finds fascinating because of all the information pertaining to technology displayed and discussed there.

Hano reads blogs from contributors all over the world. He is familiar with the different cultural groups on the internet: the Africans, Asians, Europeans, Americans, South Americans and Australians. He loves them all. The ones that he pays most attention to are the Africans because their tales are so unique and highly indicative of where the social consciousness is.

For instance, there is no morning that he stops at Shady Lady's without seeing some offended Nigerian calling her out on her supposed activities. There was a time that Shady Lady indicated that someone had reported her to the authorities and they had investigated her using her URL. That had been an interesting time because Shady Lady had gone offline for three months. While she was gone, the comments on her blog reached almost three hundred as various theories were thrown about as to her wherabouts. She later surfaced with a post full of curses for whoever she believed was responsible.

He loves her blog. He loves what she writes. It always makes him laugh. Especially when she decides to take digs at other bloggers. Her post on one female blogger, Sitting On The Rock got more than fifty comments in its first hour. Sitting On The Rock always wrote about her plans to get married before the end of the year and each post was an outlet for her frustrations at her lack of success in finding a mate even though she had intensified her prayers, fasting and involvement in church. Shady Lady cleaned the floor with her and the ensuing online brawl lasted all of three weeks with bloggers taking sides and expressing their own views on the issue.

Hano had watched it all unfold and die down. Shady Lady, bored, had moved on to other issues. Sitting on the Rock had fled the blogging world. The drama was over. And it has been for a while so, Hano is a bit bored with what the posts he sees online in the mornings. No one is saying anything important and no one is pushing any new projects.

After scrolling through a few blogs, he moves to his email. He hits the "compose" button. He sends two emails.

The next morning he is tickled to see one of his favourite female bloggers, Express Lady give a spill all post on her relationship gone sour with another blogger, Aristocrat. He checks the blog hits and smiles.


Atutupoyoyo said...

I have a confession to make........... I am Shady Lady.

naijalines said...

Na war o. Didn't know so much drama went on in blogville. But then I'm still a baby here. Thanks for bringing this to our attention. 'So informative, yet cryptic. I guess those in Blogville at the time will know who the xters are. Wish I knew who they were. Is shady still in blogville? Who got chased out of blogville? That's really sad. Questions, questions...

naijalines said...

BTW, I don't see you round mine anymore. I miss you. Shay you know u were the very first person to make a comment on my blog. That connection is important to me o. Abi u dey vex? Wetin I do o?

You and that naughty Afrobabe. I go pull out my two grey hairs for una o, lol.

Anonymous said...

sitting on the rock huh?
i wonder....

Naapali said...

Atuts u sef!

Meanwhile Ms. Catwalq warrup with this cryptic post. First Ms. SolomonSyd with her wolves and lambs now you. Shey na tales from the crypt be dis?

Nwanyi Ocha said...

wow... things go down on blogsville.... for real?....

*no comment

Original Mgbeke said...

Ehnnnnn....? *Pops come popcorn*...I don dey create some lil theories hia o! Heheheheheheheh

Zena said...

There's no way I'll know if this is real or not,now I'm racking my brain tryna figure out wh oit is, if uch're so cryptic sometimes...scratch that, most of the time,

I'm going to read again

bumight said...


Kiibaati said...

So Hano is expresslady.

Atimes, I try to vissualize bloggers I read but have never met. Catwalq is probably Asha blogging undercover. Waffarian ia a male physics professor in Uniben. Atutu is a gifted preteen...

Ok, I give up.

mirage said...

men so much drama oh am shocked beyond words!

babe u shld visit my blog

guerreiranigeriana said...'re funny! you want the moor's info abi?...i don't know it o...i don't think he has a website...his name is elijah if you want to look him up...that bamboo bed was one i googled and found and liked...are you sure it was the 'bed' you were interested in?;)...anyway...let me go and read this post...

guerreiranigeriana said...

...hahahaha...*looks around and notices that no one else is laughing...laughing slows and eventually stops*...maybe i shouldn't laugh if its true...but it was kind of funny...this virtual reality thing is an interesting thing anyway...i do like the way you wrote this up, truth or not...


lol @ naapaali - tales from the crypt indeed! You are the greatest! hahahahaha


lol @ kiibaati

ablackjamesbond said...

Am i missing something? Is somethg going down i need to know abt?

Sherri said...

all this dramatics!
how u dey babe?

Anonymous said...

when i read the post didnt think u were refering to real bloggers!!thot it was a fictious account of a bloggers blog life...but with all the comments her i am like ok....

Waffarian said...

@kiibaati: Physics! heheheheheh abeg, no kill me for here!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Catwalq u r too much!
I can see how this post about drama has the potential to create drama!

Afrobabe said...

Heyyyyyyyy why wont someone gist me this story...plssssssssss I want to know whats going on....plsssssssssssss...I can guess at the characters but still not sure at all...dont even know where the dramma is taking place..

Baroque said...

LOL@kiibati, Catwalq, Asa ke? Catty cannot sing a note on key, come be to play guitar join! me, i think Ide is Chimamanda...anyway, Gnaija, i came smiling sha oh, very nice post, lovely story, almost sounds like my mornings at work...Afrobabe & Black007, are you guys getting caught in the drama too? listen to NDQ, its just a jist about drama, i dont think you're missing anything, this is Catwalq's blog, the girl too much, just read & enjoy

Ms. Catwalq said...

Atutu: r so silly

naijalines: this is fiction

Geisha: I wonder too

Naapali: My post is completely detached from Solo's. I am giving free reign to some of my inner musings

Nwanyi: you would be surprised...if we all knew

original mbeke: just read

zena: same as above

Kiibaati: lmao. And you are female.


mirage: i will stop by

g-nigeriana: i want that bed like you wouldn't believe. Please feel free to laugh. I am laughing at...sorry, with you...

solomonsydelle: yes he is.

ablackjamesbond: not that I know of...what have you heard?

sherri: i am good. and you?

pink satin: that is why you should not always pay attention to comments that preceede you. they can be misleading

waffy: You and physics? lol...don't kill me

ndq: it is fiction

afrobabe: it is fiction. don't read anything into it

Baroque: you will be surprised to know that I can hold a note and very well for that matter. Sadly, I am not Asa...could do with her bank balance (I am assumning) right about now

teediva said...

i can guess some of those people: callywaffy babe, desperate lady, DOG and Overwhelmed! am i right? should i say more names? lovely post btw, and i loved that other one too(forget the title now).

Afrobabe said...

hmmm teediva na u talk truth jare...imagine them asking me to read it like dramma...dramma my ass...

Charizard said...

Darn I don scratch ma head with ma scalp comot...

isha said...

interesting... lol @ the preteen.

Anonymous said...

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