Friday, June 06, 2008

I don't particularly like children. Growing up and envisioning my future, I could see a career, the possibility of a husband but I never could envision some little things running around complaining of hunger or each other. I don't have the patience or the interest to indulge them. But I do not see why one should deny them their childhood either. I had mine. They deserve theirs.

I sometimes feel the emphasis that Nigerian women put on children is not necessarily because they are so loved but because of what motherhood represents and affords the woman. As a "child bearing" woman, she-the mother that is- is certified as "fully functional" and she secures her position in her marital home. And we all know what "marriage" is to the Nigerian woman.

I know that mothers do love their children. My mother would give me her heart right now without batting an eyelid and she would do the same for my brother; so, I am not saying that a there is a lack of love and affection. I am just saying that I feel that some of the ways we define motherhood is not something I aspire to be a part of.

If and when I decide to become selfless and revolve around someone else, I plan to adopt. I cannot understand how when God has created a balance between women seeking children and children seeking mothers, we still have so many children living in deplorable conditions in orphanages. Or women being put through hell because of "their" inability to produce children? Why would I subject myself to midnight sojourns to the riverside and eating odd delicacies like fried tortoises under the moon when I can simply walk into one of such homes and pick one child to give my whole life to?

Some argue that "There is nothing like your own blood. What if the child asks for his/her mother in the future?" Then by all means, let us get a private detective and seek her out; provided she has indicated that she wishes to be found. I am of the mindset that if all I can do is love that child and give the child even half the childhood experience my parents provided me, then I have done a good thing. Imagining that because you nearly ripped apart your insides pushing forth someone into this world is a guarantee that they will love and respect you says to me that your definition of what it is to be a mother is askewed.

I think children ought to be nurtured, cherished, celebrated, disciplined, educated and learned from. It is a huge responsibility to be given the task to help shape the destiny and mindset of another human being. It takes patience, selflessness and a great deal of creativity. Love is secondary. I love kids, I just don't like them.

21 comments:

ibilola said...

Hey ya,
need to read again. In d meantime...inquiring mind wants 2 know...what do u mean by 'Love is secondary'??? It's probably obvious but i can't wrap my brain round it yet.
So sista me, pls flesh out that statement for me.

tanks a bunch

bumight said...

hmnn this is so deep

Imagining that because you nearly ripped apart your insides pushing forth someone into this world is a guarantee that they will love and respect you

that is a very true statement. It is quite delightful that people are willing to adopt nowadays.

so should we be expecting little kittens walqing around anytime soon?

Mrs Somebody said...

It's really not as hard as you think/feel.
Having kids could be very fulfilling.You might need to put in a little extra effort to make them love and respect you.
Not to worry, Catwalq's kittens will love and respect their momma.

Sting said...

You love kids, but u just don't like them. Makes no sense to me at all.

I'm all for adoption. I totally agree that there are tons of kids out there in search of loving homes. I plan to adopt too when the time is right.

guerreiranigeriana said...

...insightful piece...my youngest sis used to (i am not sure if she still carries this notion) be of the same mind...that she would just adopt...it is definitely a good idea, with so many children running around looking for a loving home...i want three of my own...as i get older (you know the body doesn't bounce back as quickly or as well when you get older...i know...a little vain...just being honest...), 'own' may take on new meaning...beautiful piece...how are you these days?...

Waffarian said...

Hheheheheh, how is it going?
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

rohit said...

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

how are you

i hope you enjoy every minute of your beautiful life.

you are fantastic!!!

a kiss for you, my dear friend!

god bless u dear

can we exchange our link

r u ready to do?

bye
take care
god bless you dear

Parakeet said...

Well well, you're full of wisdom here especially in this quote "if and when I decide to become selfless and revolve around someone else, I plan to adopt. I cannot understand how when God has created a balance between women seeking children and children seeking mothers, we still have so many children living in deplorable conditions in orphanages".

I guess its different strokes for different folks and whatever choice one makes, it should be celebrated.

Pink-satin said...

hmmm

ibiluv said...

u love them......
but dont like them....
what if u have them
i rear them for u
and return them to you when the little buggers are terrible teenagers?????

d idea of adopting still shows u have love to give
it does take more from a person to love another person's kid

so thumbs up on adopting..........

Charizard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Olamild said...

hmmmmmmmmm

AlooFar said...

Adopt please!

Atutupoyoyo said...

I can finally view your page! Yipee. All I had to do was ditch Explorer and get Firefox. That Explorer is sha useless.

You no like pikin abi? There goes my hopes of making you the second Mrs Poyoyo. Reconsider now.........

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL @ Atutu

Motherhood is truly a joy. You were spot on to state that children are to be learned from, for they truly are. Viewing the world through the untainted eyes of a babe is truly amazing.

I commend and respect you for opting to adopt.

Allied said...

Aunty Catwalq,

Please adopt me....


But I hear you oh... I also plan to adopt but I would love to experience the joy of motherhood

Anonymous said...

i always thout i was odd...but after reading this...i guess im not!
I dont like kids, i dont babysit....i often wonder if i'll be a good mother....Im not even considering adopting...
I only want 1 kid...at the most 2...Im very vain....im so worried abt my figure....I have already concluded that I MUST have a ceasarian and they could quickly do a tummy tuck..once they get the baby out....Im willing to breastfeed...but I will get my boobs done once im done having kids...

Rayo said...

Amen for adoption! I can't stand it when women decide to bring children into this world simply because they feel like they have to appease someone else's demands.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Ibilola: love is secondary. it does not necessarily make you a good mother. Many people make bad decisions as mothers because they misinterprete their intentions as ideas based in love

Bumight:nope, no kittens any time soon.

Mrs Somebody: I agree with you, I also feel that we as women are made to feel like we ought to aspire to become mothers for the very wrong reasons...

Sting: I love children because they are beautiful. I don't always want to be around them because they are annoying

gnigeriana: I am good. I am an advocate for adoption. Not so much so for logging an intended human being around inside of me...I am not that sentimental

Waffy: You!

Rohit: And all the same to you. Feel free to visit any time you wish

parakeet:true

pink satin: hmmmn

ibiluv: if I decide to plunge into motherhood, those buggers are all mine. The boys are going to KC and the girls to QC and i am going to pick out all their careers and boss them around for life. I am just giddy thinking of all the oppression I am going to exhibit

Charizard: thanks

olamild: hmnnn

aloofar: i will

atutu: yeye man. U want to make me wife number II? e be like say you wan grow bear-bear. I go beat you, beat the first wife join. nonsense!!!

Q.O.C: well, I have women like you to emulate whenit comes to inspiration on how to become a mother

Allied: There will have to be some rules changing if you are going to live in my house. For one....

anonymous: you are not alone...

Rayo: my sistah, u talk am....

Afolabi said...

The first time I heard a Naija girl bravely say she didn't want or like any kids was in high school, and you can imagine the uproar from my classmates. I was surprised, in fact impressed at her standing her ground. And mehn, that's the same feeling I have right now for you (hope this doesn't sound wrong!!)

Anonymous said...

Hi i must applaud you for being true to what you feel. I actually love kids and am looking forward to having at least 1 of my own and adopting 1 more. I do find the plight of orphaned children deplorable as well. I personally don't understand why women who cannot have children and want them don't adopt and instead spend their lives feeling unfufilled and less than a woman. To those of the nothing like your blood school of thought- I find that there are children in my life right now I love very strongly and can imagine if I were to adopt there would be a mother-child bond there. One statement in your piece worries me though. Where does it say and whoever said God created a balance in women wanting children and children wanting mothers... I don't understand the premiss of that statement