1. WAFFARIAN X 19
2. IDEMMILLI X 15
3. TOYINTOMATO X 12
4. OMODUDU X 5
5. YOSH X 10
6. FINE BOY X 35
7. UBONG DA X 18
8. ATUTUPOYOYO X 28
9. DIARY OF A G X 16 + BREAK DANCING IN CLASS
10. OVERWHELMED X 25
12. JAJA X 12
13. GEISHA X 2
14. BOORISH (LISTENING TO MUSIC OUT LOUD)
15. EXSCHOOL NERD X 1
Jeremy Naija blog: I really need to go home. My driver has been here for over an hour.
30+: hmn, i think you want to ride the ambulance home. They are waiting for you outside.
Jeremy: why is everyone so mad at me? did i lie when I said they were making noise. they were...or did you not notice.
Princessa: all that one na yarns men.
Jeremy: I beg your pardon
30+: hei, chineke they will brush dis oyinbo boy today o
Jeremy: I have done nothing wrong.
Princess: didn't anyone explain to you exactly how writing-names-of-noise-makers goes?
Jeremy: Mrs. Somebody told me to write the names of anyone who makes a sound and subsequently add a mark every time after that.
30+: u are only supposed to warn them. You are not really supposed to give the teacher their names.
Jeremy: I am supposed to lie? Then where is the integrity in being the noise captain?
Princessa (bursts into laughter): sobquo, intagreetie, dis is going to be funny men. Toyintomato have break a branch and she said she will use it and kola si e loju
Jeremy: i never quite follow you, Princessa.
30+: she just means that Toyintomato is waiting for you outside with a stick. She intends to make marks on your face with it.
.Jeremy: My God, why has everyone gone crazy? I only did as I was asked. why is everyone on my case.
30+: I feel you. well, the boys were handed over to the seniors for punishment and Mrs. Somebody took the girls.
Princessa: and you know the seniors don't like us.
Jeremy: They don't...? Wha...
Toyintomato: ehen! dis ez whia u a hydeeng? Hmn, Jehrehmee, what did i does u, ehn, what did I does you? Dat u came and went and gave my name to Mrs. Somebodee?
Waffarian: Broda from obodo, na here u dey. we know know now. we dey find you.
(The class fills up with the girls)
Solomonsydelle: Jeremy, u wrote my name on the noisemakers list? when was I making noise?
Jeremy: if you all calm down, I can tell you exactly when you made my list.
Toyintomato: make your list. Hy did not make your list o. was heet not u dat write it yoursef?
30+: u guys please calm down. U guys will get in more trouble o
Idemmili: 30+, 30+, i know say ur eyes no go see road after oyinbo man don look your side.
30+: Idemmili, please watch yourself o.
Ex School: abeg, make I hear word. Ngbo, Jeremy, you were writing names today and of all the people you could see to name, you put mine.
Toyintomato: leave him o, atoole osi.
Solomonsydelle: u and who are lady-ing? abi u think u are still in london abi it even paris sef?
Idemmilli: don't mind this scotland boy.
Jeremy: I am from England
Toyintomato: hand then?
Waffarian: your return can be arranged cos I need to repay you generously for the opportunity you presented me with having to clean the toilets.
Toyintomato: Hand Hy ad to go clia the deesgozteen keecheen gottas.
Exschool: can you imagine?
Jeremy: I am sorry you had to experience that but you must admit you girls were making noise. I mean, Waffarian, you were roaring loud in Pidgin English about whatever it was you were talking about and when I looked at you in warning, you waved at me.
Waffarian: Make I no greet you again? see me see trouble o
Jeremy: and u Idemmilli, am not even sure what "heaving bosoms and pulsating members" are but you and Ubong Da sure do
Solomonsydelle: when was I making noise Jeremy? you have still not answered my question.
Jeremy: I am surprised you don't remember with you and Jaja nearly coming to blows.
Solomonsydelle: so defending myself is now noise making
Ex School: oya prepare to defend yourself cos you are about to make some noise
Idemmili: and I guarantee you it will not involve heaving bosoms.
30+: u guys match your brakes o, match your brakes
Jeremy: what is all this?
(Overwhelmed and Geisha walk in laughing, encounter the situation and freeze)
Geisha: chineke me, what is going on here
Overwhelmed: gen gen, what is popping
Toyintomato: whia hare you comeeng frohm?
Overwhelmed: from Back Gate.
Geisha: went to get Suya, what is going on?
Jeremy: no, I am being accosted by them cos their names were on the noise makers list.
Geisha: their names were on the list or you put their names on the list.
Overwhelmed: come to think of it, I should be vexed with you.
idemmili: come to think of it, you should, where are you coming from?
Geisha: u know Alhjaji Blogger Generalwants to marry Overwhelmed. He organised her all this suya. U should see. (both girls open their bags)
Toyintomato: Jisoz!!! did hall the sheekens heen the town die?
Waffarian: o baby, dis jollification is not going to be a solo effort.
Overwhelmed: haba, u should know me now, if i wanted to solo it, I would not have come to class.
(they deposit the bag on Jeremy's desk and everyone begins to dig in)
Ex School: 30+ you won't eat? See princessa has jaboed you. Jeremy, u won't eat?
Jeremy: (slightly bewildered) no thank you. I am going home.
(the boys walk in)
Fine Boy: JEREMY NAIJA BLOG!!!! MY GUY!!!
Jeremy: Oh lord, not again.
Jaja (singing): white man
bring a little white rope for the white man
Ubong Da: Idemmili, freeze, thou shalt not indulge in the sins of the stomach alone.
Yosh :what are you still doing here?
D.O.G: mhmmmm, i smell spicy suya.
Omodudu: please tell me that Overwhelmed has got the hook up again.
Overwhelmed: u're damn right.
Omodudu: I am going to marry this chick. yeee
Atutupoyoyo: Jeremy, odaran, u are still here. U wrote my name. Awww, o boy why now.
Princessa: u guys nearly missed, the girls were going to brush him
30+: girl, your mouth will not koba u o. what are you playing at?
Jaja: eh, dibs on front row seating men. I am on Ugo's desk.
Yosh:I am going to assume, you are going to tell me how I got on your list.
Jeremy: (standing up) you know what, since none of you want to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, you were indeed making noise, then you can go ahead and brush, sweep, broom me...whatever the case may be. Just get it all over in five minutes. The driver has been waiting for me and I am possibly holding him up from picking up my dad from work.
Toyintomato: Liva koo, kidney ni. e rush e joo
Yosh: TT girl, pleasecalm down and pass me that breast.
Toyinyomato: eh Jisoz!
Yosh: chicken breast, that big piece there.
Jeremy: then it is settled, bye, thanks 30+ for everything. will see you tomorrow.
Fine Boy: o boy where are you going to? u have to sample this suya.
Jeremy: no thanks.
Yosh and Ubong Da: TAKE IT!!!!
Jeremy (assessing the situation, accepts a piece of meat) Thank you.
Toyintomato: u berra heat it veghy well. Heat eet hand swallow heet properly.
Jaja: oya e don do, next time, you will not be selling sweet and biscuit in class
(everyone bursts into laughter)
Yosh: yeah, cos it was when we were talking that my name got put down.
Jaja: solomonsydelle, solomonsydelle. i see u. i see u. soffry massacre that meat now. the thing is already dead.
Solomonsydelle: u people, I will bite this boy o.
Fine Boy: people, people, people; please allow me to enjoy this suya in peace and tranquility
Ubong Da: and the randiness of your thoughts
Idemmili: which one is doing him sef?
Jaja: Me thinks our boy is sprung
Jeremy: hun? (everyone looks at him)...sorry...ignore me
Fine Boy: no, no, no people, allow the guy and by the way Jeremy that meat is not going to eat itself. don't waste Alhaji Blogger General's finest.
Yosh (to Overwhelmed): does that guy know that you are not even yet fifteen?
Atutupoyoyo: wetin "consign" the man? for kano she for don born like four junior Blogger Generals wey go help their papa dey chase the chicken around.
Toyintomato (laughing with everyone): four, haaaa, mohdarah! killer!
Waffarian: so fine boy, why r u so happy?
Fine Boy: Waffy, my sister, I believe I am in love.
Waffy and Solomonsydelle: u believe...
Yosh: when Kpakpando catches you
Ubong Da: it will be nothing like what he will suffer when Baba Alaye get's his hands on him
Ex School Nerd: ye, fine Boy, please don't tell me...
Jeremy, 30+, : What?
D.O.G: He is talking about Taurean Minx.