Friday, September 28, 2007

E wa jeun o......

I have no classes today. So I got up very late and made myself some yams and fish stew.

Then I am going to watch........
*Sigh* the weekend has begun and I am already tired. Have so much work to do, it's alarming.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Trying to hold my head above water...

I just saw Raise The Red Lantern. Zhang Yimou has my heart and imagination in the palm of his hand and he does not even know it. Film for me is therapy and torment. There is nothing more consuming for me to immerse myself in the characters I watch and connect with and nothing more dousing than to have the credits roll and have to climb back out into the reality of my life.

Since I was a child, I lived in scenes. It can be a blessing and a burden when you have an overactive imagination. You are quick to believe and quick to hurt. Because there is nothing more distabilising than opening your eyes from a scene that your thoughts and senses have created in your mind to a reality that is so far removed from where you are coming.

Imagination is extremely hard to share. Especially when you live in a society such as a Nigerian one where, most people have lost that ability since childhood all in the quest for survival. Depression is not too distant from the creative mind. It is simply because no one but you can see what you see, can feel what you feel.

I sometimes sit in panicked solitude wondering if these characters I create, these ambitions I strive for and these words that only I hear will never manifest beyond the realms of my mind. What will I do if I cannot become what I want to become? Will I accept the simple gift of my imagination or will I wonder in anguish why my maker would choose to torment me with the possibilities that are not mine to have?

I love my life...or rather, I am greatful for it. What I have, where I've been and whom I've known; some would kill for the chance. Still I could/can be and have more. It is the dream of "more" that drives me each day. The knowledge that I can create my own happiness and be more than just a numbered record of a birth and death when the time comes.

I don't need accolades. I just want to be able to face Him when I am done and say "Sir, with the gifts you gave me and with the opportunities for love and service you placed before me, these are the things I did in your name."

But when the things that I want to do elude me and I have built a relationship with Him that works in the way that only the things that are mine to have come my way, how do I keep going?

This is why people should not stay up for three days straight and try to blog. You start talking some dumb assed shit, imagining yourself to be reflective. If your child tells you she/he wants to be an architect/blogger/designer/writer, have them email me....

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

SOC (SAVE OUR CATWALQ)...make I no carry F9 o

Who can help me get pictures and/or the master plan of any one of the following UNIs?
I need pics of the senate house (where the VC stays/ main admin), the front gate and student union....

3. OAU
4. UI


If not, keep on reading... Academie is below

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Catwalq Academie III

8.00 am
Unnaked: (knocks)
Omodudu: come in
Unnaked: Excuse me senior, please I am looking for Senior Fineboy.
Omodudu: Fine Boy!!!
Fine Boy: Mmn-hmn?
Omodudu: Person dey fyne u
Fine Boy: Yes?
Unnaked: Excuse me senior...
FineBoy: Yes?
Unnaked: Senior Baba Alaye said I should call you.
Fine Boy: Say what?
Unnaked:I said Seni...
FineBoy: I heard you. What does he want?
Unnaked: I did not ask him senior.
FineBoy: Where is he?
Unnaked: At the back of Senior Rec
FineBoy: okay, go and tell him you did not see me in class but that you left a message.
Unnaked: But...but
FineBoy: Are you deaf?
Unnaked: No senior
FineBoy: now get out.
Unnaked: yes senior. thank you senior.
(Unnaked exits hurriedly)
Omodudu: what was that all about?
FineBoy: I am finished!
Omodudu: Why, what happened?
FineBoy: The fada wants me
Omodudu: uh, u mean Baba Alaye?
FineBoy: (looks at him in an are-u-serious? way) who else?
Omodudu: dang, what are u going to do?
FineBoy: Omo, I have been posting the guy since yesterday. he has been looking for me.
Omodudu: Please don't tell me, it's what I think it is...
FineBoy: Please don't lecture me
Omodudu: Did we not warn you about Taurean Minx. By the way, it is Senior Taurean Minx. Why don't you ever know your levels?
FineBoy: abeg, make I hear word.
Omodudu:so what are you going to do now
FineBoy: well, as long as I can help it, he won't be seeing me.
Omodudu: I think say u be bad guy? Why u no go show am say you get liver? after all, no be u talk say e no fit do u anything for this campus
FineBoy: u know what? watch me walk away
Omodudu: And go where? U think he does not know u are here? This is going to be interesting.

12.00 noon
Yosh: My Guy, why are u sitting on the floor
Waffarian: no mind am. what is that u are eating. he is hiding from Baba Alaye
FineBoy: Waffy, I am not in the mood. Don't annoy me
9ja Opeke: how u no go get mouth for woman? u no fit follow the person wey dey disturb you hala, u con dey here, dey make noise
Toyintomato: Hy steel ave spyzee steek meat? FineBoy, why hare u hon d floor?
Yosh: Apparently Baba Alaye is looking for him
Toyintomato: O ti o
Atutupoyoyo: Iyawo, where is my stick meat now?
Toyintomato: Hah!!! the owner hof the money hon my head. Hy ham comeeng o
Atutupoyo: oya o. Haba, my guy, are you still here? What are you going to tell Mrs Somebody when she comes into class and sees you sitting there? How long are you going to be on the floor.
9ja Opeke: Abeg, leave him o. me I want to see how this one will end. Baba Alaye has been sending juniors here every thirty minutes to call him.
Waffarian: And it is no coincidence that so many seniors have been passing round here. The gist has spread that Baba Alaye is out for this guy
Omodudu: (Arriving) I guess Fine Boy is about to be unfine.
Yosh: wetin dey do u sef?
9ja Opeke: dis one na original thriller. I wan die. Yosh, wetin dey your hand
Yosh: guguru, u want some?
Jaja:(arriving) make u no break your neck as you dey eye im food
9ja Opeke: Solomonsydelle!!! Come carry your husband before I wound am o
Solomonsydelle: (from the other side of class) Go0d forbid o. Opeke mind yasef o
Teediva: (knocks)
Omodudu: wait let me are looking for someone.
Teediva: Yes senior...Senior Fine...
Omodudu: Fine Boy is indisposed.
Teediva: ????
Omodudu: Go and tell senior Baba Alaye that he is not around
Teediva: No, I was sent by Senior Taurean Minx. She asked him to come
FineBoy: really?
Yosh: heeeeyy, see your life. Na woman go kill you.
Teediva: Senior FineBoy?
Waffarian: look, junior girl did u not hear him say Fine Boy is not here?
Teediva: But he...?
9ja Opeke: u wan make I slap you, make your brain recharge?
Teediva: shakes head)
Waffarian: Oya marchalout, one time before I open my eye
(Teediva flees)
Jaja: u girls are so cruel to one another. You could have delayed her here a bit
9ja Opeke: so u can be panting here like alsatian? abeg dress comot. Solomonsydelle...!!!
Solomonsydelle: If u say it, Opeke, we will fight today
9ja Opeke: yeye girl, why are u fronting. we all know...
Jaja: me, I am not there. u know she will brush you
Omodudu: heesh! we have a situation here. as u can see they are resorting to using Taurean Minx's name to catch him
Waffarian: and as he cannot live without woman, they will. See how he nearly followed that girl out of here. Oh boy, u dey craze?
FineBoy: (cradling his head) I don't even know how it is doing me now. I think I am running a temperature
9ja Opeke: mumu.

7.30 pm
9ja Opeke: we are finished is over. men
Waffarian: yeeee, my mother is going to kill me. expulsion. chei my life. Kpakpando, why? why?
Kpakpando: (looking on in stony silence)
Yosh: As I am looking at you now, u need to be glad I was raised not to hit a woman cos u deserve serious brushing
Overwhelmed: Please somebody, tell me what is going on? Men, how did I miss all the gist
Jaja: Kpakpando, I fear u o
Overwhelmed: Kpakpando, what did u do?
Solomonsydelle: this is simply unacceptable
Overwhelmed: who do I have to screw to find out what is going on here?
Yosh: Trust me overwhelmed, u don't want to know
Overwhelmed: but I do... father, lord. please somebody tell me.
(Omodudu and Ugo Daniel walk in)
Waffarian: how far?
Omodudu: (shakes his head)
Ugo D: we might have to go report to Mr. Laspapi. but guys, what were you thinking?
(Exschoolnerd walks in)
ExScNd: Kpakpando, u better hide cos if I set my eyes on you today, it will not be funny
Ugo D: calm down calm down
Kpakpando: (says not a word)
Jaja: this girl, u are on another level of spooky.
ExScNd: did u even think about all the things that could happen? did u think about anyone but yourself? U are special o
9ja Opeke: see how she is even looking like mumu
Kpakpando: watch it! don't think because I am silent...
Yosh: u better leave her alone before she has u shipped off to Ivory Coast
Omodudu: As it is, hasn't she already?
Overwhelmed: Okay, this is too much. Please! Please !! PLEASE!!!! Someone tell me what is going on
9ja Opeke: stop shouting. it is prep time
Ugo D: They tried to smuggle Fine Boy home in a ghana-must-go
Overwhelmed: Say what?!
Yosh: I thought we scrapped that idea in favour of the sick exeat that ExScNerd, ehm...procured.
Waffarian: We had to find a way to get him out of class and to the gate.
9ja Opeke: so we asked Baba Willy to carry the bag
Overwhelmed: Baba Willy, the gateman?
Solomonsydelle: we told him to keep the bag and we will come back and tell him which car to take the bag to.
Overwhelmed: please tell me this is a story. Fineboy was in the bag the whole time?
Yosh: Desperate times call for desperate measures
Overwhelmed: and what happened? how does Kpakpando factor into all this?
Waffarian: she went and told Baba Willy which car to put the ghana-must-go in
Overwhelmed: and?
9ja Opeke: she was never in on the was she to know
Jaja: u know, I always fear quiet women. See how she is not speaking. She will just be watching and waiting. She had been waiting and waiting while FineBoy was using her to play ball and chasing after this female and that female
Waffarian: Kpakpando, love is not by force o
9ja Opeke: I guess even Fineboy crossed the line sef. How could he ask Kpankpando to go deliver the gifts to TaureanMinx.
Overwhelmed: Jisoz!!! Where have I been?
Jaja: me , I don't know
Solomonsydelle: u know Senior Nwanyi Ocha is her school mother and she is in the same class as Taurean Minx
Overwhelmed: so where is Fineboy
Ugo D: on the bread truck...
Yosh: possibly on his way to Ibadan or something
Overwhelmed: YEEEEE!!!!
Omodudu: exactly
Waffarian: the worst part is that, no matter what, he will be discovered and brought back and of course that will create questions
Yosh: Cos there was no way the he could have carried himself in a ghana must go onto the truck
Omodudu: And Baba Willy said, the truck driver saw him load the truck but as usual assumed it was part of the returns
Overwhelmed: girl, how did u get Baba Willy to do it?
Kpakpando (with a wide smile) I gave him Willy Juice
(the entire group is silent)
ExScNd: U know what, I think I just wet myself. That was the scariest sight.
Jaja: is she smiling?
Yosh: I believe so. I think we might have a "case" on our hands.
Kpakpando: why are you all acting so silly? Nothing will happen to him
Ugo D: (voice struggling to be civil) U think so. U get a drunk security guard to put your classmate who is in a ghana-must-go on a bread truck...
ExScNd: How are we even sure it was the bread truck
Solomonsydelle: please don't scare me
Kpakpando: (chuckling) he will be fine. Someone has gone to get him
Waffarian: Girl, I am never speaking to you again. You did what?
Kpakpando: I got someone to go after him
9ja Opeke: and I love this school so much. so na like dis expulsion dey happen? I dey return go Abakaliki grammar school
Yosh: Kpakpando....
Jaja: this nightmare will never end
Kpakpando: (rising to her feet abruptly and startling the group. They move back slightly) SHUT UP! EVERYONE SHUT UP! I have done nothing wrong. Just thought to have a little fun like he has been having with me all semester
Waffarian: is this all because he did not jah u face?
Kpakpando: I am over that. He thought he had a mugu abi, and all of u were always there to give him hype like toying with someone's emotions is fun...
Yosh: but what you have done is putting his life in danger and ours as well.
Ugo D: what will u say if something happens to him?
Kpakpando: like I said, nothing will
ExScNd: (in a whisper) please explain
Kpakpando: who can get out of the gates and back in and has access to a car?
Omodudu: Forgive me, if I cannot do riddles right now
Solomonsydelle: or I for that matter
Yosh: same here
Kpakpando: let's just say his ride back to school should be interesting

Somewhere in a car....
Olawunmi: Are you okay? Are you comfortable?
FineBoy: y...y....yes senior
Olawunmi: I am sure you are wondering why the head boy will come after you Olawunmi
Olawunmi: You know, since we are out, why don't we make this an experience you won't forget. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. How many of your friends can say that they bailed out with two seniors, one of whom was the head boy. ehn?
Olawunmi: Breathe...I am amazed you stayed in that bag so quietly. You are probably hungry. We will stop at a joint and you can enjoy some correct peppersoup. Tomorrow, we will discuss your punishment but tonight, u can relax. U are already in trouble so just ride the wave. Abi, my guy, what do we say we show our little man here a good time?
Baba Alaye: Sounds like a spectacular idea!!!/

Thursday, September 06, 2007

A good housewife, I will not make because....

1. I am not after five years in architecture school, 1-2 years in Grad School,3-5 years struggling for my license, and all the ensuing shenanigans going to pack up and stay at home and be cleaning a house and chasing bomboy. I am lazy/ crazy but not that lazy/ crazy.

2. For my sanity and that of my children, I believe it is imperative for both of us to take some time away from each other. Hence, beautiful inventions like my practice and their schools and if they are just too much, then boarding house.

3. What is the point? If a man is going to leave me, he is going to leave me. Giving up my life is no guarantee he will stay and pursuing my dreams is no indication either. But in the event, it happens, I need to have something to take my mind off the idea of going after him with the maiguard's shakabula. I will just go to work.

4. I need to wear a skirt suit from time to time. Who will admire my fine yansh at home. Bomboy and Lil'Cat will be too busy drooling or watching...sponge bob?

5. My mouth is too big. I don't know (m)any men that really value the role of a stay-at-home mother. So, they come home, they feel you have been doing nothing all day. "Catwalq, where is my food?" And I will say, "I don't know. Where did you put it?"

6. The role does not run in my family. I come from a long line of opinionated, working women.

7. That is a one way ticket to being absorbed with insignificant issues; like the thread count on your sheets.

8. I need to have my own account that has money coming in from a place he does not know. I am sorry, maybe it's watching too many Nigerian films or just simply being Nigerian but the only Joint account I am keeping is for school fees, rent, household expenses and bills. That way, one day if he shows up with one secondary school girl and says he wants to marry her, I can say "No, problem. Sign the divorce papers. Pay the alimony and child support( and you best believe I will be collecting) and move out (what, you thought I would pack out? Is his father a baga?)

9. If I was simply going to sit at home and make babies, i wouldn't have bothered with school. My ovaries are cool, they are popping. I could have been reproducing from age 11.

10. I never played with my dolls. I chewed them. They were tasty

11. I don't care what anybody has to say about it

Saturday, September 01, 2007

I want my mummy (Catwalq Academie behind the scenes)

I have been in bed for two days. Running a high fever.
I want my mummy.
Then Yosh...,
Unnaked and then
Jaja, you can make me some correct peppersoup...
*sniff* *cough* *hackle*
And Laspapi, I need a good movie to watch
Then Overwhelmed will come and make noise and raise my temperature.
Because he lurves me so much, Yosh will put her out.
Kpakpando will stop by with some oyinbo type medicine that I will hide and pretend to swallow.
Toyintomato will come with conc-est agbo her grandmother could concoct.
Idemmili will bring me erotic reading material but she will not make it upstairs to my room because she would have bumped into Ubong Da and the tow would have disppeared.
Ugo D will send me a card.
Fatoumatta will call from SA and MTN will drop the line.
Unnaked and Atutu will go at it as each vies for a space at either side of my bed.
Yosh, will look up from his book, shake his head and tell them to be quiet.
Omodudu will stop by and tell me to get off my arse.
Fine Boy will not come until the whole thing has passed as he has abandoned blogville
Naija Politriks, Blogger General and UKNaija will get into it. Jeremy will stop by for a while and go off about the state of health care in the country.
After, I collect his Bournvita and Lucozade, I will ask Atutu and Unnaked to put him out.
They will happily oblige me.
Bibi wouldn't mind.
Waffarian will send me some peppersoup that Porter DeHarcourt will deliver...with six pieces of meat missing.
BabaAlaye will make sure that NEPA does not take light so that the air condition will cool my body.
Then I will cry cos usually that's how I reach the end of my illness. Everyone will freak out and think something serious is wrong.
My mother will hiss and direct Yosh and Atutu (cos Unnaked has gone to toast some chick) to carry me to the bathroom. They will drop me into the bath filled with cold water. i will scream and my mother will hold me down. Then I will be pulled out and cleaned and towelled dry.
By then, the bed has been remade and new teddy-bear patterned nighty presented.
My mummy helps me into them and gives me a new pair of yellow socks.
I am sniffling and telling her that when my daddy comes, I will tell him. I am going to report everybody and everyone is going to be sorry
Then everyone starts to leave one by one until...
only mummy remains.
I want my mummy...
and even though I love you guys to sege...
I want my mummy.