Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Him and I

Maybe I should hold out. Maybe I should wait. But isn't that what I have been doing? Waiting?
Sometimes, it is so much easier to give in to those desires that hold court in your heart. Maybe, I am not that strong at all. Maybe there is nothing even spectacular about me at all. Maybe I am just a 23 year old woman trying to survive in an environment that is not realy equipped to accept her when she is at her best or at least striving to be so.

Maybe I am tired of wondering when my time will come. Maybe I am allowed a moment of weakness. Maybe I am not weak at all. Maybe in fact, letting go will be a true manifestation of my strength. Maybe I am just lazy. I mean, can I say that waiting this long is too long? Maybe I am just coming up with one excuse after the other.

Maybe I should just enjoy this. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe this is all I can handle at the moment. Maybe it might become something more. Maybe one day, I will cease to be 23 and he 35.

36 comments:

Ubong Da said...

The irony of it all is that when you reach that grand age of 50 you would regret not letting go, being wild and enjoying certain things when you were in your 20s, by then it would be too late. As for me I don't think I would have such regrets. LOL

No quote me o!. I no say make you go spoil o!. Me I no dey. Na waka pass I dey waka before you stop me.

Nyemoni said...

It's natural to feel the maybes ever so often..Maybe you are allowed a moment to ponder....maybe you'll make a good decision...maybe you may regret your decision in years to come...maybe you wont ever have cause to regret this decision... life is such a risk! Good luck, whatever you decide...

geisha said...

age aint nothing but a number babe...
'cept of course, he treats u like a kid.
what are u holding out on? this post is like a poem- see me trying to make a picture of the images ur words evoked(hehe)
u seem confused.. perhaps u should do it the rory gilmore way and make a pro-con list.

Ugo Daniels said...

maybe it's high time you let go. Sometimes we don't make much efforts. There's a sayn if the mountain cannot come to mohammed, mohammed will go to the mountain...food for thot!

And YES, maybe it's time you did the next episode of Academie :)

AIVY said...

if this guy is truly for u, u won't feel any of what u feeling right now.its not about the age but the compatibility. u need to let go.

akin aworan said...

Ahh.. matters of the heart.

As the others have mentioned in one way or the other, age is but a number. However, if he respects you, he shouldnt be treating you like a kid. Also, life is always going to be full of maybes.. it's just a question of what you do with them.

Good luck!

princesa said...

@aivy, am sorry but i dont quite agree with you.

Sometimes,questions arise in our hearts about our actions taken and those yet to be taken. It doesnt mean that its not meant to be. Its important that we answer those questions before moving ahead.

Catwalq dear,if its just the age issue then i'ld say go for it. Age dont matter when it comes to things of the heart. My first real love was 32 when i was just 18. Crazy u may think but we were really in love.We still love eachother but not like dat anymore.

UnNaked Soul said...

Maybe you should stop worrying...
What matters the most (if I get your post correctly) is the connection... I want to be with someone whom I can flirt with even when she's 70 and am only-God-knows-how-old...

Bonding matters far more to me than I-Love-You... *wink*

100%Lighty said...

maybe you should just let it flow. sometimes that helps alot
so wot if he is 12 years older than you? it's just 12.

on the other hand, if you know in your heart that this aint right you might have to let it go. you are worth too much for a man to treat you like a penny. and if he is doing that darling, you are strong enuf to leave and far too special that you will mos def find someone that would treat like the jewel you are.

this is about you girl, think about you and put love aside 4 now cos it always comes. wot good is a love that brings only heart ache?

and if its that the love you are getting is so much it makes you feel like you are not worthy of it, sweetie you are worthy of every good thing bestowed on you. so ease up and enjoy the beautiful love.

Jeff Corbin said...

Interesting thing the heart is...In these matters...i go by one rule only...if you feel something then just dive in, but always make sure you can swim out of the waters and dry yourself up.

Most important thing is that you care for him as he does you...if not then all the questioning is pointless.

OR

you can do as geisha says...the rory gilmore way! Works sometimes :)

@AIVY: I also disagree with you on that.

Queen of My Castle said...

I agree with Princesa, if age is the issue, you should just go for it! Women are usually more compatible with older men, at least most of the time. Have no regrets, babe, because at one point in time it's what you wanted.

30+ said...

You will have an inward witness maybe it is time you stop wondering maybe and just listen to the inner voice of the maker.

mack said...

hehe.

venture-- or get celibate. The guy has a lot of patience... I guess that's why he's 35. Some guys (like me) wouldn't be very patient with a girl that wouldn't make up her mind. But that's youngsters, that's me.

So since he can wait, take your time then. But remember he wont always wait.

have fun, thanks for stoping by mine.

Anonymous said...

As far as it is not Laspapi I am sure it will be fine go for it.

on a more serious note....... said...

look...age is a very important issue..it is a big number..more often not the guy is out to use or control u.
there are only few exceptions to this rule.
why U! wat happend to the other 27-35 year old chics? why is it that at 35 he is not married..u have to ask ur self these questions.
and 23 and 35 is a wide gap...u are not on the same level and u dont think alike....so he is ready to accomodate u?...are u ready to be a mature girl?....remember u cant have ur cake and eat it.......
a word is enuff for the wise.....

catwalq said...

I think alot of people misunderstood my post. I am weighing my options going into the relationship with him. I am not trying to get married or anything. I want to have fun and be happy. He is willing to accomodate me

@Ubong Da: Dat is why me I like you, you show me road, then you deny me...chei

@Nyemoni: thanks girl. u always get me

@geisha: at this point, he is just what I need. i was just going through the motions of what it's most likely going to be like...

@Ugo: Academie is on the way, bikonu

@Aivy: I let one go and I am not doing it again

@Aworan: he never treated me like a kid. he didn't even believe I told him the truth about my age...I guess, I act like I am much older...

@Princessa: my sister, that is why I like u jare.

@Unnaked: Muaaahhhhh!!!!

@100%Lightly: nice to meet you and thanks. what i needed to hear

@Jeff Corbin: Ok. Thanks

@Queen: u just nailed it. I have always wanted older guys.

@Mack: what makes you think I am celibate?

@30+: amen


@On a serious note: I don't know why he hasn't married. I can only imagine that it is because like me, he believes that marriage is a possibility and not a necessity. You don't get married so you can tick it off your list by a certain age but because you are ready for the experience and are willing to work for its success.
I am 23, an architect; he is 35 and in Banking. We both own our own outfits and infact, I had to do a design for him so sweetie, age has nothing to do with levels. We gel and that's all that is important.
But also, I appreciate where you are coming from. I am thinking you are a very conservative and "traditional" person, no?

GERALD said...

I believe you will make a good decision in future..
at 23yrs you are either young or adult..
but don't wait for long please...
pray for the will of God.

Atutupoyoyo said...

My love! I have been on hols. Who is this bobo sef? Age ain't really a thing my dear. So what if he was in JS2 by the time they born you? So what if he was driving before you could ride a bike? It's the quality of the relationship that matters jare.

You are still young and can afford some risks. Let us see where the ride takes you. Holla @ me

K.I.P.U.S.A said...

gal just enjoy the moment

Anonymous said...

You are...a virgin?

Ide.

uknaija said...

This is cryptic, but can I just say that there's nothing wrong with a 12 year age gap if you like him, except of course you don't....

Sparkle said...

I don't know if I'm making a point here..hope I'm not off-topic...
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain...
Catwalq, letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems

Rinsola said...

Try and let worry be,a nd listen to that still voice.

Miss Opeke said...

Maybe you should do what's in your heart...
Or maybe you should let go and trust if it is meant to be...it will be.
Only you know what you are feeling...even if we all give you one advice after another, only YOU can really say what's in your heart...

Aijay said...

Babe, I think you should follow your heart. If there's a connection between you guys, go ahead.
They say, If nothing is ventured, how can you win?
All the best my dear!!

Anonymous said...

Do what you want, just be careful.

diary of a G said...

let me ask you....
what are you waiting for?

Obinwanne said...

maybe you should just explain to him and move on, because my mum didnt make thatd ecision in time, and she's still a young widow....and maybe not

Arewa said...

Just go for it..(enjoy it) if that is what ur heart says buit be prepared to deal with the consequences ...things dont go the way that u expected...

Fatoumatta said...

it aint that bad...just listen to her heart nd just try block everything else out...turst me u wont regrt it, speaking from expernce (even though everyone expernces diffnt things...)its not a big deal,u aint the first nd u sure wont be the last!!rembr u get to live once!!

Kpakpando said...

catwalq, catwalq, catwalq. How many times did I call your name. I am a firm believer that every woman needs that older man experience before she gets married, however if one person causes so much doubt and pondering they ain't it. Tell that old man to keep it moving o jare, let him stop pouring sand in your garri so the right one can come along.

there's something to be said for letting go, but you have to be careful not to lose yourself in the process. Certain regrets are better to live with than others.

Carlang said...

Maybe in the end you really dont need a reason to do what your heart tells you to,
maybe you should seat in a room and just ask yourself.,
will i have fun doing it.
Msybe the answer will be yes,
maybe it;ll be no...
but one things for sure.
once you're done..
you'll know!

my advise..
dive i!!

catwalq said...

atutu: love ya lots

Ide: no. ????

Everyone else: thanks for the comments.have made a decision and am loving it

Oracle said...

You have every right to be confused as long as it has to do with Love.
I'll advice you don't make hasty decisions

Teediva said...

"well, i was 21 and he was 37, and i was worried. but i went into it. later i found he was forty but what could i do? but we're having a bal together now".

that, my friend, is a firend's testimony. good to see u made up ur mind.

pamelastitch said...

Do it only when you feel you are ready.

Right now, i sense that you are not quite at that point.

pammy