Saturday, April 08, 2006

my goodness, i just realised that it has been about five months since i blogged. And almost that long since I even read that of anybody else.
I have been going through alot. This year is proving to be somewhat of a challenge and yet at the same time, a multitude of miracles. I have survived so much and I am preparing for a big change in my life.
I finally finished my first manuscript (it was supposed to have been finished since 2004 but somehow, I managed to drag it into december 2005)
So, this is how the international publishing industry works:
1. You, the author, wrack your brain for months/years and pour out all your creativity into a manuscript that you are so certain is going to launch you into financial success and give you the money to buy your own house and tell your father that he can keep his and your mother that you do not have to be proper because now, you can buy yourself a husband. I mean, with the money I am imagining, I should be able to pay his bride price and that of all his siblings.
2. Then, you start to look for publishing companies that publish your will discover that they do not accept 'unsolicited manuscripts'. Long and short, if you do not have someone to talk to them on your behalf, they do not want to meet you, or read the next 'Gone With The wind'. Mine's much better by the way.
3. You, then start to look for agents, most of whom are lsited in books and publications that you have to buy. Even then, some charge to read your manuscript (why do you think i wrote a book...I was hungry; i need money and so, I wrote a book to sell and make money.) You only fall in love with writing after your advance cheque and the red in your debt account starts to recede.
4. You then send them the first fifty pages of your story (double spaced, one inch margin, indented paragraphs...phew), a self addressed and stamped envelope, a synopsis, cover letter and contact details. Do you know how much it costs to print about thirty of these packages and send them out IN US DOLLARS.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
5. Then they send it back to you: " we wish you well in your writing endeavours...blah, blah, blah, or something like that, but we do not feel that your manuscript is suited to the type of work we represent.
6. You cry and ask God Why?
7. The next batch of rejections come back
8. You start to search for a rich boyfriend because you are broke from this publishing venture
9. Then, suddenly, a ray of hope, one asks for the whole manuscript.
10. You think and think about where you are going to pring about two hundred and ninety pages ....
11. ah, karamba...eureka: the school internet cafe where you have printing limit of thirty pages
12. You walk in, sign in and change computers every thirty minutes. You spend about three hours coz u know: ink finishes, the printer has thirty jobs lined up and u are number thirty, the attachment file of your manuscript will not open, the cafe manager suspects what you are up to, you see someone you know and you do not want anyone to know that you have written what will be the source of your financial liberation, u have to pee and when u get back te chick you have been secretly hating cos she is such a better dresser has planted her fat derriere in your seat....
13. You print your 'dreams and aspirations' and package it with prayer an dhand it over to the post office and wait.
14. You contemplate suicide because there has been no response and you have banked everything on the fact that they will love it and immediately want to represent you. Infact, they have pushed it on a test audience and have a publisher waiting to put the book out.
15. you wait, go even more broke as you await the response
16. you come back from school and a huge package is awaiting you in the mail: your returned manuscript
17. You almost refuse to collect it
18. the editor tells you what is wrong with it and that if you can fix it, maybe you and she can talk
19. You spen a nerve wracking week, on the story and fix it up, change it, etcetera,etcetera
20. You go back to step 10-13
21. You are waiting and any day soon, you will hear from them and all your problems will be solved cos right now, I am owing my private school about $4,000+ in tuition and I have until May 5th to straighten it all out.
22. Cannot call mumsie or pupsie cos they had given me the money and I spent it. On what, i do not know, but somewhere, there is a laptop, etc in the list of things that I purchased.
23. I am waiting on my miracle and I feel that it is about to come.
24. Until then, I am going to piggy back on my friend and go with her to Abuja. She has up and left me in the dust. Last month, she upgraded 'aristos' for a local senator or house of assembly rep, or whatever u choose to call him ( he sha, has escort and money and has asked her to accompany him to Abuja and 'BRING A FRIEND.' I nearly beat her into choosing me.
25. I have to go and study, maybe, i can polish up my shoddy grades and earn the department subsidised tuition scholarship and ting
26. Who knows, anyways, when I am done here at the cafe, i will go and check my mail

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