Friday, April 14, 2006

i had to come home today because I am broke and need to refuel on food and cash. besides, campus is becoming depressing by the day and then, there's the fact that today is Good Friday so everywhere is closed down so that the christians can have one more way to laud their faith over everone else.
Ibinabo called...finally. There wasn't much to say. i think it was worse for him because I wasn't screaming or making a fuss. What did he think I was going to do. for the fact that I had not decapitated him on the sport should have indicated to him that as I walked away from the scene, i was walking away from him and from us. US. Was there ever any us.
I am beginning to wonder what it is really like for men who keep yound women as mistresses. you know, like those sugar daddies( older men who run around with young girls less than half their age). How must it feel knowing that the only reason someone is with you is because of the money that you give to them and that they consider sex with you nothing more than part of the business arrangement. How must it feel to know that in reality they cringe when you touch them, especially those over weight, potbellied imbeciles that seem to have found their way into the coffers of the country's economy.
Ibinabo is not like that. I mean, not pot bellied and ugly. he is really quite good looking and very intelligent. he is the youngest manager in the bank where he works. he has been sent on numerous business trips because he is very well trusted. But, i do not think Ibinabo knows that he can indeed have a meaningful relationship even if he does not throw his money or the knowledge of it around.
I hvae noted that most african men have not been taught to believe in themselves without the accolades heaped upon them by women. they need us to define them because they have never been taught to define themselves without us to be their backbones, their ceremonial robes and trophies. If only they, as strong African men, knew their own power and celebrated themselves, they will not be seeking women who are of the same age as their grandchildren to help them recapture the youth they never had a chance to experience or define.
But Ibinabo is not like that. Not yet.

1 comment:

miss hotbody said...

I am reading through ur archives from 2005. This (post) is lovely.Did you get published? Anyway, I will find out(I hope)