Wednesday, August 01, 2007

MY FIRST BRA

It was time. My mother had finally taken pity on my jiggling up and down and pestering her to grant me my heart's desire. Catwalq was going to be the proud wearer of a very empowering contraption: THE BRA.

Now, I was on the path towards my sexiness. Yes, so I was short, round, had no hair but my bra would change all that. My mother would start respecting me and very soon all the men would be at my beck and call. The reason they were not after me was because I had no "uplifts" to my "weapons of mass seduction". In 24 hours, I would cease to be Cattie and become Miss Catwalq, potential owner of double Ds (so I prayed).

After conveying to my father and brother in the most important of tones (like they cared), our mission, my mother and I set off for the one place in the world where you can find the most sexy of undergarments: Tejuosho Market.

I was nearly besides myself with excitement. i could not wait to return after mid-terms with my new bra(s). Almost everyone in my class had them in every shape or form; even those whose "aspiring" potrusions were competing to attain groundnut shapes and sizes. I had been eyeing in envy all those girls in dorm as they dressed and unleashed on my non-bra-wearing person their imported varieties in color and fabric, I was determined that I too would give them a run for their money. They were to wait and see. The new and improved Catwalq was about to be unleashed.

First we stopped at every customer my mother had in the market and she informed them in loud whispers what we were here to do. Laughter, cackling, winks and immediate perusal of my chest followed. i endured it all because at the end of the long stretch of market corridor, right under the staircase leading upstairs to the clothing and apparel section and male sales people who liked to grab at females sat the mecca of brand new female underwear. they could laugh all they wanted, when I passed back in an hours time, they would see just how little of a girl I was.
Mststshhw! (hiss)

We got there. The women called out to the my mother and I and if not for the instructions I had been given before getting out of the car, i would have jumped forward and started rolling around. My mother settled on one woman with a nose ring. Seeing my eager face, the woman pulled out a bag containing some of the most colorful bras and matching panties I had ever seen. The models on their packaging, were white and had ironing boards for stomachs. the patterns were checkered, floral, mickey mouse, smiley faces etc. YES!!!! This was it, oh my God, this was it.

"Let's start with a 32 C" my mother informed the woman.

The woman expertly unwrapped the bras and spilled its contents out. She selected one. I will never forget it as long as I live. It was bright yellow with little red flowers running across the front. the top of it was scalloped in the lace patterns of the petals. the straps were tiny and had a little bow on the shoulder. The unpadded cups settled tightly into metal lifts to rest under my bra-virgin breasts and lift them to glory. And in a few minutes, it was going to be mine. i put my hand forward to touch it.
Smack! Iya Catwalq'a hand came out of no where and stung my skin. I retracted my smarting hand to saftety. What is going on? Even the seller was startled

"You will not wear such? Do you want to catch breast cancer?" say what? "or don't you know that the metal in the cups can rust against your skin? You will not put me in trouble. Madam, don't you have more suitable ones without metal?" My mother asked

"I get d one wey get plastic." the woman answered.

"No, none with anything. Just bring the plain bras."

I watched in slow motion as the objects of my sexual liberation that had been just minutes dangled beneath my nose like a punishing temptation, were slowly retracted and folded away and a bag containing another brand of womanhood brought forward. I nearly burst into tears when my mother reached for the bra of her choice.

The straps were so big, I could have checked "towel" off my back to school list.

It was plain cotton. Plain, boring and uninspiring cotton.

Visions of dressing in the dark to avoid being seen with such underwear catastrophes assualted my mind and my throat began to clog up with tears.

"Mummy..." I began.

"What?!" my mother snapped. That "what" was the kind that preceeded a slap and unlike Adaure's mother who waited to get home before she was beaten, my mother had no problems rearranging my facial features right there in the center of the market. And no one would intervene too because she just might met out the same to them.

That was how I walked home, the "proud" owner of four bras and matching panties.
We took the same route we had come in with and I had to "show off" my purchases.

When i got back to school, I made sure I took my shower at 3 in the morning and always dressed behind my locker door.

It took me two years to get over the experience.

220 comments:

1 – 200 of 220   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

LMAO @ The straps were so big, I could have checked "towel" off my back to school list.!!!!!
thats really funny girl.. hmmn this brings memories of my first bra experience.... i wonder..
Candy

Unknown said...

This brings back memories to me too...same place = Tejuosho Market...same embarrasing sequence of events. I even had the bra seller try to ascertain my size by cupping her and reaching out to my chest. I stepped back quickly enough and my mom shot her a dirty look. Thanks for sharing, this brought back memories of pre-Wonder-bra days!!!

Atutupoyoyo said...

To the tune of "Portobello Road":

'Anything and everything from bras to 2nd hand carpets;
can be found on the stalls of Tejuoso market'

I was more of a Bali guy myself but Tejuoso saw some of my cash as well. I can just picture the top notch quality of the Aba-made matching bra and kpata.

We thank God that at least now you have graduated to Victoria Secret hongs, strings and orishirishi.

Or have I said to much?...........

Esther Garvi said...

Oh dear, how I feel for you! You post really made me laugh though!

My first bra was a far less traumatic experience (my mom brought me one and I started using it about a year later or something like that). Getting breasts was more traumatic. I couldn't understand the first lump and asked my dad if it could be cancer or something... I must have been eleven...

Afolabi said...

this was fun to read....

Afolabi said...

this was fun to read....

O.šeyï said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
O.šeyï said...

hahahaha... That was hilarious. At least you started with 32 C some people are still wearing that ish. lol.

I have to say though, my first bra was soo cute; cotton, with cute little pink flowers on 'em from Marks and Spencer. Damn... i wanted to frame them when i graduated.

I felt the same way about my first bra... it meant boys, liberation, adulthood. lol. Crazy!

diary of a G said...

hia

EDNUTEY said...

LMAO...embarrassment
brings back memories..don't u just hate dem bras... d ones with d really big straps...sometimes u even think u're wearing a sleeveless top except it's showing ur belly

lol, I love dis post

Anonymous said...

na wa o!
all this grammar 4 ur 1st bra sha..lol
1 of my baby uncles actually bought me my 1st bra. i remember it was a white lacy-like thingie.

ozaveshe said...

nice to hear about ur first bra...got me thinking tho'- all that 32'C, b-cup, D's, C++ and things, what size do u use now?

Anthony Arojojoye said...

2 solid years?! I guess you were an early bird. You prepared well before your time.

יש (Yosh) said...

"No, none with anything. Just bring the plain bras." hahahahaha...

On 2nd thot, maybe I shouldn't be here!

*blush*

Ain't mad at chu, hon! Just taking my time on backville. Gotta sort out somethings, but I've got eyes on u!

UnNaked Soul said...

LMAO!!!
your mama mean o.
now you can torture her with ur new collection of wonder (uhmm, with the wonders they do) bras and assorted collection of contemporary design bras by catwalking in front of her everytime she's around *wink*

Anonymous said...

i remeber the 1st day i wore a BRA ..my sibling so made fun of me..and everything i did that day was attributed to the fact that "Pink-satin is now feeling becasue she is wearing bra"..i was 13

Nwanyi Ocha said...

Take heart hun, my experience is very similar to yours. I looked down one day and saw breasts. My mum decided ur version was best for support. I cried that night ehh. Luckily the next day my mum found some my dad and her bought when they came over for holiday.A black silk and lace M&S. If u see the way I GRABBED THIS THING EHH - CHE, LOL.

It took me a while to accept my "support" bras but since then bra shopping has been with my aunts.

ps: I've been looking for the spelling of this thing for a long time. Mststshhw! (hiss)

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

lol! i know right nwanyi ocha, that hiss spelln has been evading everyone...hmm..my first bra, lol! it was called *trainers*.like black jesus i must *to be a rapper by force by force* i too...(fill in d gap), it was cute 'dou, very cute sef...

Ubong Da said...

eya I hope u wouldn't subject your daughter to the same treatment

Phantomwriter said...

Wow, that was very well written. Unlike you, I didn't want to waer a bra cos my friends weren't wearing any at the age of nine. Now my boobs are average sized...how did that happen!!!

classybabe said...

lol,this really brings back memories of Tej mall(Hehe)

Anonymous said...

have u noticed pple hardly say BRAISSEIRE..lol

Anonymous said...

lol... u were luckier than me - at least u got a bra. i asked for one and my mum said, "ki l'o fe fi ko?"
i suffered months of painful boob-jingling and manual support before my mum decided to put me out of my misery!

AIVY said...

eeya.... can imagine how you must have felt. for me i was so shy about the whole idea of wearing a bra... my mum had to literally force me to wear one

exschoolnerd said...

"my mother had no problems rearranging my facial features right there in the center of the market. And no one would intervene too because she just might met out the same to them."


bwhahahahaha...please wait let me comport myself properly..this post had me laffing..because i can so relate...and ur mumcy is just like mine maybe even worse...at least ur mumcy bought u ur first bra...mine didnt my frend bought mine for me...i dnt know what she was waiting for.

Ms. Catwalq said...

@anonymous: you should have seen them.
@jola Naibi: those bra sellers have lesbian tendencies. why don't older women understand that we younger ones are quite adverse to being fondled.
@atutupoyoyo: "Bali". classic. I am filing that away in my ligo dictionary.
@Istar: breast cancer? lol (not at the cancer but at your assumptions.
@Afolabi: thanks
@Oseyi: well, there have been boys, some liberation and way too much adulthood
@D.O.G: ???
@Sparkle:lol. bra tops? lol
@I'm a babe: men, ur uncle is a bit suspect there?
@Ozaveshe: 36C. Why? U need a bra too. *snicker*
@anthony arojoye: actually not really. I think I was right on time
@Yosh: u belong right here.
@Unnaked, I will spank u o. naughty
@Pink Satin: don't u just hate that when everyone says u r feeling cos u now have boobs? *exasperated sigh*
@Nwanyiocha: that spelling is copyrighted o by me. no tif am.lol
@the experiences...: rapper bras? please elaborate.
@ubong da: she is going bra shopping with her father men.
@Phantom: I am sure urs r the correct size for u
@classybabe: tej is the joint men.
@Pink Satin: actually it is Breh-siah!!
@geisha: eyah, pele.
@aivy: u were shy? i was counting the days
@exschoolnerd: chei, u have suffered.

temmy tayo said...

See, u made me laugh out lound in a cyber cafe.

IJEOMA said...

LOL@ DO YOU WANT TO CATCH BREAST CANCER.
OK.. THAT ISH WAS FUNNY

Admin UD said...

bra bra bra! guess i entered the wrong room. Sorry girls ;)

Bitchy said...

Lol, Your mother sounds hilarious

diary of a G said...

wish you would have gotten the bright yellow one with little red flowers running across the front.
the one that would rest under ur bra-virgin breasts and lift them to glory
the one that was the object of ur sexual liberation

"weapons of mass seduction".
so true

you must be a great writer cos I would have thought it was all about the size not the bras but
when you said

It was plain cotton. Plain, boring and uninspiring cotton
men that sound corny compare to the first 4 reel

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

lmao! Pele, oh! Glad you got over it though...

@Jola Naibi: shewanted to figure out your size by holding your boobs? ewwww....

My first bra was a hand me down from a cousin. It was prett, cotton and lace but bein a tom boy, I wanted nothing to do with it. She just had a baby yesterday and I cannot wait to give her daughter a bra when she gets older. Its kind of a family tradition. Nice post, girl!

...toyintomato said...

...hehehe, the big straps is for "support"..haba!, and the plainness is to keep the boys away....(thats the mothers secret code for buyin bras)
oh the ever lovely tej- so much of my money spent on those laddies..i even remember my customer..iya bola.hehe.

Moody Crab said...

LMAO!!! Ah....babe, you are nuts!!!! Lol

Unknown said...

I cannot remember my first experience but hey thanks for sharing. love your work

Sam Oracle said...

Thank God, I'm a man

vindication through innocence said...

lol!!the towel line was jokes men!!!hahahahahahaha!!!you really suffer!!It must have been so devastating to know that you were getting asda smartprice underwear as opposed to Agent Provo!!pele!!
lol!!the cancer thing is jokes!!i rebuke it over your life!!
LOL at tej market!!lol!!

Ms. Catwalq said...

@Aunty Temi: dey no born dem well to say anything.

@Ijeoma:mumsie is a closet hypochondriach.

@Ugo: I thought you would like bra-related "issues" but I guess not...

@Bitch: she is in fact a case

@D.O.G: Yup

@Solomonsiydelle: Cousins presenting bras? I would have fainted. The bulk of my cousins are male.

@Oracle: u don't say

@Toyintomao: Iya Bola? u r a case

@Kip.Usa: Thanks

@Vindication: lol

Anonymous said...

girl! you had me in stiches. Omo! I can't remember my first bra experience but boarding school is not for wimps ...

laspapi said...

two years to overcome that one experience...the human mind.

shhhh said...

lol. whao

LurLar said...

I like ur mama jo.....she no send,nd she no dey waste time at all with the facial rearrangement........lol

Anonymous said...

OMG! hanks for sharing. Oh those days of terror and horror. It's a wonder I have such a healthy [read:obsessive] relationship with my breasts now. Thank you girl! You are just bringing back memories, left, right and centre.

Ide

Anonymous said...

God. I just remembered our neighbourhood kids following me around and chanting that they could see my 'brown'. I was 10 when I started wearing 1. Bloody kids.
It was started by a jealous teenager who caught sight of my strapless through my almost see-through dress. She didn't have any. MUMU.

O'Seyi: A 32C cup [Cup size C, back size 32] is a good, man-palm-sized cup to be at. It doesn't matter if some people are still wearing it now. It's all down to genetics - even if they started growing breasts early.

Ide

Ide

Unknown said...

LOL!!

Why do parents assume everyone starts with a 32C? I could swear my very first bra was a 32C too only it was bought by my dad on one of his trips. LOL!!

Anonymous said...

thats weird

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