Thursday, June 07, 2007

GYM blues

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am in intense physical pain.
Have just completed my second day of thirty minutes on the stationary bike and thirty crunches.
I cannot feel my legs.
My spine is on fire.
I think I am going to pass out.
God is this how I am going to go?
I have not even dated my sheik yet?
What about all my world jet setting?
I have not even had the upgrade to first class on BA, Oh God why me?
Should I call my mum?
What time is it?
No, she might just kill me herself.
Yee eeeee, my thighs!!!
Mo gbe, I think I am seeing a white light.
Idiot, it is just your neighbours driving down the street
I think I have shifted my liver
*sob* I am only trying to have a flat tummy, ehn, eze okwu
Maybe if I could just detach my legs for a while, it will not be as bad.
Jesus!!! What is this?
is my hair falling out?
Why is everything dark?
Oh, sorry, have to open my eyes first.
I don't know who sent me message. All these yeye summer ads on cable. Me too, I want a bikini
Am tired of my one piece suit. Besides, I have already slashed d thing with scissors into a two piece.
I am having a headache. Hey!!! I hope I am not having a haemorrage.
U should have turned back when u walked into that gym and everyone in there was skinny. I mean, everyone else used like six other machines while they had to scrape you off the second one.
I don't even know how I walked home in a straight line
How many fingers am I holding up? First, let me move my hand up to where my eye can see it cos I cannot turn my head.
Men, I have to find a way to get my hands on that hoodia plant cos I don't think I can go through this everyday.
Why is Jennifer Lopez taking off her clothes?
Where is the remote? Oh, it has been in my left hand all this while? No wonder, i could not lift my hand.
Is this heiffer singing in spanish? Idioto! How am I supposed to understand...
Let me see what else is on
CNN...
BBC...
MTV...
Africa Magic...Jesus!!!hell no
Discovery Home... what is this? Tips for summer get togethers? Pudding? Shio. Barbecued chicken, hmn, ok, roasted corn. these yeye oyinbo people and their culinary crimes. Why will you douse corn in butter?
*sob* I am hungry

38 comments:

billie-blogger said...

My girl...I just have to say that you have a way with words. I can totally relate to everything you say and the vivid description is amazing.

I also go to the gym and have patented a way of doing 10 minutes flat and then slinking off.

Hang in there and think about your bikini bod!

exschoolnerd said...

lol..cudnt help laughing..kpele..i feel ur pain jare...sofry sofry oh..i know u want that bikini-bod by all means but dont kill urself why ur at it oh.

Ugo Daniels said...

Damn catwalq, this is classic, not your pains ooo...but the post. I'm so luving da randomness of it all.

It's a pity you feel the way you do, just don't forget that every Rose comes with a thorn. You gotta feel a lil pain before you enjoy glad tidings, eh!

Just take am easy abeg oo!

יש (Yosh) said...

"I have not even dated my sheik yet...I have not even had the upgrade to first class on BA"

This is lovely! :)

At the same time, it strikes a chord on all those who want to look camera-funky and 'fanciful'. So much twist to it! Good stuff!

BlogVille Idols said...

BLOGVILLE IDOL

Hey guys as you know the BLOGVILE IDOL CONTEST Would be kicking off on 11th JUNE 2007...Please help us make it a succes by participating..We already have our contestants(fellow bloggers)who would be singing in the voice comment player on the blogville idol page.We need you to listen to them and vote..Pls check our page (the Condition on entry) and see what is required for u voters to do and your voting dates,the voting poll would be up soon..Pls help us turn this to a success...and pls visit the page frequently...Tanx for ur support as we try to spice things up in blogville

Jola Naibi said...

Hey there...I did not read your post, yet. I left a message for you in the comments section of Ms Iyanda's blog, but just figured you might not actually get to see it yet. You might want to try Amazon.com to get a copy of Half of a Yellow Sun...plus you might end up getting it cheaper than at B&N... take care, nice to 'meet' you

Everyone Loves a Naija Girl said...

Good job working out...I try to get to point of exhaustion...succeed most of the time lol. Haha...I intend on wear a two-piece to the beach this summer! lol

Andy said...

Ha ha ha ha! I am rolling in laughter here ooh!
The simple solution.....call the sheik and let him give you a massage. You get him and then you have your body pains disappear.
Next time at the gym, go with a pack of paracetamol or maybe something stronger.
See you in Hawaii lol!

chidi said...

lol!!!!if it hurts so much, stop going to the gym....dnt listen to me ok?

IJEOMA said...

mehn.. when i started runnning every night for 45 minutes.. i thought my legs would never recover.. but the more i did it.. the more it seemed that i fit surpass my 45 minutes of scheduled running time.. the point is.. keep at it.. if not for your body.. but for your health.

temmy tayo said...

ok who send u sef. Ehn, pele my dia. I no dey like people to dey complain like this o.

For me gym ko, Jim Iyke ni.

BlogVille Idols said...

HEY PEOPLE..THE BLOGVILLE IDOL CONTEST HAS STARTED GO TO OUR PAGE AND LISTEN VIA THE VOICE PLAYER and VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE CONTESTANt VIA THE VOTING POLL..PLS SPREAD THE WORD

BlogVille Idols said...

HEY PEOPLE..THE BLOGVILLE IDOL CONTEST HAS STARTED GO TO OUR PAGE AND LISTEN VIA THE VOICE PLAYER and VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE CONTESTANt VIA THE VOTING POLL..PLS SPREAD THE WORD

Anu boy said...

nice one ohhh... kpele ohh.... keep on just keep it on

diary of a G said...

hey thanks 4 coming thru
where ya voice comment at?
I got yours

Simply Gorgeous said...

Wow- I literally feel your pain bighead. sorry, o-- No pain no gain. I am a horrible person I should be sympahizing with you?

Kana lafiya?

catwalq said...

@ BillieBlogger: Thank u o
@ ex school nerd: tank u my sistah!!
@Ugo: e be like say na thorn bush I carry come home instead of Rose O, I don shift my spleen
@Yosh: where u bin dey? Ur palm wine is gone o. Me thinks we have to find u another wife. One that does not require alcohol-begging because otherwise I might end up in the NAA ( Nigerian Alcoholics Anonymous)
@Blogville Idol: we have heard but I am sorry I am not singing. U will thank me later...
@Jola Naibi: thanks. have gone to check it out.
@Everyoneluvs:Which beach? Maybe we can have beach party? U, me and panadol extra
@Andy: are u mocking me. And I thought we were friends. *sob*
@Chidi! Chidi!! Chidi!!! Enemy of weight loss
@Ijeoma: Thanks jare, beta person. Chidi r u hearing?
@Aunty Temmy: why r u hating on a thick sister? *sob* Aunty la de pe yin o
@Anu: thanks
@ Diary of a G: on my other blog.http://banibaraje.blogspot.com/
@Simply G: what does that mean?

o.šeyï said...

HAHAHA... that was funny men. I seriously understand. My abs are on fire now cause i'm trying to take pictures in a bikini as well. What type of stupid pressure are we under ehn?!
Pele... take it easy ehn. ; )
At least when you wear the bikini you'll be looking hot. lol.
love your blog

boorish male said...

This is so funny!!!!!
How come I never discovered your blog earlier?

Simply Gorgeous said...

Are you fine now? Or do you want me to say it in Ibo and Yoruba? I am multi-lingual you know ... Or maybe chinese, japanese, russian, hindi, spanish or french?

Choose one...(smile)

My 2 cents said...

Pele love,
Had an affair with a gym last summer for all of two weeks. I think I died and saw the pearly gates, don't know how these people do it. if it aint broken don't fix it!

catwalq said...

@oseyi:bikini ke, me I know my level at this time. I am upgrading from a one piece to a tankini by the grace of God
@Boorish male: u r welcome here. i do not know how u don't know either. I was just as pleasantly surprised to find yours
@Simply Gorgeous: d thing is annoying me. My stomach is reducing but I am not loosing weight. Me I do not find as long as my 38-30-42 becomes 38-24-40. U gets me?
@2 cents: omo dis love affair is wanning

Ali's Zay said...

LOL this was very humorous. Thanks for the kinds words you left on my blog. I was born in Haiti, which is where most of my book takes place, but I'm living in Florida. The book comes out in a few weeks. Keep checking the site for the exact date. And let me know if you want the preview which includes the complete first 2 chapters.

Ali's Zay said...

Me, "a naughty boy"? Maybe, maybe not. You'll have to read the rest of the book to find out ;-)

BiMbyLaDs** said...

llol @ temitayo's jim iyke!! lol!!

but f'real try harder o! ( me wey i dey talk, i go to the gym to enjoy thier a/c..) lol

BiMbyLaDs** said...

oh yeah, ur blog is funny!!

Lyrically speaking said...

I am loving your post, just stopped by to see who has some interesting blogs, happy Friday and have a good weekend

dolly said...

lol....pele, you want to be a lepa by force, It's not easy oo

BlogVille Idols said...

HEY NIGERIA.(and er.. everybody else)..KILONSELE!......Thank you for ur support on the Blogville idol contest..The Contestants have sang their 2nd song (Nigerian songs)...please go to our page to listen to them and vote! ..Pls pls help us make this contest a success by voting..dont 4 get to leave us a comment!Thank you...PINKPEKE PRODUCTION

BlogVille Idols said...

HEY NIGERIA.(and er.. everybody else)..KILONSELE!......Thank you for ur support on the Blogville idol contest..The Contestants have sang their 2nd song (Nigerian songs)...please go to our page to listen to them and vote! ..Pls pls help us make this contest a success by voting..dont 4 get to leave us a comment!Thank you...PINKPEKE PRODUCTION

Simply Gorgeous said...

I hear you Catrwalq- so you want to have a Coca-cola bottle shape ? Ok, I hear you... don't worry babe you will achieve your aim. BUt sometimes when you lose weight it tends to lose weight all over.

Your 38 might drop to a 36 or 34 your 30 can either stay at 30 or reduce to a size 26 and your 40 can drop to a size 32....

It is good when you are excercising to weigh and look at your appearance to make sure you are comfortable at that stage.

Goodluck babe... keep me posted...

diary of a G said...

I read some of your Hi5 Toaster(s) thingy
am not on Hi5 by You make me a
Wanna be

chidi said...

LOL!!!

Rayo said...

LMAO!! Try waking up at 5 every morning and having to do 2 hours of grueling exercise in the hot sun under the command of a gym teacher that looks like she should be commanding a platoon of marines.

TaureanMinx said...

He heee. Pele Catwalq, that was fun to read.

Olówó said...

Awww I feel your pain. Try doing the crunches on one of those exercise balls. I just purchased one cut of fear of losing my neck to those damned crunches

omohemi Benson said...

na by force?
No gym again now!
Lol.
Pele love,I hope you are better.

The Last King Of Scotland said...

gym blues indeed. go again, u will soon get used to it. consistency is key