Ladies and Gentlemen, I am in intense physical pain.
Have just completed my second day of thirty minutes on the stationary bike and thirty crunches.
I cannot feel my legs.
My spine is on fire.
I think I am going to pass out.
God is this how I am going to go?
I have not even dated my sheik yet?
What about all my world jet setting?
I have not even had the upgrade to first class on BA, Oh God why me?
Should I call my mum?
What time is it?
No, she might just kill me herself.
Yee eeeee, my thighs!!!
Mo gbe, I think I am seeing a white light.
Idiot, it is just your neighbours driving down the street
I think I have shifted my liver
*sob* I am only trying to have a flat tummy, ehn, eze okwu
Maybe if I could just detach my legs for a while, it will not be as bad.
Jesus!!! What is this?
is my hair falling out?
Why is everything dark?
Oh, sorry, have to open my eyes first.
I don't know who sent me message. All these yeye summer ads on cable. Me too, I want a bikini
Am tired of my one piece suit. Besides, I have already slashed d thing with scissors into a two piece.
I am having a headache. Hey!!! I hope I am not having a haemorrage.
U should have turned back when u walked into that gym and everyone in there was skinny. I mean, everyone else used like six other machines while they had to scrape you off the second one.
I don't even know how I walked home in a straight line
How many fingers am I holding up? First, let me move my hand up to where my eye can see it cos I cannot turn my head.
Men, I have to find a way to get my hands on that hoodia plant cos I don't think I can go through this everyday.
Why is Jennifer Lopez taking off her clothes?
Where is the remote? Oh, it has been in my left hand all this while? No wonder, i could not lift my hand.
Is this heiffer singing in spanish? Idioto! How am I supposed to understand...
Let me see what else is on
Africa Magic...Jesus!!!hell no
Discovery Home... what is this? Tips for summer get togethers? Pudding? Shio. Barbecued chicken, hmn, ok, roasted corn. these yeye oyinbo people and their culinary crimes. Why will you douse corn in butter?
*sob* I am hungry