Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Free Love: I endorse this message

picture from here
By now, if you frequent this blog, you should be at least conversant with the fact that I do love Asian culture; my initial introduction being through film. As a result, I have been somewhat indoctrinated into Asian-American culture and recently volunteered on the rousingly successful first Annual Kollaboration DC talent showcase--to which none of my friends honored my invite--and on which I think I was one of two people of non-Asian descent on the whole team. Side note: not once during the production and show did I not wonder if the warm welcome and kind courtesies extended to me would be reciprocated if the group had been largely Nigerian/ African and an Asian had stepped forward to volunteer. i really wonder

Putting that aside, working with Asians has presented me with an issue that I initially had no understanding of the magnitude and gravity: the de-sexualisation of the Asian Male. Almost every Asian-directed blog that I have read focuses on how Asian men are never considered attractive and are at the bottom of the choice-of-partner-poll. On the hand, Asian women are considered highly desirable with one in every six Asian-American women dating aside of her race.

Each time I read this, I think of black women; more specifically African American women who fall into the same category on the female side of the scale. Thus if there are so many similarities,why then won't Asian Men seek out Black Women as potential partners? Why is there a derth of this kind of pairing:

Then come the stereotype responses:

1) Asian men are not attractive
Ugghhh, I seriously beg to differ

2) Black women are loud and aggressive
Uggh, that is relative. If you mean, they have been dealt so much shit over time that they are quick to call you out on your bullshit, then, I agree. Most Black Women I know WHO ARE EDUCATED are some of the classiest and elegant people you will ever meet; loyal and respectful. Note, I did not say, subservient.

3. Asian Men have small penises
While statistically speaking, it has been recorded that Asian men do have smaller members in relation to other races, you have to take into consideration a few things: a) Asian women are also smaller than other races of women, and so why would God design something that would split your insides...b)it does not say that it makes them lesser lovers as size has no indication on this and c) there are enough sexually unsatisfied black women AROUND THE WORLD for me to know that the desired penis size is more of a fantasy. It is like wanting a hummer so bad until you realize that is an obnoxiou, cash guzzling monstrosity that makes you look like a tool when you take up two parking spaces or crash when you took a corner too fast.
4. Neither parties find each other attractive
Ugggh, again, i beg to differ. I think the attraction is something both sides appear embarassed to admit. Speaking as a Nigerian, I watch with intrigue the stress my fellow sisters go through in finding a mate. I am yet to meet one who will say something like, "I am open to a man outside of my race". They are very concerned about what their parents who will say--parents whom I might add, will die and leave you behind to deal with your marriage. or what their friends would say -- friends who might secretly envy your courage to step outside of your comfort zone.
Once my friend stared me like I was crazy when I termed myself "An Equal Opportunity Lover". When I ask for a partner, I ask for love, respect, friendship, support, freedom and laughter. All of which I can get from anyone. It is when I start specifying that he has to be an engineer, be 6 feet tall, have an MBA, come from Ikeja in Lagos State and be an Eckist (as I am not a Christian) in addition to all the things that were listed above that I pidgeon-hole myself. Then when I meet someone that I find attractive, I immediately blank his side because he is none of those things listed.
I think people will be attracted to whomever but fear is what causes many to assume this as a point.
5. If God wanted us to mix, he would not have put us on different continents
Wow!!! Anyone hear KKK advocate?
6. There is the cultural difference
The most similar culture to an African culture is an Asian one. So also, a comparative culture to a European culture is an American one. Equation balance. I promise you that for every African tradition, there is an Asian equivalent. Language? There's always English or Sign or even better, learn a little bit from one another.
7. The Children will be confused
Only if the parents are confused. My parents are a mix of Yoruba and Itsekiri and while that might not seem like a comparative example, I use that to illustrate a merging of cultures. At home, we kids learned my father's language, ate foods from my mother's people and holidayed with her people. So, I am very much connected to both parts.
Plus, it is always useful to have your children be bilingual. I am always irritated when I see Nigerian children who cannot even speak one Nigerian language. The average Indian student has to learn two national languages to graduate from secondary school. Which reminds me, I have to continue my Igbo classes
Why this post? Am I secretly stalking an Asian guy all over town or currently involved with one and thus already defending against any potential social backlash?
I just would like to encourage anyone who would like to experience love to go out and let it happen organically. Or you can use your church matchmaker (BTW, most east-Asians are christian. Yup, I was stunned. Southeast Asians, another issue)
Give one another a chance and live happy. make cute blasian babies...


Naijalines said...

I love this post. Some Black women live in a fool's paradise, particularly many in the diaspora.

Statistics and politics work against the Black woman than any other gender/ethnic group. Reason? All that you've mentioned plus a significant number of black men (than in any other ethnic group) in the UK and US are either in prison or a mental hospital. So the fishing pond is further depleted.

AlooFar said...

Very interesting post.

#3 reminds me of Russel Peter's joke about Asian guys and their small members. He said... if they're not not better in bed as a result of the size of their members, why then do the two countries with the highest population - Asian? ;)

sunny said...

You are my new favorite blogger.

Myne Whitman said...

Yay for free love. I have dated outside my race and married outside my culture so I'm all for equal opportunity love. Wish people will snap out of all those stereotypes.

Azuka said...

Nice. I happen to very interested in Asians (and not just the wom.. er people).

I find it fascinating learning about social norms and taboos, as well as language.

There's the reverse of the issues you covered as well. I know a guy who insists he's only going to be married to someone Caucasian.

Debo said...

Its okay for a black guy to date asians but our sisters should not stoop so low.

I joke! I joke! ;)

Ms. Catwalq said...

I am not laughing....

Naijalines: hence the need to diversify on species of fish

Aloofar: se u know

Sunny: and u r my fave bag designer...

Myne: please tell them o my sister, tell them

Azuka: i don't know what the reasons for your friend's exclusionary tactics...hopefully it is not a racially motivated thing.

LucidLilith said...

Preach sista...i agree on all points.

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