Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Can't sleep: Gun shots and lonesome thoughts

Woke up barely twenty minutes into my sleep to the sound of bullets. My heart flew in my mouth as I uttered a quick prayer before pulling back my curtains to see what was going on. My room faced the parking lot, the origin of the sound, and I looked out just in time to see some young men pile into a silver car and speed off leaving the owner of the white car they had just vandalised and possibly pumped bullets into screaming curses.

I am sure his losses were painful but I think I'd be more grateful that the bullets hit the floor and not me. I was glad, that the bullets had not gone ricocheting off God-knows-what and through my window. It had been a hot night and since my bed is against the window, I had simply propped my pillow on the sill to get some cool breeze.

I tried to go to back to sleep, congratulating myself for having remembered to do my Spiritual exercises before the drama went down and was sad to find that sleep had fled leaving my exhausted form strangely alert.

I began to think of everything unpleasant that I was experiencing. My English teacher is lying in intensive care fighting for her life. A woman in her eighties, things are not looking good. I had had no idea she was that old. This is my second English teacher to go through something. The first one, Gary Cooper died in my second year and we were close to. I am sad but know that God is in control.

Alot of things are happening to me that are leaving me exhausted, frustrated and confused. It has been so long a struggle seeking a solution. I am so disheartened. I think I might have to take the counselling office on their offer of free consultations because something tells me that this constant change of moods from extremely upbeat and lively to deeply brooding and retreating is not healthy. I am eating more than I should and I only do that when I am stressed and/or depressed.

It might just be the aftermath of a shoot out that is leaving me melancholy. I will return to bed and seek some sleep. I hope it has returned to me.

21 comments:

darkelcee said...

haaa, counselling ke? Omo iya mi, a kii se iru ni naija so it is not your portion in Jesus name.

Maybe you need rest, vaction or something?

please, free your mind of all worries and everything you cant handle hand it over to God

do something you enjoy doing and i am sure the feeling will go away

pele dear

loads of love!

Afrobabe said...

I think it’s the aftermath of the gun shots…Gun shots are enough to make anyone have a rethink about5 life as a whole…I love sleeping facing the tv, which means my head next to the window…babe there are nights I got so paranoid I turned to the other end…make them shoot my leg instead…

chill and keep praying, na only God dey save us...

Afrobabe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
exschoolnerd said...

Dear pls dnt let it get u down....try and cheer up no matter how hard it is..abeg! i like d bubbly catwalq even though i knw u cnt be bubbly eveytime...just rest and pray ok!

aworan said...

Hang tough. remember: as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he..

Sasuke said...

hey its aight to be scared sometimes but tough times don't last girl!tough people do.

there is a bright light down the end of that tunnel for you dear.

much support dear, you would be aight

Unbiased said...

Sorry you are feeling out of sorts babes!!
Take a few days out and rest before you go on the counselling trip. More often than not they will only tell you things you know yourself. lol!!

Waffarian said...

Sorry you are feeling so down. Try to get some rest.Do whatever you feel you have to do babe, you are the only one that knows what's going on. Lots of love.

archiwiz said...

So sorry. That sort of thing can be terrifying. Counseling might not be bad. But there is THE greatest counselor who would tell you exactly what you need.

silk said...

Actually, I was right outside the building when the shooting took place (thankfully i was in my car), A part of me was trying to convince myself tht it was banger, lol! I know its not funny, but sha thank God for his protection. It was until I saw the police pulling up that i realized it was for real.
It was surreal, I didnt even think to duck or anything and the friend that i was dropping off was just getting out of the car...

Mocha said...

woh! thats crazy!
Ndo..hope yo're somwhat better now?
I think the shock of it just sort of brought all the other stuff up..thank God for your life & safety: there's a reason for that.
Sorry about your teacher(s,) just keep praying, God is in control.

ablackjamesbond said...

@ Sasuke... u don become Pastor?

Ms. emmotions said...

hullo dear,

how ve u been ?

you are simply depressed, i think the happenings around u has done that to u,
its a natural reaction u know, i think u need a brief change of scene, take some time off ur routine, try seeing some interestin places and peoples,
if u have someone u are in love wit, get urself spoilt a little and u will be fine,

i promise,

hug ***

Nwanyi Ocha said...

ah ah my dear whats happening ehh...

its only natural that events affect our mood/ feelings but omo oh, ms catwalq dont let it get you down for too long - there's also the other side of life.

a visit to bella's blog is in order - tales of how couples met should put a smile on your face :)

my regards to your english teacher- i hope she pulls thru

Jaycee said...

I'm so sorry abt ur English Teacher(s). This life is crazy. One minute you can be high and the next minute low. But you have to keep finding that "high" over and over again.

Only God can actually keep giving you strength

Gun-shots in DC...sounds familiar. Cops and sirens...even more familiar.

Lighty said...

darling prayer is the answer key. just keep praying and all would be well.

luck that no one got shot and thankful that u're ok.

just relax. by the way when u're stuffing urself make sure it's wit apples and not cakes. lol! tk care sweetie.

Ollay said...

Gunshots?????The last time I heard that I didnt leave the house for a week...beeni! Its msct have been traumatic for you but thank God that the worst has passed. I suggest you spend more time with friends to take your mind off disturbing episodes.

The Last King Of Scotland said...

yeah i think u do need a few days to relax

badderchic said...

Scary, I cant start to imagine how u must have felt.

naijalines said...

Pele o. That must've been quite unsettling to say the least.
Just pray sha. Take care.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Darkelcee: counseling comes in various forms and is not an indication of mental ill health. I am so much better. how r u

Afrobabe: na only God o. Na only God.

exschoolnerd: thanks o my sister. ur posts always cheer me up. i wonder what u r up to this time

aworan: yes...sometimes...

sasuke: thanks...those eyes, those eyes...

unbiased: tanksabunsch

waffarian: I might not be the only one that knows...that is alarming in itself.

archiwiz: I agree...thanks

silk: se u r okay sha...so sad we cannot be safe anywhere. God help us sha

mocha: thanks. I pray my teacher pulls through too

James Bond: apparently so. and a good one too


Nwanyi: i guess I could go get into all that sacharine sweetness on her blog

ms emmotions: muah. thanks

Jaycee: God always sends me some support

Lighty: Prayer is the master key!!!!

Ollay: u did not leave the house for a week? omo,how did u pass in school....

the last king: if I can squeeze it in

badderchic: bewildered. confused. frightened. cold. then very sad

naijalines: thanks oooo