Sunday, August 29, 2010

The first time

As females, we have been taught from childhood that our virginity is a highly coveted prize that men are very eager to divest us of. It is that which we brandsh as evidence of our being of exemplary behaviour and good repute. It is that which many present to their future spouse as gifts of their fidelity and intended continued loyality and which the intended spouse takes with a sense of entitlement and proof that they were the first to feast of the sumptious delicacy.

If you ask any man, they will tell you that they would prefer to marry a virgin. Why, I have no idea. In any case, it is their second biggest fantasy after a menage a trois with models.

I don't think anyone ever forgets their first time. And you hope it will be as memorable for your partner as it was for you. That is, if it was their first time as well. There is probably nothing as disappointing as finding out that the person does not even remember.

Years ago, one of my very good friends and I sat in bated breath, awaiting her next period after she had sex for the first time. She and I were eighteen and fightened at the prospect of her being pregnant. The responsible party had by then left the country and there was no way we could have tracked him. She was panicked and stressed and I was even more so because I had introduced the two.

The period came, two weeks late and we were both saved.

Flash forward, six years and I run into the guy randomly. We squeal, shriek and throw ourselves into an embrace. We meet up over a cup of tea and we try to catch up on lost time. When I am sure that we have gotten to a comfortable place, I ask if he has spoken to my friend since he left and he has no idea who I am talking about.

I try to refresh his memory. Does he not remember her? He was her first?

He draws blanks.

We both log on to facebook so I can pull up a picture and even then, her face is lost in a haze of many others.

I am saddened and then again, I am not.

It was her first time. Not his. She would remember it for the rest of her life. For him, she did not even register on his radar.

Makes me wonder....

10 comments:

Miss FlyHigh said...

Wow! How sad! Did you tell your friend?

SHE said...

Wow!

He must have had dozens after her!
Or could he have been pretending? but for what reason?

Anonymous said...

Trust Cattie to go fishing in verrrry deeeeeeeeep waters! Can feel u on this, though!!!

miz-cynic said...

to be fair to him, if he has had many sexual partners after that and they were not in a meaningful relationship even then

Myne Whitman said...

Some men are now saying they don't want to marry virgins sha. But that guy, I think he was pretending.

kiibaati said...

It is possible he wasn't aware that she was a virgin in the first place. But to completely blank out the name and face, that requires analysis.

rayo said...

total blank? wow!

Tisha said...

not so sad

as long as she doesn't love him.

I think love is more important than is he your first?

blah!
whatever...

Azuka said...

It was her first time. Not his.

I think that says it all...

TinTin said...

wowzaaaaaaa...that just not right!