Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Splenda-dly Useless


I felt I was coming down with something and so I raked together my last $2.05 and went to get myself a cup hot herbal tea from Starbucks. And when I say my last $2.05, I mean my last $2.05!!!! Anyways back to my story. By now you should know I am fitting to curse someone out.


Anyways, I get there, get my tea and proceed to what I like to call the "garnishing station" where you can make up your beverage any which way. I was about to reach for my old faithful, Domino Sugar pack, when I looked down and saw my encroaching gut and thought to myself "Cat, you need to get on this diet for real. I mean, in two years, you have gained a good twenty pounds and on 5'4", 170 pounds does not look good (I am not 170 pounds yet o...but if I am not careful)...so I turned to my right and looked for the alternative (I am sorry my diet isnot exclusive of sugar) and picked up SPLENDA! That oloriibu zero calorie sweetener piece of sege! That baba n la nonsense owo waster! That iranu, rada rada olorogbeske amunisowonu type mssssstssssthw!


Now, I am sitting here. My throat is still hurting funny. And I am watching my green tea vanilla thingy cool down to a BITTER!!!!!!!!! mix. The yeye thing made my tea bitter and now I cannot drink it. Nitori olorun, hen?!!!!!
I am so pissed. Mostly at myself becaue I should have known better. After all there was that incident in freshman year when....


*sigh* my throat is paining me. If I catch anyone that works at Splenda...walahi!!!

20 comments:

miz-cynic said...

1st.welcome bac girl.ma binu now

NewLife said...

hehehehehehe, I'm not laughing at you just all the abuse you just rained down chai, oya sorry sorry, dont mind them

Waffarian said...

Ndo oh...next time, stick to the one wey you sabi..

Get well soon, babe!

Naapali said...

-Pele oh!
-I know just the right thing to make you feel better.
- all you need to do is ...

Akin said...

Hello,

I am so sorry about that. These crazy ideas about zero-calorie sugars that deceive the tongue into thinking things are sweet are no better than putting charcoal powder in tea.

If you had read my piece on the rise of Frakenstein sugars maybe you would have either used real sugar or tried to wean yourself off sugar completely.

The science behind these sugars is no better than the poison was is supposed to make milk appear more proteinous which has killed 2 Chinese babies and ails over a thousand.

The basic lesson is - if it is artificial, it is probably really bad for you, no matter the presumed benefit.

Pele!

Regards,

Akin

geisha.song. said...

i'm very upset.
i would hav thut years of dedicated followership would have entitled me to an alert when again you decided to grace us with a post. well sha, i suppose it's my fault for getting to my reader late. and in the time i've written this i'm sure i'll be like tenth. nonsense.
anyway. i've read your post sha and i've laughed and cried with you. that's all i can do shebi? if i could sha you know i woulda sent you another $2.05 sharp sharp so that you could buy another cup to pour real sugar in- neva mind your protruding midriff :-p

Ade Adeyemi said...

LOL! I feel your pain like totally. The abuses... now that was hilarious.

Emilia said...

I LOVE TEA and i am hooked to starbucks....

Iwalewa McDaniels said...

i never tried that splenda thing u know. I always stick to my sugar jare. They got alternatives for everything these days. It's either u learn how to live without sugar or literally walk ur ass off...which reminds me, I need to start walking again.

Mz. Dee said...

Lmao @ the title. Sum1 adviced me to take that nonsense on the plane.. i nearly barfed!!

Rayo said...

Haha the first time I tasted Splenda (which they now use in most diet drinks) I almost convulsed.

Just...Toluwa said...

hey, kaaƔbo...

i hate those damn sweetners...how abt honey nxt tym?

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

my sista, honey is a better option oh. Those sweeteners are well, yuck!

ShonaVixen said...

awww hon just hope u are feeling better now!!!xoxo

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

LOL
you should have demanded your money back
Those sweetners are an acquired taste
Took them for years before i managed to wean myself completely off sugar.
My taste buds were mourning all the way
But my thighs think it was definitely worth it lol

Carlang said...

lol.

You see why i swear by Coke?

Everyone knows when Abrahom Lincoln was shot, his last words were...
"Get me my coke ... dammit!"

lol.
Om ma se O.
Na so dem chop your last money.

Dont worry.
All this will change when Sarah Palin becomes president...

Afrobabe said...

kai..I am with carlang on the coke thingy...I am also 5.4 but I tell myself African women are built big whenever I see something I ABSOLUTELY have to eat...

maitumbi said...

"That oloriibu zero calorie sweetener piece of sege! That baba n la nonsense owo waster! That iranu, rada rada olorogbeske amunisowonu type mssssstssssthw!"
LMAO!!!!

Vera Ezimora said...

I want Naapali to complete his sentence. I demand that he does.

Naapali said...

@ Ms. Vera
- why u wan know the rest of the sentence?