What to wear

picture from here

I always find myself not having something to wear for any event. And since for the longest time I never functioned on a budget that allowed me to just walk out and purchase a solution, I have on more than one occassion, sat down to effectively review my selections and ponder on why I might be out of a new hip number.

The answer is simple, I don't buy hip new numbers. I am pretty much a basic dresser. Ninety percent of my shoes are black and I always have a black piece as a base line ; be it, pants, skirts or the top. I only just learned a simple technique last year for applying makeup and this was after many years of leaving the house feeling cool only to pass my reflection in the street and wonder what affliction might have possibly befallen me in the past hours of my exiting my residence to make me have a red tint on my skin; and I am not one of those females that uses blusher.

I watch what other females wear and will be honest to say I am not as fashionable as the average femme. As long as my clothes are clean and I smell exceptional --now, fragrances are something I don't mess with-- I am quite satisfied. But these days, I am beginning to wonder whether or not the quality of my social life has something to do with the quality of my warddrobe.

I rarely go out. A typical Friday evening, has me pigging out in front of the TV to my latest foreign film DVD acquisition and I love it. When you are not the drinking type, and living in a culture where most of the socialising revolves around the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol, you will find yourself either gravitating to religious gatherings or if you like me where you are more spiritual than religious, entertaining yourself. Thus as a direct result, my warddrobe is sorely lacking in those pieces we Nigerians like to refer to as "ashewo couture".

Simply put, outfits that grab attention of males and females alike by putting your physical attributes on display.

I am not a prude but I am also not delusional to imagine that my body is in perfect condition to wear certain things. The last time my stomach was flat, my age was in the single digits and my bust and derriere size has steadily climbed in width over the past six years. The last part, I am quite happy with, though. Also, life's experiences have been evident on my skin as my once perfect, flawless feature looks like a cross between a post-harmattan farm burning exercise and a bombing zone.

So, I dress to cover the "love"/"food" handles, mosquito bites on my leg and ensure that my "ladies" are always in their proper position. Luckily, they are still behaving. I dress like a conservative adult. Which is not so bad. It is just that when you are now faced with an upcoming clubbing event --an activity that I have not partaken in in the past year or more-- you realise that your clothes are more suited to an evening at the Kennedy center.

What is a girl to do? I am going to be surrounded by a bunch of Asian girls whose average dress size is from 0-2. I am not envious of that though but I would rather not look like I could swallow one of the whole. Also, I have not been out in a while and so some pieces that used to fit twelve months ago have to be donated to charity.

Jeans it is...I'll will find some top to make it work. We will support it with Spanx. Luckily, I always have one good working pair of "ashewo couture" shoes....

So who is coming out to the Kollaboration DC after party at Pasha this Saturday?